EBV: A Pernicious Little Virus

I was diagnosed with mononucleosis as a kid. I don’t remember much about it other than a prolonged absence from school. I thought it was a one of those once-and-done childhood illnesses. I was wrong! Here’s what I’ve learned since…

Epstein-Barr virus (EBV) causes mononucleosis. It targets lymphocytes and epithelial cells (i.e., those lining the mouth, tongue, and nose) and uses them as breeding grounds. Once infected, people may experience fatigue, fever, sore throat, swollen lymph nodes, enlarged spleen, rash, etc. Symptoms typically abate within 2-4 weeks, although some folks remain under the weather for weeks or even months.

Transmission occurs via bodily fluids. Common forms of contact include kissing, sharing food and drinks, sharing cups and utensils, and having contact with toys that kids have drooled on. Most people get infected with EBV at some point in their lives. Once infected, the virus hangs around for life. Fortunately, a properly functioning immune system can keep it in check.

Because the symptoms are similar to a lot of other viral conditions, physicians test for EBV antibodies to make a positive diagnosis. According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), these antibodies include:

Viral capsid antigen (VCA)s: Anti-VCA IgM appears early in EBV infection and usually disappears within four to six weeks. Anti-VCA IgG peaks at two to four weeks after onset, declines slightly, then persists for the rest of a person’s life.
Early antigen (EA): Anti-EA IgG appears in the acute phase of illness and generally falls to undetectable levels after three to six months. However, 20% of healthy people may have antibodies against EA for years.
EBV nuclear antigen (EBNA): Antibody to EBNA slowly appears two to four months after onset of symptoms and persists for the rest of a person’s life.

I got interested in EBV when my doctor suggested that my hearty little EBV band had reasserted itself, thereby resulting in chronic fatigue. So, I did a little research to see if anyone is working on a cure. Apparently, there isn’t one. Some folks are working to develop a vaccine to prevent infection. Unfortunately, those efforts would not benefit those among us who have already been afflicted.

Recommended treatments for EBV focus on bolstering the immune system. Treatment plans typically consist of a multi-pronged approach:

Drinking plenty of fluids, getting plenty of rest, minimizing life stressors, and logging 8-9 hours of high-quality sleep nightly
Practicing deep relaxation techniques (e.g., meditation, yoga, deep breathing) to calm the body and mind
Eating a healthy diet loaded with immune-boosting foods such as dark leafy greens, Vitamin A rich carrots and sweet potatoes, dark blue and black berries, nuts, seeds, and good quality protein
Using immune supportive, antiviral, anti-inflammatory herbs and supplements that have proven effective at counteracting EBV, preferably under the supervision of a trained medical professional

An interesting article by Nina Mikirova and Ronald Hunninghake describes a positive effect of high dose Vitamin C on EBV infection. In part, this treatment rectifies a vitamin deficiency often noted in virally infected patients. Vitamin C also promotes detoxification to counteract oxidative stress caused by viruses. They also found a potential role for Vitamin D in reducing viral antibody levels.

Finally, I’ve been reading The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. He writes about a simple form of meditation that has been shown to boost immune function. While lying in a relaxed position on your back, focus on each body part successively for 15+ seconds, going from toe-to-head. Think about flooding each part with healing energy. After focusing intentionally on the parts, think about flowing waves of energy pulsing up and down the whole body. Do this practice first thing in the morning and right before nodding off to sleep at night.

While it’s disappointing that I can’t just “take a pill” and be done with it, I take heart in the things I can do to be kind to my body and help it heal. My treatment has already produced tangible results in my blood work, and I feel so much better. I’ll keep some form of it up permanently… just to make sure that pernicious little virus doesn’t wreak any more havoc!

What Can I Do For Someone Who Grieves?

In my last post, I wrote about the 5 stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. If you’ve been on the receiving end of difficult news or supported family members, friends, or acquaintances as they process troubling circumstances, I imagine that you’ve had some experience with the process. It’s hard to know what to do or say to ease another person’s suffering.

For those of us who desire to be a comforting presence for others, Dr. Robert Buchman offers sage advice in his book, I Don’t Know What To Say. In short, simply providing space for letting your companion talk about his or her distress can help relieve it. You don’t have to have any answers or solutions. Being an attentive listener can be a healing balm.

