In this final installment of Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener’s book Happiness, I’ll share their thoughts on what confers happiness and genuine wealth.

Money? While life satisfaction generally rises with income, rising desires often cancels the benefits of greater income. In fact, the amount of money someone makes only modesty predicts their satisfaction with that income. It turns out that one’s happiness can be measured by taking what we have divided by what we expect. Uncontrolled materialism – i.e., privileging money and material things over relationships and leisure time – proves toxic to happiness.

Making money can be very satisfying. It confers social status and leads to self-reliance and control. It relieves worry over the provision of essential needs and makes it possible to be generous toward others. But it’s effect on happiness is not large. So, it’s good to have it, but toxic to want it too much.

Religion/Spirituality? While the relationship between happiness and faith varies across religions, nations, and individuals, a spiritual practice can provide a boost to happiness. Key determinants include comforting beliefs, social support, connection with something personal and important, the experience of ritual, and the benefits of gratitude. Folks raised in a faith tradition find happiness more easily accessible in their practice than those who were not or had unfavorable memories of it.

Culture? Healthy societies provide environments in which happiness can be achieved. Higher happiness scores accrue to countries that are economically developed, democratic, high in human rights, and high in equal rights for women. Countries that tend toward extreme poverty, political instability, and conflict tend toward low life satisfaction. That being said, individualists and collectivists derive their happiness from different sources. Individualists look for self-satisfaction and uniqueness; they focus on internal feelings. Collectivists derive pleasure from contributing to the group; they focus on actions and relationships. In short, there are different definitions of what constitutes happiness.

Genetics? Twins show impressive similarity on standardized tests of personality, intelligence, and emotion. Identical twins raised in different households manifest more emotional similarity than fraternal twins raised together. That finding should not be surprising. At the physiological level, our genetic code influences the hormones we produce and how the brain uses them, both of which impact a positive outlook on life. But epigenetics effects gene expression, so we aren’t consigned to a dour mood even if our genetic predisposition leans in that direction.

The authors forewarn against trying to make ourselves happy through artificial stimulants. Hedonic adaptation causes us to adjust to new levels of joy and bring us back to baseline. We then need even more stimulant to perk us up again. We get hooked on the stimulant without attaining the desired long-term effect. If we want to change our emotional set point, we’re better off engaging consistently in pleasurable activities, surrounding yourself with upbeat friends, and experiencing successes at work.

The natural process of adaptation is actually good for us. A healthy adaptation to new circumstances allows us to learn new skills, tolerate change, and seek improvement. Adaptation also acts as a buffer against unfortunate circumstances and shields against sustained negativity in response to adversity. And even though it might sound appealing, a constant state of euphoria isn’t desirable. Absent challenges, we may not care about personal growth, set goals for ourselves, or realize the thrill victory.

Novelty? We might be tempted to think: If I I’d change my [job, partner, city, house, church, social network], then I’d be happy. But as we say in mindfulness meditation: “Where you go, there you are.” We may make a change, but if the source of our distress lies within us, it’ll follow us to the new thing.

Of course, there can be good and logical reasons for making a change – to get out of a bad circumstance, to take advantage of a great opportunity, to pursue one’s passions or calling in more fertile ground. The smart money calls for looking at the big picture, not just the shiny new object. Consider all the factors; take time making the decision. Carefully examine whether you will like it more than you want it. And while you can get input from others, consider personal experience and listen to that “small inner voice” that speaks the truth.

Attention? Unhappy people ruminate on faults, failings, and character flaws. Focusing inwardly makes you unhappy; directing attention to others makes you happy. Start noticing good things in the environment because there is always plentiful to see.

Attitude? Many situations in life are unclear or ambiguous; we are forced to fit the pieces together. Whether something is good or bad depends on how you interpret it. For people who see the world as harsh and threatening, it’s likely their mood will be more negative. They take social comparisons hard and get upset. For people who see it as full of promise and opportunity, these rose-colored glasses will likely translate to more happiness. They’re not undone by critical feedback and do far less social comparison. Optimism is good for happiness.

Attitude translates into memory; we choose what we remember. Happy people err on the side of positivity, storing up good memories in ways that make for easy recall. They treat adversity with humor and focus on what they did to overcome it.

