Author Archives: Maren

A Year of YES

I discovered Grey’s Anatomy a few years ago. Binged watched it to get caught up. Then went on to enjoy two of Shonda Rhimes’ other series – Scandal and How To Get Away With Murder. They’re well-crafted TV dramas with compelling story lines, sharp dialog, and strong, capable women. No surprise given the powerhouse of a woman who stands behind these series. Yet even this highly successful woman had to go on a journey of discovery to find her best self.

I’ll share a few tidbits from Shonda’s book, Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person. My heartfelt recommendation is that you get your hands on the book and read it for yourself. Quite a lot gets lost in the “highlight reel,” and you’ll miss the experience of reveling in her distinctive voice. But here goes anyway.

The year of YES began after a family Thanksgiving gathering during which Shonda rattled off a list of A List engagements to which she was invited. Her older sister was unimpressed and knew that Shonda would turn them all down. As she said, “You never say yes to anything.” Indeed, Shonda had become quite comfortable living life as a busy TV executive and mother of three (which assuredly left her plenty occupied!) But she wasn’t breaking out of her shell and trying new things. So, she resolved to make the ensuring year one that included a lot more YES.

Initially, I thought, “That’ll never be an aspiration of mine. I’m the girl who can’t say ‘no’ and winds up spent and exhausted. I need a year of NO!” But as I went along on Shonda’s journey, I found myself wanting to get on the YES train.

Here are things to which Shonda said YES:

To anything and everything that scared her – e.g., a commencement speech at her alma mater, TV appearances, charity events, interesting parties

“Every yes changes something in me. Every yes is a bit more transformative. Every yes sparks a new phase of evolution.”

To her children when they said, “Wanna play?”

“The more I play, the happier I am at work. The happier I am at work, the more relaxed I become. The more relaxed I become, the happier I am at home. And the better I get at the playtime I have with the kids..”

To feeling unpleasant feelings rather than burying them under food

“Food feels so good when you put it on top of all the stuff you don’t want to deal with… It numbs you… [but] numb feels not just dead but rotting.”

To accepting any and all compliments with a clear, calm “Thank you”

“No one who succeeds is merely lucky… I am not lucky. You know what I am? I am smart, I am talented, I take advantage of the opportunities that come my way, and I work really, really hard. Don’t call me lucky. Call me badass.”

To saying NO without explanation

“I come up with three different clear ways of saying no: ’I am going to be unable to do that.’ ‘That is not going to work for me.’ ‘No.’’’

To having the difficult conversations

“No matter how hard a conversation is, I know that on the other side of that conversation lies peace. Knowledge. An answer is delivered. Character is revealed. Truces are formed. Misunderstandings are resolved. Freedom lies across the field of the difficult conversation.”

To surrounding herself with friends and colleagues who are the real deal

“The upside to culling people from my life is that my focus has become crystal clear… I now work to see people, not as I’d rewrite them, but as they have written themselves… people whose self-worth, self-respect, and values inspire me to elevate my own behavior.”

To telling her truth

“Happiness comes from living as you need to, as you want to. As your inner voice tells you. Happiness comes from being who you actually are instead of who you think you are supposed to be.”

At the finish line, Shonda described herself as being: “One hundred twenty-seven pounds thinner. Several toxic people lighter. Closer to my family. A better mother. A better friend. A happier boss. A stronger leader. A more creative writer. A more honest person… More adventurous. More open. Braver. And kinder. To others. But also to myself.”

Those are things to which I can say YES!

Alzheimer’s Disease

With last week’s focus on mental health, I thought I’d zero in on a particularly challenging form of mental disorder, Alzheimer’s disease. The Mayo Clinic characterizes the condition as “a progressive disorder that causes brain cells to waste away and die. Alzheimer’s disease is the most common cause of dementia — a continuous decline in thinking, behavioral, and social skills that disrupts a person’s ability to function independently.”

The Alzheimer’s Association has published a rather alarming set of statistics regarding the prevalence of this disease:

8 million Americans live with Alzheimer’s disease, with estimated growth to 14 million by 2050
16 million Americans provide 18.5 billion hours of unpaid care for people with Alzheimer’s disease and other forms of dementia, valued at nearly $235 billion
1 in 3 seniors dies with Alzheimer’s disease or senior dementia

There is no treatment that cures Alzheimer’s disease or alters the disease process in the brain. However, as documented elsewhere in this blog, healthy lifestyle habits appear to be protective of brain circuitry and forestall its development.