A few practical tips for conversation:

Choose the right time and place. Privacy fosters openness as does freedom to allow the conversation to take its time. Be willing and able to give this time your full attention.
Provide an invitation to converse. Honor your friend’s request if he or she is not up to it. Be open and attentive if the time is right. Encourage disclosure with your body language (e.g., open stance, warm facial expression, eye contact) and your words (“Yes,” “I see”).
Be a stellar listener. Follow the path they set. Don’t think about what you might say next; don’t interrupt. As appropriate, repeat what you heard and ask clarifying questions. “Can you help me understand what you mean?” “Could you describe how that feels?” Expect repetition.
Avoid the temptation to provide answers or solutions, even when asked a direct question. Use that inquiry as an opportunity to help your friend think more deeply about the matter. As a case in point, folks regularly asked me if I thought there was life after death when I served as a hospital chaplain. The conversations were always much more interesting when I asked patients what they thought about it.
Don’t rush to fill silence (even if it makes you feel uncomfortable). Heavy emotional content takes time to process, and the words to capture the feelings may come slowly. Just be present and loving.
Encourage reminiscence. Memories can be a source of comfort as a way to find meaning in one’s life.
Respond to humor. It provides relief from intense feelings.
Be aware of “your stuff.” Difficult conversations can trigger our own reactivity. It may bring up our own pain, discomfort, fear, uncertainty, doubt, anger, etc. We may not be able to control our feelings, but we can notice them as they arise so that they don’t overtake us.

At the end of the day, it’s not about what you do or say; it’s about how well you connect. The more you try to understand your friend’s feelings, the more support you are giving. To that end, try to stay close enough that you provide an empathic response while keeping sufficient distance to avoid losing yourself in the heat of emotion.

A Season for Grieving

A week ago, the ninety-something-year-old father of a good friend passed peacefully in his sleep. Four days later, the ninety-something-year old mother of another good friend left this world in the ER of a local hospital. Another friend’s father is on the cusp of hospice care. It’s my generation’s turn to bid good-bye.

Elisabeth Kübler-Ross provides really useful insights in her seminal book entitled On Death and Dying: What The Dying Have to Teach Doctors, Nurses, Clergy, and Their Own Families. In a nutshell, patients consistently said that empathy from their loved ones proved immeasurably helpful when overcoming the shock of an unfavorable prognosis. They also wanted partners who’d walk hand-in-hand with them through their treatment and, in time, their passing.

Kübler-Ross teaches us to be mindful of the different stages of grief. They are:

Denial: Patients tend to think bad things happen to “the other guy.” Denial helps buffer the shock of the bad news while they muster the resources to face it.
Anger: It’s perfectly normal to shake one’s fist at the heavens and shout, “Why me?” Yet it’s disconcerting for the family and caregivers whose own anxiety seeks to quell the disturbance. Providing space to allow that anger to release helps patients come to terms with reality and deal with it.
Bargaining: This stage reflects a desire to postpone the inevitable. “If I do X, Y, and Z, can I get better, or at least give myself more time with loved ones?” It fosters hope that we might be able to take control of the situation.
Depression: When the finality of one’s circumstances settles in, a deep sadness can overwhelm even the most optimistic of souls. Caregivers and family members may give in to their own discomfort and try to cheer the patient up. Yet that approach tends to fall on deaf ears. A compassionate response may involve simply “sitting in the mud” with your friend or loved one and being present.
Acceptance: Given enough time and the right kind of support, patients can accept their fates without feeling angry or sinking into depression. It’s not a happy stage, per se. But it’s one in which there might be peace.

Folks generally don’t process these stages in a linear fashion. One can bounce around between denial, anger, bargaining, and depression for quite awhile before (hopefully) finding acceptance. And just as patients undergo this process, so, too, do their loved ones.

I lost my beloved father 3 years ago this week. He was ill for many years and spent his final months in a skilled nursing facility. I thought I’d fully processed my grief until I happened upon Joan Didion’s The Year of Magical Thinking. It describes her life during the first 12 months after her husband’s sudden death. Her “magical thinking” revolved around denial of the finality of his passing and persistent consideration of what the two of them had been doing together one year prior. I found myself weeping. It tapped the unexpended reservoir of my own grief.