We don’t need to be cheerful all the time. Life has ups and downs, and the unpleasant emotions that attend to the latter can be forces for positive change. But we can exert some control over our general demeanor by:

• Direct our attention as much as possible to the good things in life
• Paying attention to how we interpret daily events and taking action to short-circuit unhelpful thinking patterns
• Savoring happy moments and taking time to capture them in memory for future enjoyment
• Noticing the kind and helpful things that others do and expressing gratitude for them
• Investing in long-term relationships for mutual benefit and support
• Working toward meaningful goals
• Living as though happiness is a process, not a destination; enjoying life in the moment

Good health. Good relationships. Good work. Those are three things most of us want. How do we increase our odds of getting them? According to Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener’s book Happiness, it just takes a little happiness.

HEALTH: It has been proven empirically that happy people get sick less often, experience fewer symptoms when sick, and recover more quickly. They also live longer. Why is that?

• Happy people are more likely to have healthy habits – diet, exercise, vitamins, nonsmoker, moderation in alcohol consumption
• Happy people have more effective immune systems.
• Happy people are less prone to anger, depression, and stress, all of which have been associated with cardiovascular disease and hypertension.
• Happiness helps regulate the stress hormone cortisol. Stress undermines recovery from injury and may accelerate the rate of cellular aging.

RELATIONSHIPS: From the earliest times when humans roamed the earth, social relationships proved essential to survival. They helped distribute the work to provision shelter, sustenance, and clothing, and had our backs when facing threat. We also need them to find fulfillment. Life becomes especially meaningful when we have people who care about us, people toward whom we show affection, and people with whom we share life’s journey.

Happy people are far more likely to enjoy the blessing of family, friends, and support networks than people with low life satisfaction. They are more sociable, pleasant, and rewarding to be around. They express greater interest in social activities. And both introverts and extroverts have more positive feelings when with others.

Close relationships allow us to feel loved, validated, and secure. The mere presence of others proves comforting. Moreover, their diverse knowledge and experience help us solve problems, stretch our comprehension of the world, and form ideas and opinions. Groups to which we belong help define who we are and give us a sense of identity. And being with them can be just plain fun!

While happy people are more likely to marry that non-happy people, marital happiness depends on finding the right partner and cultivating forwarding communication. Further, most happiness studies have not shown children to be an important cause of happiness. It depends on one’s disposition and preferences.

WORK: Folks tend to view gainful employment from one of three perspective:

• It’s a job that makes it possible to pay the bills – i.e., transactional.
• It’s a stepping stone to advancement – i.e., career-oriented.
• It’s a place to express what matters deeply and be in contribution to community – i.e., a calling.

Callings abound in every profession, and happy people find ways to narrate their work in that context. They become architects of their work, taking the initiative to bring their day-to-day responsibilities in accord with a higher purpose. They’re great employees who show up on time, take fewer sick days, and lend helping hands to co-workers. Their positive demeanor promotes broad, creative thinking and results in superior decision making. People who are happiest at work are happiest at home.

Of course, favorable employment rests on the shoulders of the employee’s attitude and the company’s treatment of its workers. Important factors for job satisfaction include opportunities for personal control, a variety of tasks, supportive supervision, respect, equitable pay and benefits, clear job requirements and the means to meet them, and a good “fit” with appropriate challenge.

Now that my husband and I have settled in Colorado, I have the bandwidth for primary research on healthy lifestyles. The next few posts will cover Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener.

The authors define true wealth in terms of happiness and life satisfaction. Elemental features include:

• Spirituality and meaning in life
• Positive attitudes and emotions
• Loving social relationships
• Meaningful work
• Engaging activities
• Life goals and the means to achieve them
• Physical and mental health
• Material sufficiency to meet needs

When endowed with true wealth, we see the good in the world while still remaining grounded in reality. We do not succumb to pettiness or negativity.

Happiness is more a process than a destination. It is seen as a beneficial way to travel on the journey of life, experiencing enjoyable, rewarding moments along the way. It places emphasis on being and doing rather than having. It acknowledges that unpleasant things happen along the way, and that no life is free from hardship. Yet working toward things that really matter – even when it’s hard – is part of the pleasure of obtaining them.