I have some experience in this area. My father had geriatric dementia in his later years. While his cognitive functioning was impaired, he was still able to carry on an animated conversation until the last couple of months before his death at 96. My mother has fill-blown Alzheimer’s disease and has been substantively impaired for quite some time.

It turns out that while most seniors think it’s important to have their cognitive abilities checked regularly, only 16% of them actually follow through with testing. I can understand why. Of the many things that fall away with old age, the loss of one’s cognitive capacity and memory just might be the most frightening. It’s a clear marker of infirmity that foretells the loss of independence. And, as noted in last week’s post, any condition identified as detrimental to mental health tends to be stigmatized.

My mother was among the smartest people I’ve ever known, and she viewed her intelligence as one of her primary assets. So, I imagine that it was really bothersome for her to experience a decline in her analytical capacity and stellar memory. Early indications came 5+ years ago when she asked me to take over their finances when Dad went into skilled nursing. The cover story was that it would be easier for me to navigate all the administrative details that accompanied payment of fees and reimbursement by their long-term care insurance provider. But a quick glance at their books revealed that Mom’s accounting skills had really fallen by the wayside.

Mom was once our chief purveyor of family stories, providing extraordinary detail on names, relations, conversations, events, etc. In the last few years, she spent more time listening to the stories and acting as if she were following the conversation (but may not have been). A little over a year ago, she stopped being able to watch movies or TV shows – even familiar ones or those with really simple story lines. She just couldn’t follow the action and would say over and over, “What’s going on?” Within the past couple of weeks, she seems to have forgotten who I am.

As caregivers go, I am really, really lucky. My parents acquired long-term care insurance 25 years ago. As such, Mom can afford to live in one of the nicest Memory Care facilities in the area. Her room and the common areas are beautifully appointed. The organization attracts competent, caring staff. They do the “heavy lifting” (literally and figuratively) so that I can focus on being a daughter. Even so, it is still really difficult to watch my Mom struggle with everyday living. And there’s very little I can do these days other than sit with her.

As noted above, 1 in 3 older adults passes on with some form of dementia or Alzheimer’s disease. The sad reality is that the person you knew leaves long before his or her body finishes its earthly existence. I miss the mother who knew me. I miss the mother who shared my memories. I pray that she is as safe, comfortable, and peaceful as we can make her in these final days.

Mental Health

Ten years ago, a former colleague published an evocative memoir about her struggle with depression, her road to recovery, and her ongoing management of the condition. I was floored by her revelation. When we worked together, she was an “it” girl – intelligent, witty, beautiful, athletic, and seemingly successful in all aspects of her life. And yet her struggles were very real, very painful, and very nearly fatal.

She is not alone.

TIME magazine’s special issue on mental health tells us that 450 million people worldwide struggle with mental health issues. In the United States alone, one in five people experience some form of mental illness each year. Those afflicted increase their mortality risk by 26% and are decidedly more susceptible to metabolic syndrome, chronic stress (and the attendant physiological distress), and altered immune function. TIME estimates the worldwide annual cost of mental illness to be $2.5 trillion and projects growth to $6 trillion by 2030. Suffice it to say, it’s an emerging health crisis.

The stigma attached to mental illness creates an impediment to effective treatment. It takes courage to seek help in a society that often deems mental disorder as a sign of weakness. Yet the emerging science tells us that these brain disorders have their basis in biology and require intervention. We need to change the public discourse to create a safe space for people to get the help they need.

For the past 60 years, antidepressants have been a bedrock of psychiatric treatment. However, 30% of the target population do not respond well to them. Of the remainder, it could take a process of trial-and-error to find the right medication and dosage to produce a workable result. Unfortunately, the longer one stays in a state of depression, the harder it becomes to set things right.

While depression can affect every one of us at any age, we are at increased risk in our 60s and beyond. There’s an increased incidence of seniors living without family members nearby. Upwards of 20-25% of Baby Boomers do not have children. That combined with a plethora of solitary entertainment can result in a downward spiral of loneliness.

So, what can we do to maximize our own mental health?