In the wake of those emotions, I wrote the following poem.

When the Light Went Out

I did not have a Year of Magical Thinking
when my father died.
I was not shaken to the core
when Death came.
I did not expect my father to return.

Death had been an unwelcome companion for years,
Robbing my father of mobility,
Denying him simple pleasures,
Taking his very breath away
All the while gnawing on his fragile frame.

I prayed for the battle to end.
I was there when he claimed a final wisp of air.

Yet all these months later,
I still weep and mourn the loss.

I miss the craftsman who forged my beginning
and had unwavering belief in my future.

I miss the engaging conversations,
The irritatingly wry sense of humor,
The 1000 watt smile,
And the gentle glow of silent affection.

On February 2, 2016, my father died
And the light went out
in that corner of my world.

Health Tips for Menopause

For years, Dr. Christiane Northrup, MD was the go-to source on The Oprah Winfrey Show regarding issues of women’s health. I remember watching a show after the release of her book The Wisdom of Menopause: Creating Physical and Emotional Health During the Change in the early 2000s and thinking, “I should read that book someday.” That day finally came.

Not surprisingly, the book covers a lot of scientific ground regarding all aspects of women’s health. Topics covered include:

What’s happening with our bodies and our brains
What’s happening with our hormones and options to deal with them
Foods and supplements to support the change
Strategies to support pelvic, breast, heart, and bone health
Myths and reality re: sex and menopause
Living with heart, passion, and joy

As one who favors a natural (non-pharmaceutical) approach to nurturing my body, I was keenly interested in the lifestyle choices that she recommended to promote optimal health. They are consistent with the advice dispensed by others throughout this blog… with a couple of interesting twists.

First, Dr. Northrup notes that menopause is as much a re-orientation of a woman’s psychological wiring as it is her physiological being. For most of her life, a woman has been programmed to focus on others as a caregiver for her life partner and offspring. Menopause creates the opportunity to nurture herself – to resolve old issues and set the ground rules for the years ahead. Physical ailments that arrive during this season are messengers that illumine a pathway to her inner wisdom. If she heeds the messages, she has the potential to heal holistically. For example:

“Lack of support, loss of or separation from one’s family, or difficulties balancing a feeling of belonging with a sense of independence can affect the immune system and increase susceptibility to infections and autoimmune disease.”

Hormonal imbalance may be adjusted with bioidentical replacements and/or lifestyle changes to address unpleasant side effects of the change. Laboratory tests can assess serum levels of estrogen (in its various forms), progesterone, and testosterone. There is no one-size-fits-all treatment for all women. An experienced physician can provide guidance and suggest alternative approaches.

A healthy diet makes a big difference. Eat a wide variety of fresh fruits and vegetables along with a good chunk of natural fiber. Eat three meals per day with each meal containing a healthy source of protein. Be attentive to portion size. If you cup your two hands in front of you, you approximate the size of your stomach. Don’t overtax this essential organ. Eat healthy fats (omega-3 and omega-6). Good sources include pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, flaxseed, hempseed, organ meats, and cold-water fish.

Non-GMO soy-based protein contributes significantly to many aspects of health. For example, a 12-week study of persons ingesting 60-70 mg of soy isoflavones showed a 5.5% increase in HDL (good cholesterol), a 9% drop in LDL (bad cholesterol), a 13% increase in osteocalcin (bone builder), and a 14.5% decrease in osteoclasts (cells causing bone loss). Soy also reduces the risk of colon cancer.

Note: Many women have been counselled to avoid soy due to concerns over the phytoestrogen content and its possible relationship to breast cancer. According to Dr. Northrup, phytoestrogens are far less potent than human estrogens – on the level of 100ths to 1000ths of a percent in potency. Moreover, they are antioxidant (preventing free radical damage) and adaptogenic (balancing estrogen activity in the body – stimulating if too low, blocking if too high).

Avoid sugar, processed carbohydrates, alcohol, and caffeine. Eat whole organic foods to maintain normal blood sugar and avoid overproduction of insulin. Caffeine is a bladder irritant that can stimulate growth of bacteria and weaken crucial muscles.

