Author Archives: Maren

Empath Survival Guide

My last post marked the second anniversary of COVID-19 quarantine with a discussion about adversity and resilience. I shared strategies for getting through a tough time, among them having support from family, friends, colleagues, and/or folks who share your experience.

I’ve been blessed to have such a collective to weather challenges that have cropped up throughout my life. I’ve offered my shoulder to cry on plenty of times as well. Yet engaging deeply with others’ difficulties has often proven problematic. I wind up losing sleep, living with pain and sorrow for days, or feeling anxiety over what their future holds. When sharing a recent episode with a friend, she introduced me to Dr. Judith Orloff’s Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People.

The human brain comes equipped with mirror neurons that fire when an individual performs an action and when the individual observes the same action performed by another. They play a critical role in learning and serve as an underpinning for empathy. An empath can be said to have a hyperreactive neurological system that readily absorbs the positive and negative energies, emotions, and/or physical symptoms that others transmit. They’re sensitive to body language, tone of voice, and other cues. They may lack filters to shield themselves from sensory input. When overstimulated, they may experience emotional burnout.

If you happen to be a deeply feeling person and don’t want to hide in a cave to protect yourself from emotional overload, Dr. Orloff offers several pieces of practical advice:

Make it a habit of taking excellent care of yourself – eat well, exercise, breathe the fresh air, relax, meditate, sleep. Keep your “batteries” charged to full capacity.
Learn to inhabit an imaginary shield to protect you from negativity. Perhaps visualize a white or pink light surrounding you from head to toe.
Get grounded in nature – literally. Feel the earth beneath your feet. Imagine that you are a tree with roots that provide a firm anchor. If you cannot connect with Mother Nature in the moment, visualize the experience.
Create a tranquil inner space that you can visit on a moment’s notice.
If at peak physical or emotional capacity, pull back and unplug for a time. You cannot be present for others if you’re tapped out.

If you face a particularly toxic energy that cannot be avoided, Dr. Orloff serves up another collective of useful strategies:

Ask yourself: Do these emotions belong to me or someone else? If the latter, return to sender.
Step away from the source of negative energy – at least 20 feet – and limit further contact.
Set boundaries without discussion or apology.
Visualize cutting a cord between you and the source of your discontent.
Plan alone time to regroup and rejuvenate. Consider taking a hot bath in Epson salt. It’s heaven!
Spend time in nature – the real thing!
Take a technology break. Life can do what life does while you’re off-line.
Practice loving kindness meditation – for yourself and others.
Get plenty of sleep; take power naps.
Be fully present in your body. Notice what you’re feeling without judgment or recrimination. Remind yourself that it will pass.
Breathe!

Adversity and Resilience

“That which does not kill us, makes us stronger.” – Friedrich Nietzsche

This week marks the second anniversary of our COVID-19 quarantine. We’d heard rumblings of a global pandemic the prior month, but the news hit home when a nearby community choir sustained an 87% infection rate from the presence of a lone COVID-positive singer. That could easily have been one of my choral groups!

Since then, we’ve learned a lot more about the virus and had the benefit of a double-dose of vaccine and a booster shot. But we remain well aware of its impact on senior citizens and those with underlying health conditions. We’ve hosted a few socially distanced gatherings and ventured forth from our home judiciously to run errands, enjoy fellowship, and take in a noteworthy cultural event. Yet our lives have been altered radically from their pre-pandemic rhythms. We may never reclaim the “old normal.”

I take heart from a lecture I viewed recently by psychologist Catherine A. Sanderson of Amherst College. She began by noting that people have tremendous ability to adapt to negative events. Once the initial shock of it wears off, we can pull together our resources and find a new way of being in the world. We can challenge ourselves to find positive aspects of the event or condition – new inner strengths to tap, renewed depth to relationships, new perspectives on life, heightened spirituality, increased capacity for empathy, altruism. We may even find ways to enjoy simple pleasures.