Get a good night’s sleep every night. Try to go to bed at the same time every night and arise at the same time every morning. Have a calming ritual at night that helps you prepare for sleep.
Eat a healthy diet. The same dietary risk factors that give rise to heart disease also affect brain health.
Exercise! It’s not just good for the body; it’s good for the brain! Physical activity elevates mood, bolsters energy, and stimulates the production of endorphins. It also desensitizes the body to certain kinds of emotional distress.
Prioritize spending time with people. Socialization is one of the best things you can do to sustain a healthy brain and ward off depression. Stay in the workforce. Volunteer. Join clubs. Put the welcome mat out and invite friends over.
Consider living in an intentional community. The younger generation has embraced this lifestyle, often as a function of economic necessity. The fifty-five-and-over crowd has access to a broad range of planned communities all across the country, primarily in warmer climates. A handful of multi-generational communities are sprouting up as well. Or simply forge connection within your neighborhood.
Engage in mindfulness training. It helps you focus on the present rather than ruminate on the past, among other benefits. For those of us who have trouble sitting still, try floating on water. Early evidence suggests that it lowers anxiety, relieves muscle tension, and engenders a relaxed state of mind.
Seek professional help. As a case in point, cognitive behavioral therapy focuses on changing negative thought patterns and finding new approaches to problems.
Get a pet. Research has shown that pet ownership lowers blood pressure, heart rates, and heart disease risk. And pets are a proven antidote to anxiety and loneliness.
Use light therapy if affected by Seasonal Affective Disorder. It can be a mood and energy booster first thing in the morning.
Focus on all the things about which you can be grateful and let go of grievances and disappointments. Make a habit of forgiving yourself and others. Pay attention to the blessings that each day brings.

The Science of Success

I just finished reading TIME magazine’s special edition on the science of success. Not surprisingly, most of what they had to say lines up with books I’ve already read and covered in this blog! Some highlights:

Stellar CEOs tend to be utility players; they have a range of above average skills rather than a single standout ability. Beyond above average intelligence, they exhibit: self-compassion to overcome setbacks and stay on track; an ability to control their attention; a stellar work ethic; and, a growth mindset.
Highly accomplished people are paragons of perseverance. They work at their craft. They model ferocious determination.
There’s a clear link between healthy bodies and high achievement. Exercise activates the prefrontal cortex, increases attention and focus, builds confidence, improves mood, and relieves stress.
Successful people understand that “finishing strong” isn’t about catching up at the end of a race to make a respectable showing. It’s about consistently focusing and doing your absolute best at every moment, from start to finish.
Each individual has a distinctive biorhythm that dictates when they’ll have their peaks and valleys of energy. Know your type (i.e., lark or night owl), identify the tasks to be completed, and determine the right order in which to pursue them given varying energy levels throughout the day.
Failure is an essential element of success. We fail until we find the right answer or approach. If you live cautiously, you fail by default. Expect setbacks. Feel your failures and learn from them. Then move on to what’s next.
Luck favors the prepared.

The issue closes with the principles that have guided some of our highest achievers:

Jane Goodall, leading expert on chimpanzees, received this advice from her mother: “If you really want something and you work hard and you take advantage of opportunities – and you never, ever give up – you will find a way.”
Steve Jobs, microcomputer pioneer: “You’ve got to put something back into the flow of history… [so that] people will say, this person didn’t just have a passion; he cared about making something that other people could benefit from.”
Helen Keller, one of America’s most inspiration figures: “Resolve to keep happy… and you shall form an invincible host against difficulties.”
Warren Buffett, Chairman and CEO of Berkshire Hathaway, advises us to exercise restraint and practice humility. “You can tell a guy to go to hell tomorrow – you don’t give up the right. So just keep your mouth shut today and see if you feel the same way tomorrow.”
Shonda Rhimes, entertainment mogul, stresses swagger. “We all have something about ourselves to brag about, something that is amazing or special or interesting… I say we need to start a bragging revolution.”
George Washington Carver, agricultural scientist: “It’s not the style of clothes one wears, neither the kind of automobile one drives, nor the amount of money one has in the bank that counts. These mean nothing. It is simply service that measure success.”
Madeleine Albright, former Secretary of State: “Whenever my father saw that I had to take on something difficult or do something that I might not have confidence about, he would say, ‘Strike it.’ That was his version of ‘go for it.’ To me that meant you have to believe in yourself and go after what you want.”
Pablo Picasso, Spanish painter: “Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to success.”
Maya Angelou, Pulitzer-prize winning poet, took her grandmother’s advice to heart: “If the world puts you on a road you do not like, if you look ahead and do not want that destination which is being offered and you look behind and you do not want to return to your place of departure, step off the road. Build yourself a new path.”