This treatment is consistent with mindfulness meditation practice. We are taught that everything in life changes. We may experience an exquisitely good mood in the moment, but it will not last. If we try to grasp onto it, we will suffer. Like clouds in the sky, that momentary sensation will float on by. If we experience physical or emotional pain, that, too, will change. In fact, the very act of paying attention to it with compassion and curiosity will alter the nature of the experience. We can find contentment when we bring awareness to each moment and open ourselves to whatever is present with compassion.

Life satisfaction arises from meaningful work, loving and supportive community, and worthwhile goals. As with happiness, we find satisfaction in the journey as well as reaching the destination. We then take the opportunity to define a new adventure and set out on a new journey.

The authors encourage us to see happiness for its beneficial impact rather than simply its pleasantries. Happiness is actually good for us!

• Happy people realize better health outcomes, better marriages, stronger social networks, improved financial security, and higher goal attainment.
• Happy people build up emotional capital that can be invested in worthy outcomes
• Happy people produce more creative ideas, work harder and better on the job, and make more money.
• Happy people find silver linings during setbacks and recognize that even bad moods serve a purpose – e.g., fear to keep us safe, guilt to instill moral behavior. Moreover, the heavier weight of good feelings outweigh the bad ones, ever bring them back to baseline.
• Happy people show curiosity and interest in new activities, actively develop their physical, intellectual, and social resources, leverage play to practice new skills and socialize, and brave new experiences.
• Happy people listen with concern, help when called upon, and exert effort to maintain relationship.
• Happy people perceive challenges as easier to overcome.

Sound good? Tune in to the next post for more details on the benefits of being happy!

I’ve often fallen into the delayed happiness trap – that belief that happiness will arrive when a certain event happens or time frame passes. My favorite variation on the trap takes the form of “if I can just get through this week (deadline, project, exam, etc.), then I’ll be happy.” I say it a lot. And I get that it puts happiness “out there” when it’s absolutely within my grasp to have it in the midst of whatever is going on right now. It’s a bad habit that I’m trying to break.

Happiness guru Sonja Lyubomirsky wrote a book about this trap. In The Myths of Happiness, she explores ten adult “crisis points” and the false beliefs we carry regarding the impact they’ll have on our lives. It turns out, we’re not very good at forecasting future happiness:

• We forget our tendency to adapt rapidly to good stuff (a.k.a. hedonic adaptation) and thereby cancel out any temporary bump in happiness that we experience.
• We chronically overestimate how long and intensely a negative outcome will affect us and underestimate our capacity to marshal resources and move forward.
• We don’t realize that people who have experienced some adversity may be happier than those who haven’t because of their increased resiliency, preparedness, and appreciation.
• We can’t know the long-term impact of something in the moment. The “worst thing” may turn out to be the “best thing.”

With greater insights about common fallacies, Lyubomirsky can guide us toward helathier attitudes today.

Myth #1: “I’ll be happy when I’m married to the right person.” Even the best of choices may wind up seeming less that satisfactory once the thrill of the romance wears off. Marriage gets ordinary. To sustain positive vibes over the long haul: Appreciate your partner’s good qualities and small acts of kindness. Aim for at least 5 positive comments/interactions for every negative one. Add variety to your lives; break up routines. It boosts happiness and is good for the brain. Make the most of your partner’s good news and be a support resource toward realizing his/her/their best self. Make physical contact regularly.

Myth #2: “I can’t be happy when my relationship has fallen apart.” We habitually underestimate the strength of our psychological immune system. We are masters of survival. That being said, a support network helps as does talking through the experience from the perspective of an caring observer. Find liberation through forgiveness. It reduces grievances, minimizes negative thoughts, bolsters optimism, fosters contentment, improves health, and boosts productivity.

Myth #3: I’ll be happy when I have kids.” Parenting is quite stressful. While we have coping mechanisms for big life vents, the daily hassles and irritants that come with raising children can be a drag on joy. Expressive writing can help parents give voice to their issues, understand them better, and move past them. Take time to step back and see the big picture. And give yourself some time off now and again!