Adaptation takes time. The greater the challenge, the more difficult the recovery. It doesn’t happen by accident. It is a discipline that must be cultivated through practice. Admittedly, those who excel in self-esteem, emotional intelligence, and optimism have an easier time of it. It also helps to have a strong base of support through family, friends, colleagues, and faith community. Yet no matter what our circumstances, Dr. Sanderson encourages us to think about loss within the context of a positive frame. Here are 5 strategies that help:

Take care of yourself. Eat healthy food, get some exercise (preferably in the fresh air), and make a habit of getting a good night’s sleep. These practices support our physical, mental, and emotional well-being.
Find meaning in the experience. Making sense of a loss or sustained drama helps us cope with it. It supports recovery.
Build and maintain connection. You are not alone. Others have gone through a similar ordeal, experience it now, or will encounter it in the future. Take solace in the shared experience and encourage one another to soldier on.
Write about it. When we commit our experience and feelings about it to paper, it forces us to confront our circumstances, gain perspective, and exercise a modicum of control. It’s a venue for moving forward rather than get stuck in an endless cycle of rumination.
Practice positive thinking. Zero in on the good things that happen daily and commit them to memory. Capture them in a gratitude journal.

When adversity strikes us in measured doses, it can bolster our resiliency. We gain the sense that we can cope with challenges. It increases confidence that we can manage future stressors. And we learn that we can pull together with others to find a way through difficult times.

Finally, as a bookend to the opening quote, all of the foregoing presumes that one is not dealing with catastrophic loss or multiple crippling circumstances concurrently. We need not burden those of us who are profoundly broken with the admonition to find silver linings unless and until some form of restorative healing can take place.

Dealing with Bumps in the Road

I’ve been really blessed in this life. I was born into a loving family that cultivated the core values, beliefs, and work ethos that have held me in good stead. I got a great education. I married a wonderful man. I’ve worked with good people and remained friends with many of them long after our professional association ended. And I’ve been surrounded with lovely people outside of work. In short, I have much for which to be thankful.

I’ve also experienced my fair share of hurt, disappointment, reversals of fortune, bad news, and bad luck. Personal and professional opportunities didn’t materialize as expected. Relationships hit rough patches and/or ended. Finances took a nosedive. Health suffered or declined. Circumstances beyond my control gave rise to major changes in my lifestyle (e.g., COVID). I’ve made knuckleheaded mistakes and caused needless suffering. I could go on and on.

When I keep my wits about me, I use a simple mental device to get myself over these bumps in the road. I picked it up in a seminar years ago. It goes like this: That’s what. So what. Now what.

That’s What

Naming the bump in the road is the first step in figuring out how to deal with it. In some cases, it’s painfully clear. The stock market crashed. The job or promotion didn’t come through. The doctor just provided notification of an unpleasant diagnosis. In such cases, the facts are readily apparent. Other circumstances may be less clear cut. A relationship may show signs of wear, but it isn’t yet apparent that something significant has shifted. A gut instinct may suggest there’s something not right physically, but the condition hasn’t been checked out or confirmed. A major reorganization at work just went into effect, but its impact has yet to be realized.

That’s What calls upon us to use all of our senses and sensibilities to come to terms with what is happening to us in the moment. It asks us to confront the fact that we’ve either already plowed headlong into a “bump” or can see it clearly on the horizon. In this period of reckoning, we may experience a wide array of emotions and bounce around the various stages of grief of which Elisabeth Kübler-Ross has written so eloquently – i.e., denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. It can take time to process and, perhaps, the compassionate support of those who can bear the weight of our distress. At the end of the day, we need to tell ourselves the truth about our circumstances to the best of our ability.

So What

Having acknowledged a change in our circumstances, we can now begin to contemplate what it actually means. It’s a time to exercise curiosity and explore ways of responding. We may not have all of the facts in hand and opt to do a bit of research to fill in gaps in knowledge or information. We may need to engage in dialog with others to lend clarity to our understanding, assumptions, and sensibilities. We may need to pause and simply give ourselves time to process what has occurred.

As we consider options, we may ask: How will each potential course of action impact my lifestyle? My livelihood? My relationships? My sense of self? Do I really need to do anything at this time? Can I go around the bump instead of over it? Or does this situation argue for reversing course and traveling on a different road?

When I am able to gain some emotional distance from a difficult situation, I take comfort in being inquisitive and exploring options. It gets me out of “victim mode.” My options may still be grim, and I may still feel saddened by them. But I can choose my course of action and the attitude I’ll take in its pursuit.

