How Successful People Use Their Time

As a follow-up to last week’s post, I read Laura Vanderkam’s book What The Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast… and Two Other Short Guides to Achieving More at Work and Home. Here are some of the high points from her writing.

Mornings

Our highest value activities should revolve around nurturing our careers, nurturing key relationships, and nurturing ourselves. Unfortunately, many of us let these activities slip to the bottom of our “to do” lists.

Mornings are the best time to set priorities for the day and ensure that important tasks get on the schedule. It’s also the time to DO some of those tasks – e.g., exercise – while our willpower is at its peak.

Laura’s advice: Give your career, your family, and yourself the best of your day, not what’s left over when everything else has taken its toll. To that end, picture the perfect morning. Think through the logistics of making it happen. Build the habits that reinforce those priorities.

Weekends

We all need restorative down time to give a boost to our energy, motivation, and productivity. And yet research has demonstrated that it’s not rejuvenating to simply “veg out.” We need some form of stimulation to feel happy, creative, and whole. Common activities include exercise, team sports, coaching, music, art, hobbies, volunteering, adventures with family and friends, and leveraging work-related skills in alternate forums (e.g., a tech writer who crafts poetry).

While most folks bristle at the thought of planning for their off hours, Laura maintains that “rest time is too precious to be totally leisurely.” Absent a plan, time can easily be filled up with chores, errands, email, web-surfing, TV, and other people’s agendas. That being said, plans do not have to be rigid and detailed. Laura advises scheduling a few “anchor events” at key intervals throughout the weekend. Beyond giving the weekend structure, they fuel a sense of anticipation as the weekend draws near. Anticipation alone confers a sense of excitement and happiness.

Laura’s advice: Compress chores by creating a distinct window of time to do them (and allowing some to be left undone). Mine your list of “100 Dreams” for ideas. Use mornings wisely. Create traditions with family and friends. Schedule down time (e.g., meditation, nap). Make time to explore. Plan something fun for Sunday night.

Work

Successful people take their work seriously… and take their time at work seriously. Laura’s research suggests that they adhere to the following 7 principles:

They keep track of how they spend their time and actively consider ways to use it more effectively.
They develop plans for the coming day, week, month, and year. They carve out time for periodic review and make adjustments, as needed.
They say what they’ll do and do what they say. To that end, they are choosy about what they allow on each day’s priority list. They are realistic about what they can get done and hold themselves accountable to their commitments.
They know that some activities masquerade as “work” but don’t advance their professional or organizational objectives. Common “brier patches” include email, texts, meetings, and conference calls. Successful people find ways to communicate and collaborate effectively. They know that there is an opportunity cost for their time and that of their colleagues. (You don’t need an hour’s meeting to complete 15 minutes’ worth of work.) They also know that scheduled breaks and social time benefit work.
They work at their craft. They stay abreast of developments in their fields and challenge themselves to remain at the top of their game.
They remain employable through careful cultivation of their knowledge, skills, experience, networks, and interpersonal skills – a.k.a., “career capital.”
They love what they do. They take pleasure in making headway on meaningful projects and find joy in the doing of them.

Make Good Use of Time

Over the years, I’ve read several books on time management. I’d like to be able to say that I’ve put all that good advice into practice. But the truth of the matter is that I’m regularly overbooked and need refresher courses (and inspiration) to do a better job managing my time.

My latest foray into this subject matter came by way of Laura Vanderkam’s book 168 Hours (for which the subtitle is You have More Time That You Think). The title comes from the total hours in one week – a period sufficient to get a true picture of how we spend our time and to consider how we might allocate this precious resource better.

Time is an interesting concept. One the one hand, it’s not infinite; there are a fixed number of hours in every week into which we must fit all of our activities. On the other hand, you can fit a whole lot of life into 168 hours when using time wisely. Unfortunately, many of us fritter that resource away and wind up feeling like we’re scrambling to get everything done.

Here’s the basics of Laura’s time management planning process:

First: Do a time log over the course of a few weeks to see exactly how you are spending your time. Categorize your time into meaningful categories and subcategories. Be especially attentive to how you spend your work hours. Pay attention to how much of that time is truly productive versus just logging hours. Once you’ve got meaningful data, ask yourself: Is this really how I want to spend my time? Where can I make adjustments?