Myth #4: I can’t be happy when I don’t have a partner.” While strong, caring, fulfilling relationships make us happy, they do not have to be sexual or romantic in nature. Focus on becoming your best possible self. Practice optimism. See possibilities in your life and community for social engagement.

Myth #5: I’ll be happy when I find the right job.” Much like the relationship myth, the “perfect job” falls prey to hedonic adaptation. While there’s a brief spurt of happiness upon attainment, the happiness scale resets to baseline in short order. Then, we think we won’t be happy until we get the next one! The antidote lies in aiming for high performance but loosening the grip on expectations and entitlement. Throw off pernicious comparisons with others; appreciate what you have right now. Pursue goals for which you enjoy the process of attaining them, not just the fruits of your labors. Shift the reference point from the “dream job” to one that is gratitude-inducing.

Myth #6: I can’t be happy when I’m broke. While income and happiness are correlated, the relationship isn’t strong once basin needs are met. Apply the ancient practice of thrift; live with less. The strain of debt far outweighs the thrill of purchase. Spend money on experiences versus possessions. Experiences are social, less prone to social comparison, and less likely to engender buyer’s remorse. Many small pleasures reap more benefits than a few large ones.

Myth #7: I’ll be happy when I’m rich. While money boosts overall life satisfaction, it doesn’t have a major impact on day-to-day happiness. Increased income tends to be accompanied by increased spending with the attendant comparisons with peers. Runaway materialism depletes happiness. Spend on need-satisfying things. Spend on others. Spend money to give you time to spend with loved ones.

Myth #8: I can’t be happy when the test results are negative. We may fear a dire diagnosis, yet we still hold the power to determine our life experience. As William James said: “My experience is what I agree to attend to. Only those items which I notice shape my mind.” Spend time in and around nature; it’s restorative. Use meditation to disengage from unhealthy thoughts. Learn what makes you happy and do it more. The happier we are, the better we’re able to address the inevitable challenges in this world.

Myth #9: I can’t be happy when I know I’ll never play shortstop for the Yankees. Life holds setbacks, disappointments, regrets for us all. Acknowledge them, but don’t be consumed by them. Reflect on where you are and how you got here. Avoid rumination. Be deliberate, analytical, philosophical, curious, self-aware, insightful. Think of life’s moments as a coherent journey, each propelling us forward. Leverage humor, compassion, gratitude. Then set new goals and embark on a new journey.

Myth #10: I can’t be happy when the best years of my life are over. Surprise, surprise. Seniors count themselves among the happiest people alive! They’re better at emotional regulation, and their shorter time horizons render them more present-oriented. Enhance happiness in this phase of life by thinking of the past as an endowment of wonderful memories, skills, experiences, insights. As Queen Elizabeth II said: “Good memories are our second chance at happiness.” Be open to new adventures and new life goals.

The big message: Don’t wait for happiness! Jettison these false beliefs and get on with finding happiness in the here and now.

I’ve spent the last six-and-a-half years exploring strategies for living a good and healthy life. Today’s post serves up a simple yet impactful addition to that list. It comes from Dacher Keltner’s book Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life.

I was skeptical when I picked up the book. By definition, awe is “an emotion variously combing dread, veneration, and wonder that is inspired by authority or by the sacred or sublime.” It’s a feeling of being in the presence It’s hardly something I’d consider commonplace. But Keltner invites us to look at the world with new eyes and tap the wellspring of awe daily.

Awe affords us a gaggle of benefits. It turns our attention outside ourselves and quiets the nagging, self-critical, controlling, status-conscious ego. It opens our minds to wonder and activates a mental state of questioning, curiosity, and creativity. Our thought processes gain a burst of energy and rigor as we seek to place newfound mysteries within our complex systems of understanding. And our sensibilities express themselves communally through an expanded circle of care and instinct for survival. Awe awakens our better angels to act in self-sacrifice and generosity.

I’ve been awestruck by nature when visiting Niagara Falls, our national parks, forests, mountains, lakes, and beaches, and while gazing at magnificent sunsets. And I have a visceral understanding of what it means to come together as a community in the wake of disaster – e.g., the Loma Prieta earthquake, Hurricane Floyd, the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon. Again – such experiences have been rare blips on my life’s radar, not daily occurrences.