Now What

Having considered available options, we can move forward and take the experience as it comes. Hopefully, we’ll let the past be the past and catch ourselves when tempted to ruminate about it. We cannot change it. We can only be present in the moment and put one foot in front of the other.

Clearly, this approach would likely fall short when dealing with profound grief, tragedy, or trauma. But for the everyday “cuts and bruises,” it can be quite effective.

A Deeper Dive on Osteoblasts and Osteoclasts

Earlier posts provided a brief introduction to Our Beautiful Bones as well as tips on How to Promote Healthy Bones. In short, a balanced system of remodeling maintains bone health. When osteoblast (bone building) and osteoclast (bone deconstruction) activity get out of synch, bones become more fragile and elevate the risk for fracture.

Dr. R. Keith McCormick, author of The Whole Body Approach to Osteoporosis, wrote a fascinating article that ties bone health to immune function.¹ This high-level summary seeks to capture the main concepts for laypersons (as I understand them!) We’ll start by looking at the genesis of osteoclasts and osteoblasts.

Osteoclasts trace their origin to hematopoietic (blood-oriented) stem cells located in the bone marrow. These stem cells can differentiate into:

Red blood cells, which carry fresh oxygen all over the body
T Cells, which help the body mount an adaptive immune response
Dendritic cells, which are responsible for initiating the adaptive immune response
Macrophages, which engulf and digest cancer cells, pathogens, cellular debris, and other foreign/unhealthy substances
Osteoclasts, which secret acid phosphatase to dissolve bone crystal (hydroxyapatite)

The presence of macrophage colony-stimulating factor (M-CSF) causes the hematopoietic stem cell to differentiate into myeloid progenitors. M-CSF may be released by osteoblasts (bone builders) in response to stimulation by the parathyroid; it may also be released when the body senses a need to combat inflammation. Osteoclasts come into being when RANKL attaches to the receptor activator of nuclear factor KB (RANK) on the myeloid progenitor.

Note that RANKL does not confine its activities to bone remodeling; it also plays a role in immune function. It can be expressed by Helper T Cells to activate B cells to secrete antibodies and macrophages, or activate cytotoxic T cells. It may also alert the immune system to lymph-born antigens.

Osteoblasts trace their origin to mesenchymal stem cells. These stem cells can differentiate into:

Adipocytes, which specialize in storing energy as fat
Cartilage cells, which form connective tissue found in the larynx and respiratory tract, the external ear, and in the articulating surfaces of joints
Osteoblasts, which leverage cytokines (cell signaling proteins) to instigate bone remodeling and subsequently deposit collagen and alkaline phosphatase into bone excavation sites for mineralization

In healthy individuals, osteoblasts actuate just the right amount of messenger proteins (e.g., RANK-L) to dissolve bone in a manner consistent with the osteoblasts’ capacity for bone building. Osteoblasts also produce osteoprotegerin (OPG), a soluble decoy receptor that absorbs excess RANK-L and keeps it from activating too many osteoclasts.

The RANK/RANKL/OPG system of bone homeostasis receives substantive bone remodeling support from estrogen. Estrogen improves Vitamin D absorption in the gut (for improved availability of bone-building minerals) and stimulates the release of calcitonin (to make osteoclasts less active). Moreover, estrogen-receptor activation of osteoblasts stimulates release of the growth factors TGF-β and IGF-1, and OPG. This action limits M-CSF and RANKL (which reduces osteoclast formation) and increases osteoclast cellular death.

Individuals with reduced estrogen levels (notably post-menopausal women) and/or persistent activation of the immune system may lack the natural ability to limit RANKL engagement in osteoclast production. As noted previously, both the immune and bone remodeling systems use the same intercellular communications tools. Unfortunately, osteoclast precursors do not consider the source of the signals when acting upon them. When immune system activation boosts production of RANKL and cytokines, the healthy balance of osteoclast-osteoblast function tips in favor of bone breakdown and compromises bone strength, density, and microarchitecture. Therefore, reducing antigenic load, inflammation, and oxidative stress may prove as critical for sustaining bone health as estrogen.