Second: Create a list of “100 Dreams” (or “1000 Dreams”) to provide fuel for exercising your passion muscles. Consider how these items might factor into your work life and provide rewarding ways to spend non-work hours.

Third: Identify your core competencies. These are things at which you are natively skilled and for which you have sufficient interest, ability, and motivation for continuous improvement. They should be abilities that you can leverage in multiple spheres of influence and that you find meaningful and important. The happiest people spend most of their time exercising their core competencies. They get rid of, minimize, or outsource tasks that don’t leverage those skills.

Fourth: Start with a blank slate (Sunday through Saturday, 24 hours per day) and fill in the hours from the ground up. Start with the necessities and high priority activities – e.g., good quality sleep, personal hygiene, eating (including shopping and meal preparation), work, relationships (e.g., spouse, children, friends, colleagues). Think about what choices you can make to increase the percentage of time that exercises your core competencies. Most folks find that they have a lot of time remaining that can be filled with meaningful activities… some of which could simply be restful, restorative “me time.”

Fifth: Give some structure and purpose to leisure time. Laura says: “Time is too precious to be leisurely about leisure.” As a case in point, Neilson research tells us that the average American spends ~30 hours/week watching TV of which ~20 hours per week represents concentrated attention. Could that time be better spent thinking about creating a more vibrant career, more meaningful relationships, and/or improved health and vitality?

Finally: Be open and flexible as you start to re-architect how you spend your 168 hours per week. There may be things on your “list of dreams” that you thought were really important that turn out to be duds once you actually start factoring them in. That’s OK! You’ll be learning a lot about yourself in the process. It may even be the case that things you’ve always considered core competencies may not be things that really bring you joy or provide fuel for personal development. Again – that’s OK! Consider what else might provide a sense of freedom, excitement, or challenge.

One final piece of advice really landed for me: Learn how to fill bits of time with bits of activity. As a life long musician, I’ve allowed myself to become stuck on the idea that time spent practicing must come in hour long chucks. Yet if I have my piano or guitar at hand, there’s no reason why I can’t work on bits of music in 10 to 15 minute chunks.

Two Years of Blogging

I launched this website by asking myself the following question: What changes can I make today that will increase the likelihood that I’ll enjoy good health, strong mental acuity, a positive attitude, and warm social relationships as I age? I challenged myself to write a weekly post on that topic for 1 year. On my first anniversary, I re-upped the challenge for another year. And I’ve decided to re-up again.

I’ll confess. I usually grumble and groan when my self-imposed deadline crops up and I’ve got to come up with something about which to write. Most of the time, the task is also accompanied by a call to read a book and make it the focal point of my piece. Yet there have been clear benefits to taking up the mantle.

I’ve learned an awful lot about the human body and how it can be kept in good working order. For me, knowledge is power. Knowing how my body works provides the impetus for adopting healthy behavioral patterns. I’m also a far more effective dialog partner with medical professionals who are charged with my care. I ask better questions and press them (appropriately) for their rationale regarding treatment plans. In today’s environment, I believe wholeheartedly that we must become our own healthcare advocates!

I’ve developed a healthy skepticism for “nutritional experts” given the disparate advice served up by the panoply of published authors. To be sure, some advice finds resonance among them all – e.g., eat whole (not processed) foods, focus on high-quality protein, get plenty of servings of fresh fruits and vegetables, avoid sugar, drink water, etc. But there are some big differences in opinion – e.g., Paleo versus Whole-Food Plant-Based Diet aficionados. My approach: Lean into the evidence-based science, put my money where my mouth is (i.e., free range poultry, grass-fed meat, organic/non-GMO produce), and make my own food so that I’ll know what I’m eating.

I’ve explored the discipline of “change management” by understanding how the brain works, how habits are formed, and what strategies increase our likelihood of instituting healthy behaviors. I’ve realized that no matter how badly I want to get rid of bad habits or practice good ones, I diminish my ability to succeed unless I’m attentive to the ways in which I go on “autopilot” and develop concrete plans to disrupt those cycles.

