Forgiveness as Release

In 1986, Jeremy Irons and Robert DeNiro co-starred in a period drama called The Mission. In it, Robert DeNiro plays a mid-18^th-century conquistador named Captain Rodrigo Mendoza who kidnaps natives in the eastern Paraguayan jungle and sells them to wealthy plantation owners. Betrothed to the beautiful Carlotta, he is a picture of worldly success. But upon discovering that his fiancé is having an affair with his half-brother Felipe, Mendoza challenges Felipe to a duel and kills him. Wrought with guilt, he spirals into depression.

He encounters a Jesuit priest named Father Gabriel (played by Jeremy Irons) who offers him a path to redemption. The priest invites Mendoza to join his Christian mission to convert the very Guarani population that Mendoza has been terrorizing. Mind you, the entire mission is a dangerous prospect. The Guarani had killed a priest who’d previously attempted contact, and they would certainly bear hostility toward Mendoza. But Father Gabriel had piqued their interest through his calm demeanor and captivating oboe music and trusts that this modicum of goodwill might serve Mendoza as well. For his part, Mendoza must foreswear violence and carry his armor and sword in a bundle tied to his waist. The latter is no mean feat as the path through the jungle to meet the Guarani is rather treacherous even for one unencumbered.

Anyway, Mendoza is transformed by the journey and has clearly shed all traces of the violent opportunist he used to be. While the natives recognize their former persecutor, they soon forgive the tearful Mendoza and cut away his heavy bundle. He is released from his heavy burden.

I like that word: RELEASE. It helps me to think of forgiveness as letting go of guilt, blame, hurt, anger, and resentment, connecting with my vulnerability, and opening myself to a compassionate response – to myself and others. That release brings the freedom to be compassionate. And as one sage put it this way: “Don’t push anyone, including yourself, out of your heart.”

With this lens, I see forgiveness as a practice of unhooking from distress around past harms regardless of who the object of forgiveness might be. It’s letting go of what we would like to have happened. Someone else may or may not make amends to us, but if we hold ourselves hostage to someone else’s behavior, we cannot be free.

Lily Tomlin puts it this way: “Forgiveness means giving up all hope for a better past.”

Just reflect for a minute: When you don’t forgive, how is that for you? How is it to live with that? How is it in your body, in your nervous system? If you walk around thinking to yourself, “I hate them, I hate them, I hate them,” who is suffering?

The other party or parties do not need to know about your decision. It’s not about them. It’s about casting off the suffering that weighs you down. It’s the possibility of profound redemption and release. But it can only happen in the right way and at the right time.

I’m not suggesting that forgiveness is a one-and-done transaction. It’s unrealistic to expect that we will come to a final release around a situation, especially if we have suffered deep wounds. Rather, it’s an attitude and an aspiration that we continue to practice, even if the same stuff crops up again and again. We keep doing the work.

Loving Kindness Meditation

I begin here where I left off last week – with an invitation to share the loving kindness we feel toward intimates with all beings everywhere. What a glorious world we would create if all of us could express that sentiment, ever and always!

But here’s where the rubber meets the road.

Let’s face it – it’s easy to love lovable people. People who are in our immediate orbit. People who are most like us in sociopolitical standing, cultural background, political ideology, religious faith, and so on. It’s not easy to love who hold views that are diametrically opposed to our own, who threaten or hurt those we love, who behave unkindly toward us, or who thoughtlessly race in and take the last parking spot that we’ve waited for patiently!

A few years ago, I crafted a post based on Dr. Robert Sapolsky’s book, Behave: The Biology of Humans at Our Best and Worst, in which he argues that we are biologically wired to process differences in race, ethnicity, gender, social status, and beauty. Our brains are especially attuned to skin color. In fact, we form US vs. THEM dichotomies within milliseconds of exposure to others. We feel a sense of obligation and reciprocity toward those we deem part of US, and view THEM as threatening, angry, and untrustworthy. THEY might even evoke disgust.

We all belong to several US-THEM groupings, and our affiliations vary over time. Yet Sapolsky tells us that we do not need to be held hostage to our biological or cultural biases. If we acknowledge that factions exist, we can choose to follow our better angels. We can focus on larger, shared goals and invest the time and effort to see the world from a different vantage point.