Feng Shui: The Art of Placement

In traditional Chinese thought, a life force or chi animates all living creatures and inanimate objects. This vital energy flows through each organ and system of the body and is influenced by neighboring chi. The proper movement of chi and blood within the body achieve health and balance.

Ancient China provides a practice to harmonize an individual’s chi with its surrounding environment: feng shui. Terah Kathryn Collins has adapted this wisdom for folks like me in her book, The Western Guide to Feng Shui: Creating Balance, Harmony, and Prosperity in Your Environment.

When friends first introduced me to Terah’s work, I was intrigued, but skeptical. How could placement of objects in my home, garden, and workplace have any bearing on my health? Then again, how could it hurt?

Feng shui creates space for energy to flow. When space has too much stuff in it, the chi can’t move freely. And when stuff sits around and gets dusty and unkempt (reflecting disuse), the chi stagnates. The solution? De-clutter! (I can definitely get behind that… and not just for Spring cleaning!)

Once all the old junk is out of there, feng shui seeks to strike a balance between yin and yang energy in each space. Yin represents the feminine, soft, cool/dark, earthy energy. Its elements are curved, rounded, low, small, ornate, wide, horizontal, floral. Yang represents the masculine, hard, warm/light, ethereal energy. Its elements are straight, angular, high, large, plain, narrow, vertical, geometrical.

Feng shui also seeks a balance of five essential elements: earth, metal, water, wood, and fire. The elements may be represented themselves (e.g., logs in a fireplace), be a part of another object (e.g., wooden furniture), or be represented by another object (e.g., a work of art, or a mirror for water). These elements bear a relationship to one another that could be disrupted by imbalance. For example, one of the ways I “balanced” the heat from our fireplace was to place a picture of a cool, snowy mountain scene above the mantel.

When placing objects, each space (e.g., house, room, back yard) gets divided into 9 equal sections, or baguas. Each represents an essential are of one’s life. Objects placed in those areas draw attention to positive results that one hopes to achieve. For example, my garage occupies the lower right section of my house. Since I’d like some adventure in my life, I added travel posters to the garage walls. It makes me think of weekend getaways and proves to be far more appealing visually than blank walls.

When applied over the shape of a house or room, certain areas of the bagua may be missing or short-changed. That imbalance exerts a negative influence on that area of one’s life. To compensate, one either places an external anchor to “fill out” the square or amps up the associated baguas in other rooms. For example, if a house shortchanged the Love and Marriage bagua, one might place a bird feeder in the corner where the bagua would have come to fruition and place relevant photos of oneself and one’s mate in the Love and Marriage section of each room.

I followed the template when we moved to Oregon. At the time, the stock market had taken a nosedive, and we both needed jobs. So, I paid particular attention to the Wealth & Prosperity and Career baguas. Within months, our financial fortunes were moving in the right direction.

I’m still rather skeptical when in comes to conversations around the mystical aspects of feng shui. I’m far more pragmatic and down-to-earth than ethereal in my worldview. But I think there’s something to be said for intentionality in all areas of one’s life, and feng shui provides an outlet for its expression.

Terah’s book is chalk full of good information, concrete examples, and hints and tips for correcting imbalances and making the most of one’s living and work spaces. I refer to it periodically and find the content quite engaging.

Happy New Year!

As far back as the Babylonia Empire, human beings have been making agreements with themselves or their god(s) at the start of the new year. Some involved returning borrowed property. Some related to charitable or chivalrous behaviors that they intended to sustain. In the modern era, we focus on self-improvement (e.g., eat healthy foods, lose weight, exercise more, quit smoking, improve finances, make career advances, be more spiritual).

Studies show that despite our best intentions, we often fail to attain our stated goals. A 2007 study from the University of Bristol revealed an 88% failure rate among its 3,000 participants. A 2014 report from Australia showed a 66% failure rate. Typical reasons for getting off track include setting unrealistic goals, setting too many resolutions, failing to track progress, and forgetting about them entirely. Yet despite our poor track records, over 40% of us continue to make resolutions every year.