Keltner makes the argument that everyone has the capacity to experience awe. All we need do is tune our antennae to receive it and create experiences that evoke it. He and his team of researchers conducted a global, cross-cultural research study to identify domains in which we are most likely to experience awe. They are:

• The strength, courage, and kindness of others
• Collective effervescence as manifest in group activities – sports, performing arts, ceremonial rituals (christenings, graduations and other rites of passage, weddings),
• Nature in all its beauty and power
• Music
• Art and visual design
• Mystical encounters
• The mystery and miracle of life and death
• Epiphanal moments that reveal the essential truths of life

Legendary primatologist Jane Goodall noted that chimpanzees are exemplars of awe-filled lives due to their capacity to be amazed by things outside themselves. The raw materials for wonder are all around us. We need but get out of our own way and notice them.

Moving in unison stirs the awe of ritual, sport, dance, religion, and public life. Keltner encourages us to find occasions for collective awe. We can join groups that present these opportunities, or gather folks around us to revel in experiences we originate.

Per Keltner, music, theatre, film, visual arts, fiction, poetry, and other creative expressions “share in experiences of awe so that we may understand the vast mysteries we face together in a culture we call our own.” I feel that sense of excitement when watching a movie with others on the big screen, experiencing live theater, or sitting in the symphony hall or opera house. There’s a surge of energy in the moment; there’s joy in sharing the experience with others later. (It’s particularly thrilling when performing as part of the ensemble!) It’s a strong argument for getting away from our large screen TVs and pursuing entertainment collectively.

One’s experience of the Divine also confers a sense of awe whether through traditional religious rites/services, spiritual practices, or other mystical experiences. All such settings provide the means to transcend the self and integrate one’s life into larger patterns of purpose and meaning. We can say: “I am part of something larger than myself.”

Beyond its favorable effect on emotional states, awe is good for the body. Persons who regularly experience awe quell chronic inflammation produced by an immune system that might otherwise be triggered by anxiety, rejection, loneliness, and other stressors.

Want to add a little awe to your everyday life? Follow Keltner’s 3-step recipe for a daily “awe walk”:

1. Tap into your childlike sense of wonder.
2. Go somewhere new.
3. Repeat steps 1 and 2.

“If you want to reap long term emotional benefits from a happiness activity, you need to devote persistent effort.” – Sonja Lyubomirsky

As I hearken back to the original post in this series, I land once again on the finding that 40% of our happiness level can be attributed to our intentional activity. Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky provided 12 evidence-based strategies with which to invest intentional effort in The How of Happiness. She closes the book with five overarching practices to sustain happiness.

Architect positive emotion. Create lots of happy moments that engender feelings of joy, delight, contentment, serenity, curiosity, interest, vitality, enthusiasm, and satisfaction. Positive emotions beget positive thinking. They encourage us to be more productive, active, healthy, friendly, helpful, resilient, and creative. They help us achieve our goals and set new ones.

The book presents an interesting hypothetical of a windfall gain of a large sum of money. Rather than blow it all on a fancy car or new home, the happier person spends it gradually over time on lots of joyful experiences. One big jolt of happiness wears off quickly. A series of happy moments creates an upward spiral of positivity.

Experiment with timing and variety. Even the best laid happiness plans can succumb to hedonic adaptation. We get used to them and fail to get the “happiness hit” that we’d like. Try spacing activities out and varying their content to keep the experience fresh. Avoid making them rote or treating them like chores. For example, count blessings once a week rather than every day. Or designate a “do-gooder” day and concentrate giving and volunteerism on that day. Shake things up periodically and see what works best.

Get social support. As Lyubomirsky says: “Any change in behavior that requires effort and dedication will be easier if spouse, children, friends, parents, siblings, coworkers are supportive.” They can work with you to remove impediments to your behavioral change. They can provide tangible support, comfort, and motivation. And they can offer feedback and encouragement. Lyubomirsky cites a 4-month weight loss experiment with two groups. Of the folks who dieted with friends, 95% completed the program and 66% kept the weight off for 6 months. Of the folks who dieted alone, 76% completed the program and only 24% kept the weight off for 6 months.