Many of us are unaware of the ways in which we activate our immune systems. We may feel that our bones are not at risk because we don’t have inflamed tissues, viral infections, or other obvious signs of physical distress. And yet our lifestyles may induce immune responses that fly “under the radar.” For example:

Oxidative stress is stimulated by processed food, preservatives, food coloring, air pollution, toxins, and smoke inhalation.
A weak intestinal endothelial lining (a.k.a. “leaky gut”) may permit bacteria and dietary antigens to escape into the blood stream. Common factors that increase intestinal permeability include: alcohol, food allergies, gluten, NSAIDs (e.g., Advil, Motrin, ibuprofen), psychological stress, surgery/trauma, and unsaturated fats.
A high sugar diet may encourage bacterial and/or fungal overgrowth in the gastrointestinal track and oral cavity, such as the characteristic white-coated tongue associated with Candida albicans.
Chronic inflammation caused by long-term infection (e.g., periodontal disease), food allergies, autoimmune disorders, and the like evoke immune response.
Chronic stress amps up inflammation and weakens immune function.

Dietary and specific nutrient interventions can reduce inﬂammation and limit the potential impact of excess osteoclastic activity. Ask your doctor for recommendations, or read Dr. McCormick’s article.

¹R. Keith McCormick, DC, CCSP, Osteoporosis: Integrating Biomarkers and Other Diagnostic Correlates into the Management of Bone Fragility, Alternative Medicine Review, Volume 12, Number 2, 2007

The Science of Change

“The secret to a better life is not to eradicate the impulses that make us human, but to understand them, outsmart them, and whenever possible, to make them work for us rather than against us.” – Angela Duckworth

In prior posts, I’ve discussed the psychology of change, the ADKAR model for change management, and strategies that reinforce good habits. I now add Dr. Katy Milkman’s contribution to the subject through her book, How To Change: The Science of Getting From Where You Are to Where You Want to Be. Here are evidence-based strategies to help us effect change and sustain it.

Start fresh. A new beginning provides the impetus to disrupt established behaviors and adopt new ones. It can be a date on a calendar (e.g., first of the month, birthday, anniversary), a meaningful life event (e.g., cross-country move, promotion), or an unsettling wake-up call (e.g., health scare). The bigger the landmark, the more likely it supports a break from the past. “Blank slates” are powerful!

Find ways to make change fun. The prospective gratification in achieving long-term goals can be thwarted by the unsatisfying nature of short-term behaviors to get there. Though we’d like to rely upon a self-discipline that keeps our eyes on the prize, we all have a present bias and a tendency toward impulsivity. Rather than put a consistent strain on willpower (and thereby have less of it for other tasks), we need to find ways to make it enjoyable to do the right thing. Temptation bundling pairs the challenging activity with one you crave doing – e.g., reading a page-turner while on the treadmill (and only when on the treadmill), or watching Netflix while chopping fresh vegetables to prepare a healthy meal. Gamification – i.e., adding fun to a monotonous task – also brings joy to the moment. As a recent Peloton bike convert, I can attest to the fact that this company has broken the code on how to make spin classes fun!

Make a binding commitment. We’re far less likely to get off track when we give ourselves “handcuffs.” Consumers build savings when they voluntarily sign on for accounts that assess penalties for early withdrawals. (A ceramic piggy bank that lacks easy access to deposited coins also works!) A publicly stated pledge displayed prominently may do the trick as most of us are loathe to let ourselves and others down. If this strategy seems daunting, start with a bite-sized commitment and work up to larger ones.

Create reminder systems. As a species, we are astonishingly forgetful. We forget half of what we learned in 20 minutes, 70% in 24 hours, and 80% in a month. As such, we need to establish cues that trigger positive behaviors in service of our long-term goals. For example, I keep a running tally of health-promoting activities on my desktop, and I’m motivated to check all the boxes every day. I also use “yellow stickies” on the bathroom mirror for irregular commitments. The very act of creating a reminder system and cuing behavior counters our tendency to flake out. It can also help us break big goals into smaller chunks.