This topic struck a chord a year ago when I wrote about the top 10 mistakes people make when launching self-improvement initiatives. I’ve also written a couple of posts regarding the science of change management. (See The Psychology of Change and A Business Model for Change Management.) Here are a few quick pointers rooted in neuroscience:

Don’t wait for New Year’s Day to create the new you. Start your program as soon as you can make a bit of time to set realistic goals, define baby steps toward achievement, and hold yourself accountable by tracking progress toward your goal.
Recognize that will power is a limited resource. Don’t try to make too many changes all at once or amidst a particularly stressful period in your life.
Build in support systems that make it easy for you to stay the course. Enroll your family in your program. Get a friend to take the journey with you. Leverage professional help, where applicable (e.g., physicians, nutritionists, trainers, coaches).

Even knowing all of the foregoing, I still make a bit of a ritual out of the onset of a fresh calendar year. I start by making a detailed list of the major accomplishments and events that transpired during the preceding year. (This task feeds into the authoring of our annual holiday letter!) I get a real sense of satisfaction looking at everything that my husband and I got done while reliving the joyful memories. I think about the ways in which I have grown over the past year. And I compare this year’s list with last year’s version to note material changes or trends.

With the results of those exercises in hand, I visualize where I’d like to be when another year has rolled by. I come up with lists of things I’d like to accomplish, experiences I’d like to have, things I’d like to learn, and areas in which I’d like to grow. These lists become my monthly guideposts as I plan activities throughout the year.

I’ve read compelling research that argues for the efficacy of translating such lists into actionable, measurable goals. But I’m at a stage in my life where I don’t feel compelled to put myself on that kind of program. Rather, I let my general inclinations set the course and give myself the freedom to simply enjoy the ride.

Merry Christmas!

A few years ago, I got up a head of steam and digitized ALL of the old family photos. There were hundreds of 35mm slides and an even greater number of prints. Thanks to the miracle of PhotoShop, I was able to restore the color to a lot of photos and correct some defects that had crept in… but it was major undertaking!

As I sifted through the photos, I was struck by how many pictures we had of the family sitting at the dinner table awaiting the serving of a holiday meal. There were dozens of them with the same faces and very nearly the same seating assignments. But for my brother and I aging through the years, you could hardly tell which picture went with which holiday or year!

I love looking at the old photos and remembering the rituals that accompanied our preparations for the holiday feast:

Mom bought San Francisco sourdough French bread a week before the big day so that it could be dried out and made into breadcrumbs.
Dad worked the meat grinder the night before Christmas as my brother and I took turns placing the ground pork, bread crumbs, onion, celery, and parsley into the funnel. That mixture would merge with a pound of butter on the stove top and be stuffed inside the turkey the following morning.
Mom made homemade cranberry jelly and a cranberry jello mold. (Yep – we all ate jello molds back in the day… and Mom’s version was pretty good!)
We got up early on Christmas Day to stuff the turkey and get it into the oven. Dad always insisted that we clean the kitchen thereafter.
Mom made the creamed spinach, mashed potatoes, and gravy to go with the rest of the fixings.
We had pumpkin pie with whipped cream for dessert.

Once I married and set up my own household, the Christmas feast moved to our place with Dad and Mom taking control of our kitchen to prepare the traditional meal. Spike’s family joined in the fun with gratitude for the delicious food and the break from cooking and cleaning up. I still helped out, but Dad and Mom were the chefs extraordinaire.

I’ve always meant to carry on the tradition once my parents turned in their aprons. But my packed schedule combined with the magnitude of the task have conspired against me. Besides, it has been so much easier being a guest at my folks’ continuing care community. The food is delicious, and someone else does all the work.

I’m a bit melancholy this year with the realization that my mother, brother, and I are the only ones left from all those years of family Christmases. I’m grateful to have lived near the extended family and had the opportunity to share holidays with them. I’m grateful for having parents who knew how to make those days really special. And I’m grateful for all those photos that captured the merriment… even when I looked like a total dork!

Here’s hoping you have a delightful holiday fill with joy, laughter, and memories that will last a lifetime.