Make a commitment. A happiness program takes time and sustained effort. Participants must resolve to do it, learn the tools of the trade, do the work, and maintain a constancy of effort long term. The desire for change must be deep-seated; intrinsic motivation makes all the difference.

Make happiness a habit. I’ve read quite a few books on the power of habit. They’re forged when we inculcate a behavior in response to a specific cue or circumstance in anticipation of a reward. While it takes repetition to groove a habit, the behavior eventually becomes automatic in response to the trigger. We don’t think or decide; we just do. As such, we’d do well to go on autopilot with our versions of Lyubomirsky’s happiness strategies. We’ll reap the greatest amount of joy for the least amount of effort.

This website focuses on ideas to nourish the body, mind, and spirit. After extensive reading on that broad subject matter over the past several years, I’m not the least bit surprised that the final two strategies in Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book The How of Happiness concern taking good care of ourselves.

Practice religion or spirituality. Studies have shown that religious people are happier, healthier, and recover more quickly from trauma than non-religious folks. As a case in point, 47% of folks who attending church several times per week rate themselves “very happy”; only 28% claim the same degree of happiness when attending church less than once per month. Lyubomirsky posits several explanations for this finding:

• One’s relationship with the Divine provides a source of comfort and guidance.
• Through faith, adherents find meaning in life as well as a sense that their presence and efforts matter.
• The sacred texts and their interpreters yield guidance for living a virtuous life with rewards in this life or the next. These guideposts may give rise to healthy lifestyles and avoidance of risky behaviors.
• Contemplative prayer quiets the mind and stills the anxious soul; intercessory prayer provides comfort while seeking favorable intervention for the matters at hand.
• The faith community provides social support, a sense of identity, and collective of people with shared values.
• Faith inculcates a disposition to forgive.

Lyubomirsky notes that a few faith practices are not conducive to elevating happiness. They are belief in original sin (which lowers self-esteem), belief in a punitive God (which engenders guilt, shame, and fear), and a practice of intercessory prayer alone with no accompanying effort.

Those disinclined to pursue a faith-based practice may be advised seek the sacred in their daily lives. This pursuit may find expression in the sanctification of a life’s work, attentive care of the planet, caregiving for others, or advocacy for an important cause. It may entail engaging with others to explore the great philosophical texts and develop a coherent life scheme. It might involve communing with nature or reveling in the transcendent expression of art.

Whether a person of faith or not, a consistent practice of meditation brings the possibility of enlightenment and joy. Key elements to fruitful practice include: (i) be nonjudgmental; (ii) be non-striving; (iii) be patient; (iv) be trusting; (v) be open; and, (vi) let go. Practitioners realize elevated happiness, reduced stress and anxiety, improved immune function, heightened cognitive capacity, and deep compassion for all beings.

Take care of your body. I’ve written numerous posts extolling the virtues of a healthy diet, regular exercise, and a good night’s sleep. Based on scientific evidence, my household leans toward a vegan diet, though we eat meat occasionally. Committed omnivores might consider a reduction in meat intake and eliminate processed foods, sugar in all its forms, salt, and excess fat.

A daily dose of 30 minutes or more of aerobic exercise can bolster health, relieve stress and anxiety, lower risk of disease, and promote sleep. It improves happiness by boosting self-esteem as one masters new skills and sees positive change. It’s a vehicle for “flow” (discussed two weeks ago) that provides a respite from worries and rumination. And it creates opportunities for social engagement if pursued through group activities or team sports.

We all need adequate sleep to regenerate physically, cognitively, and emotionally. A sleep deficit causes us to suffer in mood, energy, alertness, longevity, and health. Check out How To Prepare for a Good Night’s Sleep for tips on improving sleep habits.

Finally, Lyubomirsky encourages us to act happy. Smiling and laughter thwart negative emotions and usher in feelings of peace, amusement, and joy. They’re also social magnets that give rise to friendliness in others. Even the mere act of putting on a happy face can make us feel better!

My sixth post on Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book The How of Happiness hearkens back to a piece I wrote six years ago when covering Dr. Martin Seligman’s five pillars of positive psychology. He defined the good life as “using your signature strengths every day to produce authentic happiness and abundant gratification.” Lyubomirsky couldn’t agree more. Her research found that individuals working toward something personally significant were far happier than those who did not pursue their dreams and aspirations. Moreover, she found that the process of working toward a valued and challenging goal contributed as much to well-being as its attainment.