We can prepare the mind, heart, and body to be receptive to, and purveyors of, loving-kindness through mindfulness meditation. The traditional practice has five categories: lovingkindness for oneself, for specific friends or benefactors, for a neutral person, for a challenging person, and for all beings everywhere. It proceeds by sending forth these blessings:

May I/you be filled with lovingkindness.
May I/you be safe from inner and outer dangers.
May I/you be well in body and mind.
May I/you be at ease and happy.

Starting with the self can be hard. Sharon Salzberg, in her book Real Love, quotes her friend Nora, saying: “You always hear you need to practice self-love in order to love others. But no one tells you how to love yourself. On the one hand, it feels like a cure-all. I need to love myself to find a lover. On the other hand, I think a lot of people seek out romance as a way of not loving themselves. In some sense, self-love is the most difficult.”

If self-love proves difficult, it isn’t necessary to start there. I typically meditate on loving thoughts toward others, then receive loving-kindness from them, and then consider loving myself. Evoking the sense of loving-kindness is enormously important. Because when I feel love, it’s easier for me to access that intention for myself.

Starting out, I did not force myself trough gritted teeth to send loving thoughts out to challenging people. I didn’t want to be disingenuous or find myself in a grand meditative debate as to whether or not that person deserved it. It became easier to add that element back in once I’d worked with the practice for a while.

There’s a story of a rabbi who used to teach in the Jewish mystical tradition. He had his disciples memorize, reflect, contemplate, and place the teachings of the holy words on their heart. One day, a student asked why the rabbi always used the phrase “on your heart,” and the master replied, “Only the divine can put the teachings into your heart. Here we recite, and learn, and put them on the heart, hoping that some time when your heart breaks, they will fall in.”

So, it’s a practice. It’s something that we can train and do. If the phrases offered earlier do not resonate, it’s OK to choose other ones. Most teachers suggest intentions that revolve around safety, happiness, good health, and ease (peace, equanimity). It’s also OK to use different phrases for different people. An especially difficult person may receive the blessing: May you be free from hatred. May you be free from greed. May you look upon others with kindness. May you find peace in your heart.

I’ve been working with the practice for a few months, typically first thing in the morning. I vary the phrases (often because I can’t remember the traditional ones!) And I don’t constrain myself to a particular pattern of extending well-wishes. With consistent practice, I feel changed for the better. When enough of us experience that transformation, perhaps we’ll create a kinder world.

Loving Kindness

Today’s post focuses on metta, the Pali word used to describe benevolence, loving-kindness, goodwill, and active interest in others. It is the first of four sublime states in the Theravada school of Buddhism and is central to the practice of mindfulness. I’ll begin with a story…

In the early 19^th Century, the King of Siam established a new capital city in Bangkok. And after commissioning the construction of many temples, he ordered that various old Buddha statuary should be brought to Bangkok from ruined temples around the country. Mind you, this was no simple undertaking. One such statue stood nearly 10 feet tall and weighed over 6 tons. Imagine the effort that it took to relocate it given 19^th century technology. It was not especially beautiful as its outer covering was that of stucco and colored glass. But its origins in the 13^th or 14^th century rendered it valuable.

The piece was moved three more times before settling into its permanent home in 1954. But during that final move, something happened to cause some of the plaster coating to chip off, revealing a golden surface underneath. This was a curious development. And at the direction of the monks, all of the plaster was removed. To the astonishment of the assembled workers and clerics, a golden Buddha emerged, preserved and protected over hundreds of years from would-be marauders who would otherwise have stolen this national treasure.

This story is oft repeated as a metaphor for human life – and, by extension, all of life on this earth. Luminous. Immensely valuable. Golden at the core of being.

Yet as we grow and walk this earth, how easy it has become to lose sight of our inner gold as we accumulate layer upon layer of outer shells and colored glass. Some as shields. Some to appear attractive according to the style of the day. And some due to a lost ability to let that inner core shine through even (and perhaps most especially) when we fail to act in accordance with our better angels or simply hold ourselves in low esteem.

Since I began a mindfulness meditation teacher certification program over a year ago, I’ve been struck by the frequency with which my instructors use the words “compassion” and “kind attention” in dharma talks and guided meditation. For example, if noticing physical discomfort when settling in for a period of silence, Jack Kornfield invites us to acknowledge the distress with compassion and then move mindfully. When investigating difficult emotions in a R.A.I.N. practice, Tara Brach encourages us to give kind attention to our sensations, our feelings, and stories. These aren’t throw away phrases. They’re constant reminders of that golden essence that lies at the core of our being… and that golden essence merits deep respect and care no matter what thoughts, feelings, or sensations arise and pass away.