Take Time for Self-Care

A couple of weeks ago, I wrote about slowing down with a nod to Cheryl Richardson’s short essay on the benefits of boredom. That message still resonates loudly for me. Having just come through 2 straight weekends of performances (and all the rehearsals that go with them), I feel an intense craving for down time. Unfortunately, I still have a packed holiday schedule, so I may not satisfy my craving for a little while.

I’ve been thinking a good deal about what happens when my schedule gets congested. Chief among the outcomes is the noticeable absence of healthy self-care rituals:

I didn’t make it to any of my yoga/tai chi classes last week (and could sense how much my body tightened up as a result!)
I didn’t make it to the gym. Not even once!
I didn’t prepare my usual complement of healthy meals and had an unusual craving for salty, sweet, fattening offerings. Yep – comfort food was screaming my name!
I got home late several nights and was so wound up that I had trouble sleeping.

It doesn’t take a genius to realize that these lapses are not good for my body or my immune system. And it’s an especially difficult time of year to put myself under this kind of strain given all the germs that are flying around. No wonder I’m feeling under the weather today!

We live in a culture that venerates hard-charging “warriors” who are active in all kinds of things and gets lots of thing done. We look up to leaders who carry substantive responsibility for the world, their organizations, their people, and themselves. I like being someone who can run with the “big dogs” and carry a big load. And yet I recognize the toll that it takes… and I have had that flash of insight many, many times over the years! It’s time I either lighten the load or get others to help me carry it.

Don’t get me wrong! I’m incredibly blessed to have all of the wonderful opportunities that have come into my life. I love being active; I relish the relationships that come with membership in my various groups. It’s just long past time that I practiced moderation and delegation.

One of the side benefits of following a predominantly whole food plant-based diet is all the time spent in the kitchen chopping, slicing, dicing, and cooking. It forces me to step away from the hustle-bustle of life – generally with my husband as Sous-Chef – where I’m in a somewhat meditative state while basking in the aromas that waft through the air. It just takes a little bit of planning and a commitment to my role as Head Chef. And, of course, I get great food in that bargain.

Perhaps I should follow the sage advice of personal coaches everywhere – put self-care on my calendar and declare that time sacrosanct!

8 Guiding Principles Behind My Career Choices

While winding down a career that I’ve pursued for the past few decades, I’ve had occasion to reflect on my journey. My thoughts have found their way into a set of blog posts that I’ve authored this Fall. I’ll be adding to that collection today.

As noted previously, I’ve had an unconventional career path… at least relative to the trajectories that my parents’ generation pursued. (My uncle worked for the same company for 43½ years before retiring at 65!) While some of my decision points were foist upon me by corporate upheavals and geographic moves, I can look back and see a few patterns that guided my choices.

ONE: I had a very good handle on our household finances and made sure that our income was sufficient to fund our lifestyle. I never wanted money to be the overarching factor in my job choices. To my way of thinking, all of the money in the world wouldn’t be helpful if my day-to-day experience proved miserable. Fortunately, my husband and I were on the same page. We adjusted our spending as needed to ensure that our respective work lives were fulfilling and reasonably pleasant.

TWO: I made sure that I worked with good people. Working relationships played a major role in my professional happiness as well as the quality of my work. I’ve had several occasions where I’ve gutted it out and worked with difficult folks. But such stints were short-lived. I generally maneuvered my way into circumstances where I both respected and liked the people with whom I worked.

THREE: I worked within or with organizations that operated in integrity. Not all of them managed to live into their stated goals consistently. But I needed to feel that they made the effort to attain high standards of conduct with their partners, suppliers, customers, employees, and regulatory agencies. When I sensed a fundamental disconnect between stated policies and behaviors, I opted to move to a different environment.

FOUR: I thrived in learning environments where I felt challenged to stretch my capabilities. I’ve often said that I could have been a professional student if someone paid me to attend classes. I find lots of things fascinating. There are few things that are better than taking classes from passionate professors who love their subject matter and open new avenues of knowledge for me. I suppose that’s why consulting has always suited me well. Each assignment brings new challenges, and the range of industries that I’ve covered made me feel as though I’d taken a series of “field trips.”

FIVE: I chose positions that were aligned with my personal preferences. Chief among those preferences was my desire to do the work rather than manage people who do it. When push comes to shove, I can serve as an able manager and delegator, but I don’t enjoy those roles as much as being in the trenches. That’s another reason why consulting proved to be a good fit for me.