I’ve read quite a bit about positive psychology along with research on what makes people healthy and happy over the long haul. The findings aren’t so much earth-shattering as helpful “litmus tests” against which to gauge how I’m currently living my life.

I’ve devoted a fair amount of attention to the enneagram, a personality typing system through which I’ve gained insights about myself and greater compassion and understanding for others. It’s a subject matter that I find interesting and useful.

I’ve read lots of books that espouse the benefits of healthy eating, regular exercise, restorative sleep, detoxification, deep relaxation (e.g., yoga, meditation), and de-stressing. Again – not earth-shattering news but well-worth the reinforcement.

I recognize the value of stimulating the intellect, pursuing meaningful work, and surrounding myself with loved ones and a caring community. It’s not just pleasurable; it’s good for the body!

While most blogging pundits serve up loads of strategies for promoting one’s sites and increasing readership, I’ve never once been concerned with pursuing those disciplines. I’ve never checked to see whether or not anyone reads what I write (although I hope they do!) Rather, I consider this practice a kind of “spiritual discipline” through which I pursue self-improvement. Absent the internal deadline of a weekly post, I probably wouldn’t be as proactive in learning new things and applying what I’ve learned.

What subject matter grabs your attention at a level that might spur a weekly blog post?

Lights Out!

If you follow my blog, you’ll know that I’ve already written a couple of posts about sleeping. It’s a subject that is near and dear to me as I’ve always been a lousy sleeper. When my head hits the pillow, my “monkey mind” takes over and keeps me awake. So I’m naturally drawn to books that offer insights about how I might improve.

Lights Out: Sleep, Sugar, and Survival by T.S. Wiley (with Bent Formby, PhD) provides interesting insights on this subject matter. Wiley is an anthropologist whose research on human physiology gives hearty consideration of our evolutionary history. She’s also meticulous in combing through and documenting studies by luminaries in the field. (She devotes roughly a third of the book to endnotes and bibliography!)

She notes that in 1910, the average adult slept 9-10 hours per night. Now, we’re lucky to get 7 hours per night. And when we don’t get enough sleep, we’re more likely to be fat, hungry, sickly, hypertensive, and prone to cancer and heart disease. (Yikes!) Here’s why…

As humans, we are hard-wired to store fat when exposed to long days, short nights, and a diet rich in sugars. Our bodies think it’s summer – a time to add some extra padding to get ready for sparse food supplies in winter. The combination of less sleep and increased sugar consumption revs up our appetites, thereby ensuring that we grab all the calories we can while the getting is good. As we bulk up, our livers also transform excess sugar into cholesterol to help keep cell membranes from freezing when the low temperatures settle in.

Shorter nights also result in less melatonin production which dampens immune function. Melatonin is a powerful antioxidant. Moreover, according to the NIH, it takes three-and-a-half hours of melatonin secretion before you see prolactin. You need six hours of prolactin production to maintain immune T-cell and beneficial killer-cell production. A fall-off in production may not be an issue during the warm summer months, but it IS a problem when the cold and flu season hit. And, of course, it’s all the more an issue given the modern day exposure to carcinogens.

We need healthy endothelial cells to control clotting, cellular overgrowth, fat metabolism, and blood pressure. We harm endothelial function by:

Chronically high cortisol (caused by too much stress)
High levels of endotoxins (caused by insufficient sleep)
High homocysteine (caused by too much light)

When humans created artificial light, we threw thousands of years of evolutionary biology out of whack. We no longer have seasons of long days and short nights followed by short days and long nights. With lights, TVs, computers, and all manner of electronic devices on, we think it’s always summer. So we keep storing up for a season of hibernation that never comes. And that’s how we wind up overweight, over tired, and prone to illness.

The solution: Eat foods that align with seasonal production in your local area. Meditate, do yoga, or whatever to relax and ease into sleep. Keep house lights at low intensity after dark. Wear rose or amber glasses to block blue light. Live in total darkness for nine-and-a-half hours per night for at least 6-7 months of the year.