Make a habit out of doing the right things. When we set our default behaviors wisely, we’ll opt into good behaviors without thinking about it. For example, my morning routine includes exercise. I get out of bed, attend to my ablutions, and then exercise for 30-60 minutes before breakfast. I don’t give myself the option of deciding whether or not I feel like doing it. When we face repeat decisions, we deplete willpower and open the door to a natural inclination toward laziness. When forming a new habit, try piggybacking it onto an established habit. Be careful not to make it too rigid or onerous. It either won’t stick, or it’ll become dislodged when life throws you curve balls.

Take care to bolster your self-confidence. We often fail to meet our goals (or even set them in the first place) because we don’t believe we have the capacity to change. Beliefs touch our emotions, direct our attention, influence our motivation, and affect our physiology. To counter a tendency toward resignation, we can build affirmation into the process and allow for leniency and “do overs” when we falter. We can also build ourselves up by learning to be our own advice-givers rather than subjecting ourselves to unsolicited commentary, however well intentioned.

Choose the company you keep wisely. Social influence carries tremendous power. Established norms create peer pressure that can work in our favor… or not. Surround yourself with folks who share common interests and whose circumstances align with yours. (Dr. Milkman notes: “For social influence to work, there can’t be too stark a difference between overachievers and those in need of a boost” lest it prove demoralizing for the latter.) Encourage one another. Share life hacks. Leverage social accountability.

Stay the course for the long haul. Transformative change requires constant vigilance. Obstacles – temptation, forgetfulness, self-doubt, sloth – stand ready to reassert control. Acknowledge their presence and use the tools described above to undermine their influence.

Priming for Peak Performance

From Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success, last week’s post focused on how a combination of challenge and rest provides the impetus for growth. Authors Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness also discuss the importance of preparation for priming the field for success. Here are strategies they recommend.

Optimize Your Routine. Great performers set themselves up to operate at the top of their game every time they take the field. They identify the specific conditions that evoke their personal best and then integrate these elements into their daily routine. They don’t wait for the zone to magically appear. They know what they need to bring it on predictably, day in and day out.

Warm Up Your Mind. Elite track and field athletes don’t step into the starting blocks cold. They warm up off the field to ensure that they are ready to go when the starting gun sounds. In like fashion, great thinkers create a positive mood by thinking good thoughts about their projects and coworkers. When bolstered by a harmonious environment, this frame of mind improves problem solving and creativity.

Fashion Your Environment. Famed author Stephen King has said, “most of us do our best work in a place of our own.” Our brains engage with the objects with which we surround ourselves; they bring forth specific behaviors. If we want to elevate our creativity or productivity, we’ll want to manage the stuff in our space, adding things that help us, and getting rid of things that don’t.

Establish Your Routine and Stick To It. Don’t make it difficult for the muse to find you. When you set a consistent schedule, she’ll show up! An established routine doesn’t just prime us for work. It also alters our biology in a manner that increases strength, energy, confidence, creativity, attention, and memory. In short, routines both condition us to perform AND enhance our performance.

Minimize Distractions. Great performers choose where to focus their time, energy, and attention. They eliminate activities that are either extraneous to their work or injurious to their health and harmony. While they remain open to new ideas and relationships, they are vigilant in their use of precious personal resources.

Eliminate Trivial Decisions. We all have a limited amount of mental energy. When inundated with a gaggle of small decisions, we lose our train of thought, wear out our mental muscle, and become vulnerable to procrastination. Consider making a routine out of every decision that isn’t core to your central mission – e.g., what to wear, what to eat.

Be Sensitive to Your Chronotype. Some of us are early birds; others are night owls. Take note of when you experience your peak energy, creativity, and productivity, and set your schedule accordingly. There’s no sense fighting your body’s internal clock.

Choose Your Friends Wisely. Motivation spreads among close knit groups; feelings are contagious. Through mirror neurons, we’re hard-wired for empathy. The emotional landscape in which we dwell prompts actions and behaviors. As such, the people with whom we interact regularly will have a profound impact on our performance and mood.

Show Up. As the authors tell us, “The best performers aren’t consistently great, but they are great at being consistent.”