SIX: I was attentive to building and perfecting marketable skills that would enable me to secure employment readily. I’ve stayed current on the technologies pertinent to my industry as well as those that fuel marketing, collaboration, and customer support. And I’ve also worked on the fundamentals – leadership, communications, project management, change management, writing, etc. It’s a pragmatic approach to career management… and an outgrowth of being the daughter of Depression Era parents.

SEVEN: I opted for flexibility on work hours as much as possible. To be sure, I’ve needed to accommodate other people’s schedules, commitments, and deadlines. But I’ve also had a great deal of freedom to attend to personal responsibilities – e.g., “The plumber will arrive at your home sometime between 9 and 4 on Tuesday.” I’ve been able to pick the times of day when I’m most productive or inspired. My home office was a BIG help… although a bit lonely for this highly extroverted person!

EIGHT: I made adjustments to balance my personal and professional interests. My home life takes precedence over all professional aspirations. I’m far prouder of my blissful 36-years-and-counting marriage than I am of anything that I’ve achieved in my career. But I also have artistic sensibilities for which I’ve needed breathing room to express.

Slow Down!

Nearly 20 years ago, seven other ladies joined me in a year-long discussion group centered on Cheryl Richardson’s Life Makeovers: 52 Practical & Inspiring Ways to Improve Your Life One Week at a Time. Each week’s reading includes a short essay, a Take Action challenge, and a list of resources for further study. It’s a manageable way to effect change in your life even if your schedule is as congested as mine always seems to be.

Our little group was cobbled together by pairings of associations. We each knew at least one other person in the group, but we met others for the first time at our first luncheon. Within six months, we’d formed a tight-knit association that provided a solid base of support as we each experienced substantive life changes. It has remained intact over the years despite a scattering across the country.

This year, I decided to go through the weekly lessons one last time on my own before sending it off to the library resale store. (I’m gradually thinning out my bookshelves as part of my long-term downsizing effort.) Most of the lifestyle adjustments she recommends have been integrated into my life. Some are active long-term projects. And some stubbornly refuse to yield to her good advice.

As a case in point, I just finished reading the chapter entitled “The Benefits of Boredom.” She notes that in an adrenaline-fueled society, it can be really challenging to slow down and do nothing – especially if you’re someone who has become inured to being on-the-go all the time. Sitting still and doing nothing can be really uncomfortable. And yet it’s that quiet time that promotes physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health.

I’ve written posts previously on the deleterious effects of sustained stress on the body. I’ve also written several posts on the positive impact of a regular practice of meditation. I understand intellectually why it’s not helping me to operate with such a congested calendar all the time. I really notice it when I’m in the thick of an overbooked schedule and make promises to not let myself get caught up in it again. And yet, I find myself in that position repeatedly. A good friend has told me that she’s going to partner with my husband and call for an “intervention.”

Clearly, I don’t like the do-nothing feeling. That’s why I’ve had such difficulty settling into a meditation practice even though I know it would be good for me. But my circumstances also arise as a function of excitement over opportunities that present themselves. For example, I’m presently singing in two choirs and have a small role in a musical theater production… on top of work, parent care, book group, entertaining, and the usual household responsibilities. But I’d kick myself if I didn’t take advantage of them while I’ve got the energy and resources to do so.

That being said, life managed to give me a wake-up call last week. I received a traffic citation by mail for exceeding the speed limit in downtown Beaverton. In fairness, I didn’t realize that the 4-lane road on which I drive repeatedly has variable speed limits depending upon one’s proximity to the main downtown area. (Lesson learned!) But the message that I’m rushing around entirely too much has gotten through loud and clear. It’s time for me to take a step back and make more intelligent decisions regarding how I spend my time.

In truth, I have plenty of time for self-care and quiet contemplation if I would just pay closer attention to how I spend it. I can say “no” to things that are low priorities. I can watch less television. I can put placeholders in my calendar for soul-nourishing activities for which I do not feel rushed in their pursuit. I can pace myself with respect to the performing arts opportunities so that I’m not booked solid in the evening. And I can opt for activities that might be fun for my husband and I to enjoy together… now that he is retired!

The holiday season brings both joy and a bit of craziness to most of our lives. This year, I’m giving myself the gift of peace and a promise to take things a little easier next year.

Healthy Lifestyle

Ideas to Nourish the Body, Mind, and Spirit