Frances Perkins: First Female Presidential Cabinet Member

I’ve always wanted to take a turn as a cast member of a Broadway Musical. To my good fortune, I’ve been selected to play a bit part in the Sherwood Foundation for the Arts summer musical, Annie. In addition to participating in ensemble numbers, I’ll play Frances Perkins, Franklin Delano Roosevelt’s (FDR) Secretary of Labor and the first woman to serve in a U.S. President’s cabinet. I thought it only fitting to learn a bit about her.

Frances was born in Boston MA on April 10, 1880. She grew up a shopkeeper’s daughter in middle-class Worcester MA. With her parents’ encouragement, she was among the 3% of women who earned a four-year college degree. Her exposure to liberal-minded activists at Mount Holyoke College set the course for her life’s work.

She taught school for 2 years in Worcester before heading to Chicago to pursue social work. She had a particular interest in poor immigrant women and took a job rooting out the perpetrators of sex slavery who preyed on desperate women. She took note of systematic bias against women in labor markets – e.g., lower pay for the same work and denial of union access. She bolstered her credentials to address these issues through graduate studies at The Wharton School of Finance and Commence. Thereafter, she pursued a fellowship at Columbia University and was granted a Master’s degree in political science.

Fresh out of graduate school, Frances was hired to run the New York office of the National Consumers League. Her charter focused on 4 priorities: working conditions, long work weeks and substandard wages for women, child labor, and fire hazards. She lobbied against sweat shops and worked for corrective legislation. She recognized humane manufacturers by dubbing their wares “White Label Items” and encouraged consumers to “wear their conscience.” She redoubled her commitment to safe working conditions after 146 women died in the Triangle Shirtwaist Factory on March 25, 1911. That horrific event also galvanized her supporters.

In the aftermath of the fire, Teddy Roosevelt asked Frances to lead a Committee on Safety to improve working conditions and institute fire safety standards. He’d been impressed by her vitality, intrinsic optimism, self-confidence, work ethic, and boundless energy. Her investigative work provided the impetus for legislative reform.

Frances married Paul Wilson on September 26, 1913. He was a wealthy, handsome, connected activist who trafficked in New York City politics. After a miscarriage and a stillborn son, Frances delivered a healthy baby girl on December 30, 1916 who they named Susanna. Ever the activist, she spearheaded the formation of the Maternity Center Association to provide free ob-gyn exams and newborn wellness care for poor women.

A changing of the guard in NYC politics left Paul out of work and out of favor. He became volatile and unemployable while gambling away all of their money. He was subsequently diagnosed with mental illness and would spend the rest of his life in and out of institutionalized care. This development placed Frances in the unenviable position of having to work to support her family and pay for Paul’s care.

Under Governor Al Smith, Frances earned a post on the Industrial Commission where she established workplace safety rules and mediated labor-management disputes. FDR tapped her to serve in his cabinet when elected to serve as New York’s Governor. With the dawning of the Great Depression, she advocated for a State Employment Service, explored unemployment compensation, and became the nation’s foremost authority on labor statistics.

Upon his election to President of the United States, FDR asked Frances to serve as his Secretary of Labor. Though arguably the most qualified individual for the post, she faced extreme bias on many fronts from those who resented placement of a woman in high office. While these contrarians were a constant source of pressure throughout her tenure, she kept her focus squarely on the work and consistently took the high road.

With rampant unemployment at the start of FDR’s Presidency, Frances’ work was front-and-center on the President’s agenda. A short list of her accomplishments:

She rooted out corruption and inefficiency in the Department. For example, she oversaw the conviction of 12 immigration officials for malfeasance, dismissed 13 for misconduct, and accepted resignations from 5 others. She also transformed the Bureau of Labor Statistics into a trusted source of information.
She worked with FDR to institute a Civilian Conservation Corps (CCC) that employed over 3.5 million citizens in forestry and ecology over a 9-year period. The CCC improved the value of public lands while stimulating the economy and bolstering worker confidence.
She administered the Federal Emergency Relief Administration and put 26 million Americans back to work through the Civil Works Administration and the Federal Works Administration.
She had a hand in the formation of the International Labor Organization (ILO) to push for international labor laws that would move the dial on the home front. She was also instrumental in preserving the organization through the ravages of WWII.
She provided the research, legislative support, and administrative support for the establishment of unemployment insurance, social security, and welfare programs.
Her fingerprints were all over the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1928 which brought about minimum wage standards, a 40-hour work week, and overtime pay.
She greatly expanded the U.S. Conciliation Service to help the nation deal equitably with labor strikes.