Peak Performance

Even as a semi-retired person, I’m always on the lookout for ways in which I can stimulate my body and mind to ever greater levels of excellence. Enter Brad Stulberg and Steve Magness’ book Peak Performance: Elevate Your Game, Avoid Burnout, and Thrive with the New Science of Success.

Exercise science provides a model for GROWTH by alternating STRESS (challenging stimuli) with REST. Stress demands rest, and rest supports stress. Renowned psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi noted a similar dynamic in creative thinking. A period of intense, total engagement (immersion) followed by rest and recovery (incubation) leads to insight.

So, what constitutes “good stress”?

We stimulate growth by giving ourselves manageable challenges and focusing on their mastery with total concentration. New skills arise in the context of struggle, but not too much (to the point of breakage) or too long (to the point of exhaustion). Furthermore, we must give their development our full attention. Our brains are not wired for multitasking. With each distraction from the primary task, our ability to filter out irrelevant information, identify patterns, and feed long-term memory declines. Consider “deep work” a practice to be cultivated over time.

We support our quest for continuous challenge with a growth mindset. With this frame of reference, we can’t wait to get out of the starting blocks. (“Let me at ’em!”) We welcome trials and tribulations as part of the process of gaining competency. We know that setbacks provide opportunities for learning and revising strategies. They do not shatter confidence in reaching toward the finish line.

Why does rest matter?

Athletes understand the need for rest. When their bodies have reached the break point, they back off to allow time for recovery. Rest prevents injury and supports muscle building. But since thinking does not create muscle strain, why take brain breaks?

While we certainly improve cognition through “exercise,” a skillful practice of meditation strengthens the mindfulness muscle – i.e., our capacity to be fully present in the moment. This “muscle” provides the means to view our thoughts and feelings from the perspective of a neutral observer and exercise choice in how we respond to stimulus. It helps us avoid getting hijacked by our reactive amygdala. Not surprisingly, a consistent practice of meditation gives rise to an increase in the size of the prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain that exercises attention, inhibits impulse behavior, and exercises control.

Good ideas often crop up when we’ve made space between periods of intense thought. In these intervals, the brain switches from its task-positive network (linear, logical, if-then) to its default mode (random, subconscious, integrative). In this mode, the brain can retrieve previously inaccessible bits of information and make connections between disparate data pulled from all parts of the brain. Though seemingly coming out of thin air, these insights spring forth from a brain that was always active in the background.

So, what does this mean?

Top tier athletes, thinkers, and other performers understand the need for challenge and rest. Every 60-90 minutes of deep work should be paired with 7-20 minutes of rest. The latter need not be a period of sloth. It can be filled with activities that require little to no effortful labor or thinking. For example:

Take a short walk, preferably out in the fresh air (although indoor walking works in inclement weather). It’s heart and brain healthy!
Look at pictures of nature. It stimulates the brain and lowers inflammation.
Take a break with a friend or colleague with whom you can enjoy a light and pleasant social interaction. The resulting release of oxytocin will make you both feel better.
Meditate in a relaxed setting.
Take a 10 minute nap – just long enough to improve performance, alertness, concentration, and judgment, but not so long as to engender grogginess or disrupt nighttime sleep patterns.

In addition to periods of workday rest, stellar performance calls for extended breaks – e.g., observing a weekly day of rest, and taking regular 7-10 vacations without bringing work with you!

A Way of Life for Laypersons

In my last post, I shared some reflections from His Holiness The Dalai Lama’s book describing the way of the Bodhisattva, or person on the path toward Buddhahood. Of course, one needn’t choose a monastic life in order to evolve spiritually. The Dalai Lama provides a roadmap for laypersons in How To Practice: The Way to a Meaningful Life.

The Dalia Lama starts at the place of our shared humanity. We all want to be happy and to avoid suffering. In our interdependent world, we serve ourselves and others by cultivating love, kindness, and compassion, and inoculating ourselves against anger and self-centeredness. We realize this state of being through a daily practice that weakens negative thoughts and strengthens positive ones. The resulting inner peace makes room for an external peace that manifests in harmonious relations among people and nations.