Lyubomirsky identifies six benefits of being a goal-directed individual:

• We gain a sense of purpose and feeling of control.
• We strengthen our project planning muscles by breaking down high-level goals into subgoals and tasks and identifying the skills and time tables necessary to complete them.
• We make effective use of our time by setting the day’s priorities and working toward deadlines.
• Our efforts frequently bring us into close contact with others as we seek their assistance in completing our assignments.
• Our focus on meaningful tasks proves an effective coping mechanism when dealing with problems and disappointments.
• Goal-setting bolsters our self-esteem, self-confidence, and efficacy.

While the pursuit and attainment of any goal can bring a sense of satisfaction, we don’t always get a boost in positivity in the doing of it. Happiness-inducing goals have the following characteristics:

• They are personally meaningful, engaging, motivating, and rewarding. They satisfy the need for autonomy, competency, and connection with folks who share a natural interest. Their pursuit does not depend on what others think.
• They are rooted in deeply held interests and core values and align with the pursuer’s personality.
• They draw people toward them; they’re not about avoiding an undesired outcome.
• They complement the other goals that the individual pursues.
• They’re appropriate to one’s age, opportunities, and circumstances; they adapt in the wake of changing priorities.
• They give rise to a range of activities that allow for a continuous stream of new experiences, new connections, challenges, and skill development.

In an ideal world, our professions provide the opportunity for creating happiness-inducing goals. It may take some ingenuity to attend to the assigned responsibilities and work other goals into the mix. WE might ask ourselves: What would make this job more interesting? What new skills could I develop in this role? Is it possible to get everything done more efficiently and effectively, thereby leaving time for other pursuits? Or, could I engage my mind in some other activity while doing the assigned work? Outside working hours, we might explore activities that really light us up and see how we might pursue them in a more goal-directed way.

Goal-directed behavior plays a big role in keeping retirees healthy and happy. Absent the structure of paid employment, many wind up frittering away all the precious free time they’ve gained through years of hard work. To keep their spirits and sense of self alive and well, they need to identify interests that can be pursued with passion. Take and/or teach classes. Serve as an advocate for an important social cause. Volunteer. Become an artist. Learn a musical instrument. Train for a half-marathon. If the road ahead offers limited guideposts, they might seek a group of fellow sojourners to explore the path with them.

In this fifth post on Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book The How of Happiness, I’ll look into the value of living in the present. According to Professors Matthew A Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University, our minds wander 46.9% of our waking hours. Rather than focusing on what we’re doing, we’re ruminating about the past, contemplating the future, or fussing about situations that may not come to pass. And as it turns out, mind-wandering makes us unhappy. So, what can we do about it?

Pursue engaging activities. In his national bestselling book Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience, Dr. Mihaly Csíkszentmihályi advanced the thesis that people are happiest when they are so completely immersed in what they’re doing that they lose track of time. Such activities tend to be challenging and demand our full concentration while stretching our skills and expertise. We feel fully in control yet swept away by the current of activity. Such activities are deemed inherently pleasurable and worthy of repetition, albeit with ever-increasing demands on our abilities. Csíkszentmihályi notes:

“There is no inherent problem in our desire to escalate our goals, as long as we enjoy the struggle along the way.”

To that end, the chosen activity must balance our current skills with the designated challenge. Too little challenge and the activity induces boredom; too much and it engenders anxiety and frustration. When just right, the state of flow proves highly engaging and yields a substantive boost to self-esteem in its aftermath. Lyubomirsky’s recommendations for pursing flow include:

• Cultivating the art of paying attention consistently to the task at hand
• Becoming a lifelong learner, approaching each new subject with an open beginner’s mind
• Paying attention to the activities in which you naturally experience flow; figure out how to replicate them
• Adding mind-bending elements to routine tasks – e.g., working through puzzles in your head, writing poems, composing melodies, committing things to memory
• Creating flow in conversations by listening deeply
• Narrating your chosen profession as a calling rather than just a job or career