That is the kindness that we owe ourselves. That is the lens through which we are invited to receive and respond to all beings. It is captured beautifully and simply in the Hindu greeting namaste which connotes “I bow to the divine in you” or “the sacred in me recognizes the sacred in you.”

And turning now to the word “loving.” Those among us who have experienced a deep connection with the Divine, who have experienced loving relationships in their families of origins, who have been blessed with committed partners and friends, who have raised children (and perhaps fur or feathered babies), and/or lived in intentional community may have a leg up in accessing this deep feeling of attachment that can abide between us. Far beyond the flutter of the heart, it speaks to a genuine concern for the other’s wellbeing, a steadfast presence during the ups and downs of life, a celebration of the other’s strengths and accomplishments, and a gentle tolerance for faults and failings. It is a felt sense in the heart and active engagement toward the other’s betterment. Metta invites us to extend the feeling we share with intimates to all others in our communities and on this earth.

The Enneagram’s Heaven Triad

In the final installment of William Schafer’s take on the enneagram, the members of the Heaven Triad seek to imbue life with meaning: FOURS through the importance of the individual and self-expression, SEVENS by radiating joy, and ONES by striving for an expression of divine perfection. Even as they reach for the sublime, they tell us how life fails to reach utopian possibilities.

FOURS are disappointed idealists who focus on beauty and seek a world in which everything of importance or substance is attained (though they fixate on what’s missing).
SEVENS are excited idealists who focus on potential and are impatient for its realization. They seek an ideal, positive world that is free of suffering and pain and full of pleasant, free-flowing experiences.
ONES are exacting idealists who seek a perfect world according to their internal standards of the way things ought to be. They focus on order and work diligently (often too hard) to attain their standards.

The members of this triad are shut off: FOURS from appreciating the already perfect wholeness in all there is; SEVENS in embracing all of life – good and bad, mundane and ecstatic; and, ONES from appreciating variations and differences in life and in people.

	TYPE FOUR	TYPE SEVEN	TYPE ONE
Life Force	Receptive (yin)	Active (yang)	Balancing (yin/yang)
Emotional Regulation	Reactive (expressing)	Positive Outlook (reframing)	Competency (containing)
Center of Intelligence	Heart (feeling)	Head (thinking)	Body (instinctive)

Type Four: The Individualist

According to Schafer, FOURS have lost sight of how all physical and psychological forms spring forth from one source and connect with the field of Qi – a.k.a., Holy Origin. Our deepest authenticity and worth originate in one’s connection to the divine mystery. When disconnected from it, there is a deep sense of deficiency and endless preoccupation with retrieving what was lost.

FOURS experience envy rooted in a feeling that others possess what they lack. Melancholy arises in the wake of unquenchable longing. They seek intense emotions to feel real but may find they take over and run on their own. Their desire to be seen results in searching for that which what is authentic, unique, and individual.

To establish reconnection with the Origin, FOURS must give up their dramatic external searching and settle quietly within. They find healing in Equanimity, recognizing that life can be meaningful without the roller coasters. Mindfulness of emotions enables them to observe emotions without letting them take control.

Type Seven: The Enthusiast

According to Schafer, SEVENS have lost sight of nature’s ability to sustain energy effortlessly, as the constant flow of water in a waterfall. There is a grand Work, Plan, and Wisdom in the universe that creates and sustains beautiful patterns. It requires neither our machine-like contributions nor our compulsively designed schemes. It unfolds and calls upon us to abide within it.

SEVENS have an abundance of creative energy and move outward mentally, constantly mapping and planning for the future. They’re always asking “what’s next” to seek pleasure and avoid boredom and pain.

SEVENS profit from heeding the call to Constancy, being grounded in the moment, allowing the holy weaving of my life to work out. It transforms unrestrained doing to an appreciation for the underdetermined surprises and delight. Pleasure shifts from the act of mental mapping (yang) to the experience of enjoying the moment (yin).

Type One: The Perfectionist

According to Schafer, ONES have lost sight of Being’s completeness be-ing – Perfection as it is. This loss of essence lands like a wave of wrongness, challenging ONE’s internal standard of rightness.