Frances’ personal life was never of a source of comfort during these difficult times. Paul could not manage on his own; he could not be trusted to circulate among the persons of influence with whom Frances worked. Susanna inherited her father’s mental illness and required an extra measure of support after her first marriage failed and a second one fell short of financial sufficiency. Frances’ financial obligations forced her to sustain full-time work after leaving FDR’s cabinet at age 65. She worked for President Truman as a Civil Service Commissioner and then took teaching positions at universities. She worked full-time into her 80s.

Frances Perkins did not achieve her due recognition in the annuls of history. Yet she would never have been one to toot her own horn. In reflecting on her life’s work, she would simply say: “I came to work for God, FDR, and the millions of forgotten, plain, common working men… ‘My cup runneth over and surely goodness and mercy will follow me.’”

Source: The Woman Behind the New Deal: The Life of Frances Perkins, FDR’s Secretary of Labor and His Moral Conscience, by Kirstin Downey

First Lady Michelle Obama

Michelle Obama came to town last week to speak at the Moda Center as part of her book tour for Becoming. I just finished reading it. Sure wish I’d had the foresight to get a ticket for her talk!

I’d absorbed snippets of information about Michelle Obama during the presidential campaign and her 8 years as First Lady of the United States. I knew that she’d gone to Princeton as an undergraduate and Harvard Law thereafter. I knew that she was a loving wife, committed parent, and powerful public speaker. And I knew that she oozed grace and class. But I’d barely scratched the surface of this remarkable woman.

She shared a 1-bedroom apartment with her parents and older brother while growing up in the South Side of Chicago. Her father had a blue-collar job which he executed faithfully despite suffering from multiple sclerosis. Her mother devoted herself to giving her children every possible opportunity to succeed. Neither parent complained about their life circumstances. They worked hard and instilled a strong work ethic into their children.

As the neighborhood fell victim to “white flight,” Michelle witnessed first-hand the waning support for public schools and other critical social services. She saw what it was doing to their collective confidence. She reminds us that failure starts as an idea before it becomes a reality. Though the odds may have been stacked against her, Michelle was driven to succeed, even when a high school counsellor deemed her “not Princeton material.” She persevered. She worked even harder and built confidence with each success.

I felt a sense of kinship when she wrote about her acceptance into the Harvard Law School. She hadn’t really thought about whether or not law was her thing. Rather, acceptance into such a prestigious institution was a public affirmation of competency and being deemed “good enough” to run with the nation’s elite. (I definitely relate to that feeling!) She completed her training, passed the bar, and worked for a few years in a law firm before realizing that it wasn’t fulfilling. Not surprisingly, her mother had a no-nonsense response when hearing of her daughter’s bourgeoning sense of disquiet: “Make money first and worry about happiness later.”

While continuing with her law practice, Michelle orchestrated a series of interviews that eventually helped her launch a career in public service – first in government and later in not-for-profit settings. She also found mentors who provided invaluable professional guidance while helping her navigate the joys and challenges of being a working mother. To all appearances, she seems to have achieved her twin objectives of working with purpose and parenting with care.

Being thrust into the limelight as a political wife brought a whole new set of challenges. She took her responsibility as the first African American First Lady seriously – a debt to all the pioneering women who preceded her. She focused several initiatives on children to stem the tide of childhood obesity and to provide supports to help them succeed in life. As she says, kids will invest more of themselves when they feel that they are invested in… when they are told (and shown) that they matter.

I imagine that she was often frustrated by the slow rate of change, especially given her compassion for those in dire need. But she seemed to find peace in having her feet planted in reality but pointed in the direction of progress. As she said, “You may live in the world as it is, but you can still work to create the world as it should be.”