Get regular exercise. Aim for 30 minutes of continuous aerobic activity at least 5 times per week. Use weight training sessions at least 2 times per week to place load on the skeletal frame and encourage bone growth.

Get outside in the natural light during the early morning or late afternoon hours to stimulate natural production of Vitamin D. Deficiencies in this critical nutrient sets the stage for poor health. Twenty minutes 3-5 times per week ought to do it.

Get 8-9 hours of restorative sleep nightly. Develop good sleep habits and create an environment in the bedroom that supports rest and relaxation.

Never retire. Have something that keeps you interested and alive for which you can’t wait to get out of bed in the morning. It doesn’t have to be related to an established career or monetarily compensated.

Cultivate a positive attitude toward aging. Revel in the wisdom that this stage of life brings. Be optimistic, lively, engaging, and filled with good humor. Take the pruning shears to relationships and things that aren’t life-giving.

The Art of Collaboration

The opening weeks of 2019 have been bumpy. The daily news feed serves up stories that highlight the dissention among our elected officials. Yet another mainline church stares down the barrel of schism over differences of opinion regarding the LGBTQ community. An undercurrent of tension lies within the fabric of a local organization that is near and dear to me. Some personal and professional relationships are not firing on all pistons. I seem to be channeling Shakespeare’s King Richard in thinking: “Now is the winter of our discontent…”

Truth be told, I have a great life. I consider myself to have been richly blessed on so many levels. But I am a social being who revels in community, and I find disharmony deeply troubling. I’m particularly vexed by scenarios that get stuck in win-lose confrontations without putting forth good faith efforts at finding a win-win. It seems we might risk becoming Macbeth’s “tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.”

The library bookshelves teem with tomes on leadership and team building. The book that caught my eye was Twyla Tharp’s The Collaborative Habit: Life Lessons for Working Together. Tharp is a world-renowned dancer, choreographer, and author who lives and works in New York City. She founded the Twyla Tharp Dance Company and created a distinctive body of work that fused classical, jazz, and pop music.

Here are quotes that resonated for me:

“The wisdom of a smart group is greater than the brainpower of its smartest member.”

“People are people. And people are problems. But people practiced in collaboration will do better than those who insist on their individuality.”

“Personal emotional commitment is essential. Collaborators aren’t born; they’re made. Built one day at a time through practice, through attention, through discipline, through habit.”

“Collaboration balances self-absorption. It’s a powerful tool for socialization and tolerance.”

“A clearly stated and consciously shared purpose is the foundation of great collaborators.”

“The sooner you establish a routine, the more smoothly your collaboration will advance.”

“The first requirement of collaboration is commitment… With agreement, you don’t revisit. You execute.”

“Creative disagreements between sympathetic collaborators spur new ideas.”

“Collaboration can be internal – an act of listening to others and then having a silent, private conversation with yourself.”

“The ultimate best result of any collaboration is learning to look through your collaborator’s eye.”

Twarp also shared the ethos of the Guarneri Quartet, an American string quartet founded in 1964 that performed for over four decades with only one personnel change: “Honesty and bluntness, but not to the point of pain. Mutual respect, but not to the point of formality and stiffness. Shared values, so the group’s mission can carry it over the inevitable bumps. And, of course, actual achievement, so the group is supported by an appreciative community.”

As patrons, we can let art lift our hearts, spark our imaginations, and promote an appreciation for our shared humanity. As a community in distress, we might reflect on what the collaborative arts have to teach us about finding a way forward.

A Fresh Approach to Goal Setting

Having written about the top 10 mistakes we make when launching self-improvement initiatives, it occurs to me that I ignored the biggest one of all: Choosing the wrong objective/goal/resolution in the first place. I confess that I’ve been guilty of this error in judgment quite often. I’ve committed to what could and should be good for me rather than what I really want.

I was introduced to a book by Danielle LaPorte a couple of years ago – The Desire Map: A Guide to Creating Goals with Soul. With that auspicious title, I opted to take a leap of faith and work through the exercises to see what they might reveal.