Three Ways to Practice: Morality, Meditation, Wisdom

At its most basic level, morality calls upon us to refrain from physical and verbal actions that harm others – e.g., killing, stealing, sexual misconduct, lying, divisive talk, harsh speech, senseless chatter, covetousness, harmful intentions, wrong views. Be at peace with others; resolve conflicts and misunderstandings. Do not give in to lust, hared, enmity, jealousy, or belligerence. Replace self-centeredness with other-centeredness. Minimize material needs such that more becomes available to give to those in need. Detach from transient pleasures. The Dalai Lama tells us: “Through purification of the afflictive obstructions as well as the predispositions established by them, you can transform your consciousness.”

A regular practice of concentrated meditation helps to focus the mind so that wisdom can take root. Agitation, distraction, and lethargy are obstacles to meditation. The serious practitioner prepares for practice by eating healthfully (preferably whole foods), getting adequate rest, setting aside uninterrupted time in a quiet place for meditation, and adopting a posture that sustains ease and dignity. The practice directs attention to an object (e.g., the breath) with a consciousness that is focused and alert. Through daily practice, one learns to settle the mind and create the space for deep insight and learning.

Wisdom teaching in the Buddhist tradition begins with the acknowledgement that all beings suffer. We suffer physical pain and mental anguish. We suffer in response to unwanted change. And we suffer when the reality of our experience does not match our expectations. The antidote to suffering lies in recognizing that all phenomena lack innate substance; they depend on other conditions for their existence. Life proceeds as a function of cause and effect (karma). Because things do not exist inherently, they cannot be sources of pleasure or pain. Even our own minds change from moment to moment. When we recognize that all is emptiness and selflessness, we take the first step toward freeing ourselves from suffering.

Our busy lives rarely make room for deep reflection and consistent practice to transform our hearts and minds to their highest good. We just put one foot in front of the other and go about our business. But The Dalai Lama reminds us that the good intentions to which we cling in our faith practices do little good if they are not consciously implemented daily. While we may find little to commend them when life is smooth sailing, he tells us:

“When we face unavoidable problems such as sickness, old age, death, or desperate situations, it becomes critical to control your anger, to control your emotional feelings, and use your good human mind to determine how to face that problem with patience and calm.”

Reflections on the Bodhisattva

His Holiness The 14^th Dalai Lama (a.k.a. Gyalwa Rinpoche) serves as the highest spiritual leader of Tibet and a living Bodhisattva, or one on the path to Buddhahood (an awakened one). For those of us who are curious about this spiritual path, The Dalai Lama provides a roadmap in A Flash of Lightening in the Dark of Night: A Guide to the Bodhisattva’s Way of Life.

He opens the book with a brief discussion of core Buddhist principles, including the Four Noble Truths (discussed in last week’s post). He also tells us that the Bodhisattva takes refuge in three elements: the exemplary life of the Buddha, the Buddha’s teaching (Dharma), and the community of followers (Sangha). They inform and model his or her thoughts and behaviors and provide encouragement on the path. Interestingly enough, the Dalai Lama cautions against taking the Buddha’s teachings at face value out of reverence. Rather, one should examine each precept thoroughly and respect them only when finding a reason to do so.

As I read through the book, I made note of several elemental character traits that the Bodhisattva embodies (and that we would do well to emulate):

Carefulness: We must beware of the tendency toward self-centeredness. We are interdependent beings who coexist in a complex web of causes and effects. We act in the best interests of ourselves and others by helping all beings find happiness and avoid suffering.

Attentiveness: We must be alert to the allure of negative emotions; they take root in the mind, obfuscate truth, and do harm. Attentiveness is the watchdog that guards against negativity in thoughts, words, and deeds, and directs the heart and mind toward all that is positive for ourselves and others. We must avoid even the smallest negative action; we should do even the smallest good.

Patience: Given pervasive suffering and our propensity to react adversely toward it, we must put forth the effort to cultivate a peaceful state of mind that wards off anger and upset. When we develop the capacity for forbearance, we grow in tolerance and remain undisturbed. When people behave unkindly toward us or others, we do not react in anger or retaliate. We consider them “teachers” with whom we practice patience; we offer them compassion. Likewise, when others are prone to lavish praise upon us, we must not become attached to it. Even if well-intentioned, praise is a distraction.