Loved the book. Bowled over by the woman who wrote it. Wonderful to experience America through a different set of eyes. Thoughtful and thought-provoking. Highly recommend it.

The Three Instincts of the Enneagram

In the final weeks of 2018, I wrote a series of 10 posts on the enneagram – a brief introduction to this personality typing system plus high-level descriptions of each of the nine types. Since then, I attended a workshop on the 3 instincts: Self-Preservation, One-to-One, and Social. Here are a few tidbits that I picked up from that experience.

If we look at ourselves as animals, we can view the three instincts through the lens of behaviors necessary to further our survival. We must attend to our material needs (food, water, shelter, clothing) and provide for our safety and security (Self-Preservation). We need to find a person with whom we will mate or be “besties” (One-to-One, a.k.a. Sexual). And we need to figure out how to get along with others in community (Social). Most of us lean heavily on one of these instincts to alleviate our anxiety and relax. We typically have a back-up instinct when the primary one is not engaged. And we tend to be less attuned to whichever instinct remains.

Here’s how our teacher characterized the instincts:

	Self-Preservation	One-To-One	Social
Attention Goes To:	Physical environment	Individual people	Group identity and welfare
Concerned About:	Material security and resources	Bring seen and loved as an individual person	One’s place in the group; the pecking order
Energy Goes To:	Being prepared; avoiding shortfalls	Attracting affection, intimacy, partnership	Membership in groups; collaboration
Values:	Having enough Putting things in order Setting priorities	Connection Meaningful exchanges Intensity	Belonging Participation Loyalty

Here’s how panelists who self-identified with these instincts described their perfect days (excluding work days):

Self-Preservation	One-to-One	Social
Awaken, wash, brush teeth Meditate Morning routine Organize for the day Putter around the house and garden Exercise; go for a walk Relax in the evening, curled up with a good book	Walk with a friend Run errands with a partner Have lunch with a friend Spend one-on-one time with children Go on Facebook to connect with friends Spend time with pets, listening to music, working on hobbies	Go to an exercise class Volunteer at a nonprofit Go to lunch with friends Attend a lecture Share a meal with family Go to a community gathering (e.g., choir, service group, book club)

While this may seem quite academic, the “light bulb” goes on for me when I think about how it plays out in relationship. In particular, I have a strong “social” instinct with a back-up of “self-preservation.” I’m not natively a good fit with someone who has a strong “one-to-one” instinct as that level of intensity feels intrusive to me (and its absence feels cold and empty for them!) Likewise, a “self-preservation” oriented person with a “one-to-one” secondary instinct is not going to take comfort with a partner who is relentlessly social.

Of course, we can all find ways to accommodate the needs and predilections of our compatriots and loved ones. The enneagram provides a framework through which we can unearth these aspects of our personalities and have conversations about how we’ll engage them.

Which instincts resonate for you?

True Community

I dusted off another of M. Scott Peck’s books this week to continue pursuing the theme of spiritual wellness. It’s called The Different Drum: Community Making and Peace.

Peck defines spiritual healing as the process of becoming “whole” or “holy.” In part, it is a call to individuate – to take responsibility for our lives and actions, to deal with others in integrity, and to make full use of our gifts and talents. Yet we are social creatures who need one another to survive. So “wholeness” also carries an expectation of living harmoniously in community and serving the common good. In fact, Peck argues that we cannot fully become ourselves without sharing the commonality of the human experience with others – e.g., our strengths, weaknesses, triumphs, failures, our self-sufficiency, incompleteness, etc.

A spiritually enriching community isn’t just any old collective of people. According to Peck, it has very specific characteristics.

True community is, and must be, inclusive. It is always reaching out to extend itself and accepts individual and cultural diversity. To that end, the members must be willing to empty themselves of bias, prejudice, and expectations to make room for the other. They must be willing to co-exist in peace, surrendering themselves to the shared journey.

True community is realistic. It encourages many different viewpoints; it does not force conformity or smooth over its rough edges. It doesn’t expect easy answers to challenging questions or circumstances.