Danielle’s basic thesis: “Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent clarity you can have. Generating those feelings is the most powerful thing you can do with your life.” To that end, she walks readers through an exploration of the five major areas of life:

LIVELIHOOD & LIFESTYLE	Career, money, work, home, space, style, possessions, fashion, travel, gifts, sustainability, resources
BODY & WELLNESS	Healing, fitness, food, rest & relaxation, mental health, sensuality, movement
CREATIVITY & LEARNING	Artistic and self-expression, interests, education, hobbies
RELATIONSHIPS & SOCIETY	Romance, friendships, family, collaboration, community, causes
ESSENCE & SPIRITUALITY	Soul, inner self, truth, intuition, faith, practices

She asks readers to turn off their analytical (and ofttimes judgmental) brains and explore the answers to four foundational questions:

In every area of my life, what am I grateful for? What’s not working?
What are my core desired feelings?
To generate my core desired feelings, what do I want to do, experience, or have?
What three or four intentions and goals will I focus on this year?

I’ll confess that I rolled my eyes a bit when reading about core desired feelings. I thought, “How do I know what my core desired feelings are?” Yet clear patterns emerged when working systematically through the exercises. I could identify circumstances where I activated desirable feelings and those where I decidedly did not. I came up with words to describe how I’d like to feel in each area of my life, and then settled on four adjectives that best capture my desired state:

ENERGETIC – INQUISITIVE – JOYFUL – CONNECTED

Knowing that’s how I’d like to feel, it’s much easier to consider opportunities and assess the degree to which they are likely to evoke those feelings. They also provide the litmus test on whether or not to keep doing some of the things on my plate. And, of course, I can challenge myself to make a daily, weekly, and monthly plan to increase the core desired feelings in each area of my life. (I’m reminding myself of that commitment with a sticky note on my computer stand!)

One final piece of advice from Danielle’s book:

“Set out to do three or four things this year with gusto and excellence, rather than doing a dozen things just sufficiently. The momentum and satisfaction you’ll gain from pulling off just a few amazing endeavors will far outweigh anything you could gain from doing a bunch of things halfway. Trust your inner guidance and don’t worry so much about getting it right.”

New Year, New Me?

The start of the new year feels like a clean slate on which I can architect a new me. And like ~40% of my fellow Americans, I’m drawn to the idea of making resolutions. Yet for all my good intentions, the data suggest that only 40% of resolutions last for 2 months, and a dismal 19% for 2 years.

I’ve written previously on the psychology of change, the science of habit formation, and the ADKAR system of change management. These posts are all worth a second look when contemplating lifestyle adjustments. I’m also a fan of Dr. BJ Fogg, a Behavior Scientist at Stanford University.

Fogg lists the Top 10 mistakes folks make when launching self-improvement initiatives:

Relying on willpower for long term change.
From other research, I’ve learned that willpower is like a muscle that can get fatigued by excess use. Reserves get depleted by too much stress, too little sleep, too much temptation, and the like. For long term success, you need to conserve this precious resource and consider ways in which to support it.
Attempting big leaps instead of baby steps.
Big changes require much higher motivation and a great deal more attention to behavioral triggers. While it can be done, it’s much easier to break big changes down to baby steps and build success upon success.
Ignoring how environment shapes behavior.
When leading the same old life with all the same old triggers, it’s likely that the same old behaviors will emerge. To change your life, you need to change the context in which you live.
Trying to stop old behaviors instead of creating new ones.
It’s hard to break free of entrenched habits. In fact, when the voice inside our heads says “don’t do X,” all we can think about is X! It’s much easier to groove a new pattern and think about doing it.
Blaming failure on lack of motivation.
There are a whole lot of reasons why we have trouble sustaining change. The secret to success lies in making new behaviors easier to do.
Underestimating the power of triggers.
Neuroscience tells us that triggers play a BIG role in the things we do. If we want to break bad habits – or forge new ones – we need to be attentive to triggers that set us in motion.
Believing that information leads to action.
The psychology of change tells us that information supports individuals when they are coming to awareness of the need for change or contemplating making a change. Thereafter, it doesn’t provide much of a behavioral boost.
Focusing on abstract goals rather than concrete behaviors.
Successful change starts with getting specific about the behaviors that will lead to desired outcomes. For example, it’s not enough to say, “I want to lose 10 pounds.” The plan needs to address how that weight loss will come about – e.g., cutting X number of calories out of daily consumption and/or increasing baseline metabolism by exercising vigorously Y number of minutes per week.
Seeking to change behavior forever, not for a short time.
“Forever” is a daunting word. It seems like an insurmountable goal that brooks little tolerance for slip-ups. Alcoholics Anonymous understands this concept. The organization has helped thousands of individuals loosen the grip of addiction by practicing sobriety “one day at a time.”
Assuming that behavioral change is difficult.
Fogg assures us that behavioral change isn’t hard when supported by the right process.