Endeavor: The enlightened being makes purposeful use of one’s short time on earth by doing what is good. We realize our potential by leveraging four supports: noble aspiration, firmness (i.e., confidence in our capacity to do the task at hand properly), a joyful countenance with regard to our work, and moderation (so we don’t overdo it and burn ourselves out!)

Meditative Concentration: Meditation trains and transforms the mind toward a focus on kindness, love, compassion, and non-harm toward others. It tamps down the distraction of random thoughts that may go negative or form needless attachment. This practice proves essential for clear insight. It cultivates a good heart, the source of all happiness and joy.

Wisdom: The wise person acknowledges that everything we experience in life – including our own sense of self – reflects our perceptions, not reality. Because ours is a relative truth, we must not cling to it and close our minds to new insights. Rather, we glimpse at the absolute nature of things by listening, reflecting, and meditating on our experience.

Finally, The Dalai Lama reminds us that we are but tourists on this planet for a short visit. Let us all resolve to receive this endowment with a good heart and a deep intention to take positive actions with compassion and make something useful of our time here.

Four Noble Truths

In discussing Dan Harris’ book 10% Happier last week, I mentioned Dr. Mark Epstein, MD and his influence on Harris’ path to meditation. Though Harris covered the religion beat for ABC News, he did not have a faith practice and was not drawn to spirituality. In fact, he initially bristled at meditation teachers whose calm demeanors and use of language seemed at odds with his sensibilities. In Epstein, Harris saw a man of science who had integrated his training and clinical experience in psychotherapy with the ancient teachings of the Buddha.

In Thoughts Without A Thinker, Epstein identifies the Buddha as a source of practical psychology. According to Epstein, years of deep contemplation on the nature of existence led the Buddha to profound insights into the human mind and its propensity for self-created suffering. The Buddha also discerned the means to relieve distress. He captured these insights in the Four Noble Truths.

FIRST: All existence is dukkha. The word dukkha is often translated as suffering, but a better sense of it might be pervasively unsatisfactory. We are mere mortals whose physical bodies are subject to disease, decay, old age, and death. We are prone to mental anguish by the fleeting nature of pleasurable experience and the disappointment that comes with not getting what we want. We are distressed by life’s uncertainty – never really knowing who we are, where we stand, or what will come next. And we feel pain when reality pierces the veil of our illusions. This is the reality of existence.

SECOND: The cause of dukkha is craving. We crave pleasurable sensory experiences. We have a deep desire for security that the vicissitudes of life disrupt. We thirst to understand the essential core of our being and often create false selves in order to satisfy it. We suffer when our experiences, our sense of stability, and our assumptions prove transient. So, it might be said that dukkha is not a function of what happens to us in life, but rather a function of our yearning to make it other than it is.

THIRD: The cessation of dukkha comes with the cessation of craving. When we identify the sources of our craving and become liberated from them, we are free to experience life with a sense of equanimity. We enjoy sensory pleasures without becoming attached to them. We experience life moment-to-moment without undue anxiety over its impermanence. We forego the need to define ourselves. In short, we relieve suffering not by changing life, but by changing the way we perceive it.

FOURTH: There is a path that leads out of dukkha. This Noble Eightfold Path includes right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness, and right concentration.

Mindfulness and meditation loom large in Buddhist practice. In the act of bare attention, we notice our surroundings and the stream of thoughts that attend to our human experience moment-to-moment. We slow down and both observe and tame the ego and its relentless inner dialog. We are invited to notice our stray thoughts and feelings without taking ownership of them. They are “just thoughts” or “just feelings.” We learn to separate our reactions from raw sensory events and give ourselves space to explore them with interest, tolerance, and compassion. And when we come face-to-face with cherished images we hold of ourselves, we may well realize how insubstantial they truly are. We can let them go.

One might perceive the Four Noble Truths as pessimistic and the call to mindfulness ascetic. Nothing could be further from the truth! Rather, when we open ourselves to the transitory nature of existence, Epstein notes a “shift from an appetite-based, spatially conceived self [that is] preoccupied with a sense of what is lacking to a breath-based, temporally conceived self [that is] capable of spontaneity and aliveness.” We can let go and surrender to the moment. And that seems quite satisfying to me.

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