True community is contemplative. It is attentive to its health and growth. It acknowledges its fallibility and takes action to affect remediation. It is also keenly aware of the world outside, the world within, and the relationship between the two.

True community creates safety. It creates the space for members to explore their vulnerabilities and brokenness. It provides the breathing room for genuine healing to occur. It is accepting of one another’s limitations. And it supports members as they experiment with new kinds of behavior.

In true community, there are no sides. Alliances interfere with the group’s functioning. When conflict arises, a core of mutual respect and concern governs resolution. (I call it “disagreeing without becoming disagreeable.”) The members are committed to struggling together, not against each other.

True community decentralizes authority. Ideally, decisions are reached by consensus. Leadership flows freely among different individuals as the need arises. In fact, the so-called “natural leaders” refuse to take charge and tell people what to do. They want to avoid creating unhealthy dependencies.

Community-building takes time, intentional effort, and commitment. It takes time to empty ourselves of all the prejudices that impede our ability to be attentive and compassionate listeners. It takes conscious effort to communicate effectively while resisting the temptation to “fix” everyone. Rather, we’re called to be present to their experience while fostering individual and collective learning. It also takes effort to establish mutually agreeable “rules” and governance. Finally, it takes a commitment to hang in there through thick and thin, even when things get chaotic.

Peck warns against the formation of “pseudocommunity.” It’s a place characterized by forced politeness and a pressure to conform. In such communities, niceness crushes individuality, intimacy, and honesty. It fosters a quick retreat to organization as a vehicle for minimizing chaos and uncertainty. It is akin to building a house on a foundation made of sand. It won’t withstand stress and strain.

Community is always something more than the sum of the parts. It is never painless. It does not avoid conflict but rather reconciles it. In so doing, community lowers walls and creates pathways for growth and understanding. It exists for the purpose of inculcating love and harmony among us.

We are ultimately interdependent. Why not find ways to live together in peace?

The Power of NOW

Once dubbed by the New York Times as “the most popular spiritual author in the United States,” Eckhart Tolle helps people awaken to lives of purpose and presence through books, television appearances, membership in his on-line community, and face-to-face gatherings. One of my good friends counts herself among an international cohort that has embarked on a six-month training program jointly delivered by Tolle and Kim Eng, creator of Presence Through Movement. Given her enthusiasm, I went to the library and checked out a copy of The Power of NOW: A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment to see how it might speak to me.

It’s safe to say that Tolle’s book is not designed to be a quick read. In fact, he inserts “pauses” in each chapter to encourage readers to stop and digest the content. While I couldn’t begin to capture the richness of the material, I’ll share a few concepts that I found especially meaningful.

Tolle defines true wealth as “the radiant joy of Being and the deep, unshakeable peace that comes with it.” Enlightenment is a state of felt oneness with Being.

Our minds prevent us from attaining enlightenment when we’re inundated by our internal chatter – i.e., commenting, speculating, worrying, judging, comparing, complaining, pondering. We may be stuck reliving and acting from old pain that still live within us (a.k.a., “pain bodies”). We may be steeped in anxiety about future events. We may escape reality by daydreaming.

When we are caught up in our internal chatter, we give our power over to our thoughts. They’re driving us. We aren’t free.

As an antidote, become identified as an Observer of thoughts, not a Thinker of them. In that state, we notice when moodiness, anger, resentment, unease, fear, and other emotions well up, but we aren’t driven to act on them. We make conscious choices that benefit ourselves and those around us. We aren’t feeding our “pain bodies” or calling others’ “pain bodies” into action. We make room for love, joy, and peace. So long as we are invested in emotional anguish, we will resist or sabotage attempts to help it.

Focus on the present moment. On the NOW. Let the mind be what it is without getting entangled in it. As Tolle says, “In the now, you leave behind the deadening world of mental distraction… You feel a presence, a stillness, a peace.” The NOW is all any of us really have.

Being present means that wherever you are, be there totally. Complaint suggests non-acceptance of what is. It may well be that we find ourselves in persistently difficult relationships and/or circumstances. We are not called to simply surrender to them. We have three choices in the NOW: accept what is without complaint, take action to effect change, or leave. Persistent grumbling should not be an option!