So how does BJ Fogg look at change?

In simple terms, Fogg tells us that we must Trigger the desired behavior when we are Motivated and Able to do it. All three factors must be factored into process design. He illustrates with a story.

Suppose you wanted to lose a bit of weight and improve fitness. Unfortunately, this New Year’s resolution combined with a gym membership have never gotten it done. So instead of the big lofty goal, try a simple behavioral pattern: Every time you go to the bathroom, do 20 abdominal crunches. “Get-Fit-Lose Weight” provides the motivation, the trip to the restroom provides the trigger, and the 20 sit-ups requires a bit of floor space. Groove that into a pattern for a while, then bump the reps…

What tiny steps might put you on the path to change?

Type Nine – The Peacemaker

The Enneagram Type NINE personality has a strong desire for inner and outer harmony. These individuals focus on others and on conflict avoidance in order to stay comfortable and peaceful. They are steady emotionally and rarely let their anger show. Being assertive feels risky because it might bring conflict. In fact, they’re rather good at distancing themselves from strong emotion for the sake of sustaining connection with others.

NINES bring a certain pacing to the world. They see the universal in all things and invite us to slow down long enough to take it all in. They like to explore options and are masters at applying slow pressure over time to achieve results. They’re also susceptible to procrastination and may have difficulty staying on course.

NINES are natural mediators due to their ability to see all points of view and render compassionate responses to heated emotions. They are nonjudgmental and accepting, often to the point of rendering themselves and their opinions invisible. They model courtesy in a way that shows everyone respect. They draw attention to what the affected parties have in common and are skilled at charting the path to compromise. They want solutions that are appropriate and fair for all concerned.

Of course, all that agreeableness can have a dark side. NINES can identify so closely with others’ agendas that they lose touch with their own. Everyone else’s needs, priorities, and sensibilities can dominate the NINE’s thoughts, feelings, and actions. They “fall asleep” to themselves to avoid pain, discomfort, and individuation. They lose touch with their own needs and preferences and may harbor a simmering resentment when taken for granted, overburdened, or ignored. Their wish for peace and harmony comes at the expense of a personal agenda that requires conflict, priorities, and right action.

NINES can find a lot of ways to move into inaction. They can get really busy, where everything calls for their attention and nothing comes into sharp relief. They can get stuck in their heads considering all the options, a form of procrastination. They can zone out and contemplate the universe or binge watch television. NINES need helpful friends and/or visual reminders to get them back on task.

When subject to the influence of the neighboring EIGHT, Healthy NINES combine their penchant for agreeableness with endurance, strength, and political sensitivity. They get things done with a velvet glove. When subject to the influence of the neighboring ONE, Healthy NINES synthesize ideas from a variety of input and set a course in the right direction.

NINES are also influenced by their dominant instinct:

Self-Preservation NINES are easygoing folks who revel in simple pleasures, e.g., food, drink, shopping, TV. They don’t ask much from life and aren’t terribly ambitious. They are practical, down-to-earth people who focus on everyday things rather than abstractions.
One-to-One NINES like to bask in the glow and energy of their partners, often choosing flamboyant or aggressive mates. Their partners become the centers of their worlds and may cause them to sacrifice their own sense of independence and identity. They tend to be kind and gentle characters who are not very assertive.
Social NINES want to live harmoniously among a collective of family, friends, and colleagues. They are fun-loving, sociable, and congenial types who work hard to secure membership in their collectives. They are attracted to the energy of working collaboratively and can be highly productive in service of others.

Under stress, NINES may adopt characteristics of an Unhealthy SIX. They downplay their own choices and desires and hang their hats on ideas, relationships, and institutions that hold the promise of providing security and stability. They may fill their calendars with activity as a means of avoiding the reality of their circumstances.