Savor life’s joys. When ruminating, planning, or worrying, we’re foregoing the opportunity to revel in all the good that life has to offer. We may even get stuck in a cycle of negativity. We could choose instead to savor the past by reveling in our fondest memories. We could relish whatever is happening in the present moment. And we could anticipate the future with a sense of optimism. When we mindfully accentuate positive experience, we bolster our happiness and make it less likely that depression, anxiety, guilt, or stress will take root. A few activities to put in the hopper include:

• Slowing down and paying close attention to the sights, smells tastes, sounds, and feel of ordinary moments – e.g., truly savoring a meal rather than gulping it down while dashing off to another activity
• Waxing nostalgic about the good old days with friends and family, thereby increasing the experience of joy, accomplishment, amusement, and pride
• Celebrating good news however big or small with family and friends
• Being open to beauty and excellence
• Creating a savoring photo album or soundtrack to reference periodically as a means of reawakening a sense of joy

In this fourth post on Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky’s book The How of Happiness, I’ll discuss strategies for coping with life’s inevitable downturns. According to Lyubomirsky, half of all adults will experience at least one traumatic event in their lifetime – e.g., death, terminal or chronic illness, major surgery, job loss, natural disaster. We’ll also know the pain of navigating the end-of-life for parents and grandparents, break-ups, friendships gone sour, work and family stress, and other disappointments. We need to find our way out of hurt, sadness, depression, confusion, and/or fear such that the disruption’s impact does not become a permanent state of despair.

Develop coping strategies. Lyubomirsky says our response to a negative event or situation can be problem-focused (seeking resolution), emotion-focused (managing reaction), or some combination of the two. A problem-focused approach may look at options, identify pro/cons, assess costs/benefits, and develop criteria for decision-making. It relieves stress by providing a means to reassert control and take action. An emotion-focused approach provides comfort or relief in the moment and helps move toward a state of acceptance and equilibrium. Representative tactics include:

• Engaging in a pleasant distraction to give the heart and soul a measure of respite – e.g., go hiking, walk on the beach at sunset, take in a movie
• Seeking support from close friends with whom you can share your feelings unreservedly and know that you do not face your suffering alone
• Using expressive writing to create a coherent narrative that helps you understand, come to terms with, and accept the current circumstances
• Finding a means to reinterpret the current situation such that you focus on the “silver lining,” the lessons learned, the perspective gained, or the opportunity for personal growth

The situation may yet be a source of profound grief or distress. It may take time to work it through and reclaim your peace of mind. Yet in its midst lies the possibility of acknowledging the fragility of life and reorienting priorities to align with what matters most. You may come out the other side with greater self-confidence, stronger relationships, more compassion for others, and a deeper sense of meaning for your life.

Learn to forgive. With the world’s great faith traditions routinely instruct their followers to practice forgiveness, it’s a bitter pill to swallow. When we’ve been wronged, hurt, or attacked, the last thing most of us want to do is “turn the other cheek.” More likely, we’ll feel angry, uncharitable, and even vengeful. Yet this preoccupation, hostility, and resentment hurts us emotionally and physically. It can make us hateful, self-righteous, anxious, neurotic, and depressed.

Forgiveness doesn’t negate the wrong that has been committed or deny reparation. It doesn’t confer a pardon nor make excuses. It doesn’t force reconciliation. Rather, it’s a shift in feelings and attitude toward the offender that allows for a release of negative emotions. It’s something we do for ourselves. Studies show that when we routinely practice forgiveness, we’re healthier, happier, more agreeable, more compassionate, and serene. We make room for the possibility of reestablishing relationship. We feel better about ourselves.

Lyubomirsky serves up several exercises to help us flex our forgiveness muscles:

• Recognize that you need forgiveness as much as you need to forgive. Take stock of ways in which you’ve harmed others and ask their forgiveness.
• Walk a mile in the perpetrator’s shoes. Try to see what led to the offending behavior. Be empathetic.
• Write a letter of forgiveness. Describe the injury and its impact in detail. Express what you wish had been done differently. Then offer forgiveness. (Note: The letter does not need to be sent.)
• Think charitable thoughts about the person who hurt you; focus on their positive attributes.
• Ruminate less.