There’s nothing wrong with thinking about the future and setting goals to move toward a desired outcome. Focus on the immediate steps to be taken, not the hundreds or thousands of steps in the journey ahead. Don’t get attached to outcomes. Ask: Is there joy, ease, and lightness in what I am doing right now? Be open to course correction if it seems right to do so. Don’t fall into the trap of attaching self-worth to outcomes.

Finally, nothing “out there” will ever provide deep, lasting satisfaction. There is no salvation in anything that we do, attain, or possess. Rather:

“True salvation is fulfillment, peace, life in all its fullness. It is to be who you are, to feel within you the good that has no opposite, the joy of Being that depends on nothing outside itself. It is felt not as a passing experience but as an abiding presence.”

Life, Truth, Love, and Grace

I’ve written a lot of posts covering our physical, mental, and emotional well-being since starting this blog nearly 2 years ago. I suppose it’s time that I cover some thought leaders in the spiritual realm.

I read M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth years ago and decided to reacquaint myself with his words of wisdom. The following captures some of his ideas, recognizing full well that I can’t do his work justice in this post.

Peck begins with a sobering reality: Life is difficult. We all face a steady stream of problems to be solved. We may be tempted to avoid these challenges because it’s painful to confront them head-on. Yet meeting and solving problems gives life meaning. It creates opportunities for physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and social growth. Besides, it’s better to solve smaller problems before they snowball into bigger ones!

We must accept responsibility for problems before we can solve them. That acceptance presupposes accurate perceptions of the world and our places in it. Peck says that our views of reality are like maps for which we are the map-makers. We use them to navigate the terrain of life. The most useful maps are those forged with considered effort, dedication to the truth, and a willingness to make revisions as we gather new information and accept constructive feedback from others.

We must be dedicated to the truth. Peck admonishes us to never speak falsehood. Of course, occasions may arise where we might choose to withhold information rather than cause needless harm to others. Thoughtful disclosure presumes an accurate assessment of another person’s capacity to make use of information for his or her spiritual growth. We can only make such assessments from a place of genuine love, and then only imperfectly. Should we opt to maintain silence, our decision should never be rooted in personal gain – e.g., a quest for power, a concern for popularity, or a need to protect our views of reality.

Love provides a compass for right action and serves as a powerful engine for spiritual growth. Peck defines genuine love as the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. This definition packs a lot of punch:

It presumes a level of individuation and emotional maturity sufficient to manifest selfless action and attention. Love based on neediness (e.g., loneliness, insecurity) has little to do with spiritual development and rests upon a shaky foundation.
Genuine love maintains the distinction between myself and the other.
Love is an act of will. It is not dependency; it’s an exercise of free choice. Two people can be said to experience genuine love when they are fully capable of living apart but choose to be together.
Love takes attention. For example, listening well takes focused concentration and a sincere effort to experience the world from the speaker’s point of view. It also takes regular investment of time and effort.
Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom. Growth is fostered through a relationship of constancy.
Love is not a feeling; it is an action. It demands that we order our behavior to contribute optimally to our beloved’s spiritual growth.

Real love is a permanently enlarging experience. In order to truly understand others, we must make room for them within ourselves. As they take up residence, we also experience growth by stretching and thinning our ego boundaries. Genuine love is self-replenishing.

With an awareness of the limits of our time, we want to live and love well. Loving always carries the risk of heartbreak. But if we shy away from love, we shy away from life. While there are no guarantees, the most successful strategy for finding genuine love is being a person worthy of love.

Peck allows for the presence of grace which delivers life-producing or growth-enhancing experiences in our lives. He believes grace is accessible to everyone; however, most of us fail to acknowledge its presence or appreciate the value it brings. We cannot will grace into our lives, but we can prepare ourselves to be fertile ground.

He closes with these thought-provoking words:

“The journey of spiritual growth requires courage and initiative and independence of thought and action. While the words of the prophets and the assistance of grace are available, the journey must still be traveled alone. No teacher can carry you there.”

Healthy Lifestyle

Ideas to Nourish the Body, Mind, and Spirit