The antidote to stress lies in investing the time and energy to know what they want out of life and set about the business of developing the skills, experience, and connections to get it. For a NINE, that’s no small order. It starts with learning the value of saying NO if for no other reason than to create the space to connect with one’s inner wisdom. It also calls for acknowledging anger and other disharmonious emotions and taking the time to learn what they’re all about.

NINES find strength in movement toward a Healthy THREE where they learn to connect to their individual identities. From this position, they recognize their value and recover the ability to act and express themselves authentically. They can retain their calm demeanor yet assert themselves when needed.

Type Eight – The Protector

The Enneagram Type EIGHT personality lives in a world in which they believe external forces threaten to exert control and expose vulnerability. The attention goes to power and building strong defenses. These individuals protect the weak and seek justice for the aggrieved. EIGHTS don’t see themselves as forceful; they just do what needs to be done. As rugged individualists, they know their own minds, act on their own counsel, and resist unwelcome influence. What you see is what you get.

EIGHTS take up space; they won’t settle for anything small. They have a zeal for life and want to immerse themselves in interesting work, fun activities, and good food and drink. They don’t have a rheostat; they’re either ON or OFF. They stand ready to move into action at a moment’s notice. EIGHTS have a big appetite for getting things done and will move mountains to achieve their goals. They’ll be confrontational when the need arises and can become irritable when bogged down by minutia. They refuse to experience feelings that might slow them down.

EIGHTS have an orientation toward truthfulness; they can see BS coming a mile away and have no trouble calling people out on it. They have little tolerance for manipulatively weak or whiney people. Contrived vulnerability poses a threat to survival. Saccharine sweetness and flattery also make them uncomfortable. They prefer direct, forthright, no frills communication. (“Just the facts, ma’am.”)

EIGHTS project an air of certainty and make decisions confidently. (“I am frequently mistaken, but I am never in doubt.”) They can be able leaders, but they’re not driven to take the reins. They just want to know that power is being used well and trust those who take charge. When they sense a leadership void, they’ll fill it without necessarily wanting to do so. It’s their way of taking care of themselves and others.

EIGHTS take their time relating to others emotionally. They project strength and have easy access to anger which often intimidates those with whom they might forge connection. At root, they want a measure of assurance that you can bear the weight of their friendship. Until proven, they’ll hide their sensitivity so that you won’t know when or if they’ve been hurt. They’re like an armadillo – a tough outer shell with a soft underbelly. That being said, EIGHTS care deeply about important others and will take great pains to protect and nurture them.

EIGHTS experience their NINE wing as a connections to the big picture where they stand ready to fill gaps when they find them. It also compels them to want to share (or merge) experiences with the people they love. The SEVEN wing longs for an amped up experience of being free, vibrantly alive, and never bored. In short, they’ll go along with an external agenda (NINE) until they are bored or restricted (SEVEN); then they’re out.

EIGHTS are also influenced by their dominant instinct:

Self-Preservation EIGHTS are no-nonsense types who don’t mind ruffling feathers to get (and protect) what they need to survive. They are unabashed workaholics who put their excess into material things and live big. They are well-armed, territorial, and the rulers of their roosts.
One-to-One EIGHTS are intense, magnetic individuals who are passionate about the people in their inner sphere. (“I’m yours, and you are mine.”) They love a good time and find heated arguments stimulating. They may push hard on their intimates to test their ability to stand up to, and with, them.
Social EIGHTS look to create powerful bonds within groups. As the most socially minded of an anti-social type, they are willing to bite their tongues and use diplomacy to wield influence and maintain membership. Their social causes generally focus on securing justice for the oppressed or protecting the vulnerable.

Under stress, EIGHTS may adopt characteristics of an Unhealthy FIVE. They retreat from conflicts to reflect on what’s happening, gird their loins, and prepare for a confident re-entry into the scene. They may be seen as brooding while they gather and reflect on information. Left to their own devices, they can get stuck in contemplation that turns cynical and contemptuous.

The antidote to stress lies in getting in touch with one’s vulnerabilities while letting others in to provide support and reassurance. Trustworthy associates can break through the wall of defenses to allow for consideration of fresh interpretations of current events and productive courses of action. They can also take note of impulses that could prove self-destructive.

EIGHTS find strength in movement toward a Healthy TWO. From this position, they reconnect with their hearts to acknowledge how much they genuinely care about others. They recognize boundaries and limits – their own and that of others. They still work hard and get a lot done, but they know when it’s time to pull back on the throttle. Their zeal for life is experienced as joy in being alive.

Type Seven – The Enthusiast

The Enneagram Type SEVEN personality approaches life with curiosity, optimism, and a sense of adventure. These individuals use their life energy to help themselves and others find happiness, hope, and freedom from restriction. SEVEN energy insists upon “OK”: I’m OK, you’re OK, it’s OK, often simply to avoid dealing with pain or unpleasantness. They want to live fully and encourage others to do the same. They enjoy being the life of the party and having lots of interesting people, ideas, and events around them.

SEVENS love to contemplate possibilities. They are big-picture people who love to envision the future, consider all the options to get there, and instill confidence and enthusiasm among their cohorts as they embark on the journey. If something fills their heart’s desire, they’re all in. They don’t want to sit still and be quiet. However, it can be challenging for them to stick with a concept or plan long enough to see it through to fruition. The next interesting idea or opportunity always beckons at their doors.

SEVENS want variety and stimulation in relationship. They like to meet new people and peek into their lives to see if there is something that they might like to experience. They get antsy when others start to have expectations of them for fear of missing out on another opportunity. They often feel that other people cannot keep up with them.

At root, SEVENS think the world can restrict and limit you, and that you must be on guard at all times to be creative and free. They like having lots of options and back-up plans, even if they don’t act on them. They want to keep things open. Being forced to make choices can annoy them. If something gets dull, they’ll either find a way to make it interesting or get on with the next thing. When facing unavoidable difficulty, they’ll find a way to make everything OK. They don’t want to be settled, bored, or down.

From the influence of their wings, SEVENS fear (SIX) missing out on a great experience (EIGHT). If they make a firm commitment, they’ll be loyal to it (SIX). Broken commitments suggest they never really made them in the first place or that they didn’t matter anyway. From their EIGHT wing, they want something powerful and lusty to draw their attention and engagement. The wings also speak to advocating for the underdog (SIX) to right wrongs and protect (EIGHT) the weak.

SEVENS are also influenced by their dominant instinct:

Self-Preservation SEVENS focus their ambition on securing creature comforts. They’re classic consumers who are unabashed about pampering themselves. They like inviting people over to have new and interesting experiences.
One-to-One SEVENS seek an intense experience of being alive. They collect social data one person at a time (much like a bee pollinating flowers) and are drawn to people who they find especially interesting or charismatic. Their passion for future adventures can engender restlessness in intimate relationships.
Social SEVENS cultivate a wide circle of friends for stimulating companionship and for the sake of staying apprised of future possibilities. They like having a full social calendar. They are also most prone to make personal sacrifices for the sake of gaining freedom for others.

The vice of SEVEN is often described as gluttony, but it’s really impatience. They are anxious about not getting the most out of life. They don’t want to suffer as a function of making choices that deny them an ideal life. As such, they have a wandering eye that’s constantly on the lookout for more interesting experiences. They can become so fixated on future possibilities that they fail to revel in the here and now. This restlessness may deny them the pleasure of experiencing life deeply or providing an enduring sense of satisfaction.

Under stress, SEVENS may adopt characteristics of an Unhealthy ONE. They impose discipline on themselves to meet their obligations but chafe under the structure and limitations. They may strive for more freedom by trying to convince others that they are right about changing the rules of the game. They can become surly and impatient with those who disagree or fail to meet their standards of excellence.

The antidote to stress lies in processing anxiety when it threatens to take over and spur impulsive action. The circumstances may call for a simple act of finding contentment in the ordinary rather than seeking the next mountaintop experience. The growth path for SEVENs lies in learning to be still.

SEVENS find strength in movement toward a Healthy FIVE. From this position, they learn to quiet their hyperactive minds so that they can live more fully in the moment. They stay with their current experiences long enough to assess what is really happening and make more conscious choices about how they want to live.

Healthy Lifestyle

Ideas to Nourish the Body, Mind, and Spirit