ONES’ fault-finding gives rise to the inner effort of improving. They want to re-create perfection. It renders them preoccupied with rules and correctness. They experience anger but hold it in all the while urgently trying to fix that which seems off-the-mark. The root of the problem lies not with the inflexible standards but in placing their hopes in standards in the first place.

The antidote lies in Serenity, leaving the maelstrom of perfection and anger. It implies a clear vision of each element as a manifestation of Dao to which one can be still and welcoming. ONES then receive every instance of life as a gift, perceiving the loveliness of the divine in the features of every human face. This is true serenity.

The Enneagram’s Human Triad

Continuing in a review of William Schafer’s characterization of the enneagram, the members of the Human Triad are core exemplars of the three ways to create enlightened human society: FIVES through science, EIGHTS through the politics of power, and TWOS through service. They stave off rejection by providing necessary, important functions and becoming powerful in their own right.

FIVES offer thoughtful analysis and rational viewpoints; they move away from others to deliver reason and perspective.
EIGHTS offer strength and protection; they assert what is required at any given moment.
TWOS offer care and support; they move towards others to meet needs.

The members of this triad are shut off: FIVES from acknowledging that they have needs and cutting themselves off from them; EIGHTS from releasing their grip on the environment to control their needs; and, TWOS from meeting their own needs through a natural flow of give and take.

	TYPE FIVE	TYPE EIGHT	TYPE TWO
Life Force	Receptive (yin)	Active (yang)	Balancing (yin/yang)
Emotional Regulation	Competency (containing)	Reactive (expressing)	Positive Outlook (reframing)
Center of Intelligence	Head (thinking)	Body (instinctive)	Heart (feeling)

Type FIVE: The Observer

According to Schafer, FIVES have lost sight of original awareness through Holy Omniscience and Transparency. This divine principal states that we are whole and complete, knowing whatever is known from the inside out. This endowment enables a generosity of spirit from a wellspring that never runs dry.

FIVES embody a scarcity mentally in which needs, dependencies, and interactions with others prove draining. They fear loss of resources and being left totally depleted. They erect boundaries, cling tightly to what they have, and resolve to do with less. The generosity of origin squeezes into avarice.

That path to growth lies in Nonattachment, surrendering everything and embracing life with an open and grateful heart. In self-emptying, they can experience the fullness of illumination.

Type EIGHT Protector

According to Schafer, EIGHTS have lost sight of Holy Truth, that gut-level openness to authentic presence. It’s an acknowledgement that life can never move against itself.

EIGHTS find embodiment a threat. They narrate the world through the lens of Self vs. Other, separateness, opposition. A lost inner source of energy morphs into a passion for excess and resistance to that which is threatening. They may even stir up trouble to make the outer world cohere with their inner vision of it. It’s all about power, where power suppresses frailty and vulnerability. They believe sheer force prevents them from being hurt.

EIGHTS must recognize that there is an element of weakness in all strength. Essential Being was never weak or insignificant. There is freedom in Innocence. The real defeat is to divide rather than belong, to fight rather than live.

Type TWO: The Connector

According to Schafer, TWOS have lost sight of the fact that life force is intentional and purposeful. Each moment unfolds meaningfully with the divine process concerning itself with personal destiny – a.k.a., Holy Will and Freedom. The individual and collective do not act in opposition. Rather, full individuality better serves the needs of the whole.

In early life, TWOS lost the feeling of personal significance, as though life force had forgotten them. They seek emotional connection in the world, often forcing the give-and-take in relationship rather than letting it happen naturally. It renders them uncomfortably pinned between their own needs and those of others. Their energies collapse into an intense effort to care for others while unconsciously calling attention to themselves. It may feel ego-gratifying but can be exhausting.

TWO’s antidote lies in Humility, accepting their limits and expressing gratitude for life as it is. While at root they manifest a spiritual longing for connection, they need to stop trying to act lovable and allow love to act.

The Enneagram’s Earth Triad

As noted in last week’s post, William Schafer views the nine types of the enneagram through the lens of energy (yin, yang, and balancing) and the clouding over of divine light as a function of shocks to our initial state of bliss. A loss of wholeness, emotional connectedness, and/or trust creates knots in our awareness.

The members of the Earth Triad evidence a deep preoccupation with embodied existence. NINES felt a loss of wholeness, THREES a loss of emotional connection, and SIXES a loss of trust. Each concerns itself with how to blend into, align with, and thrive alongside others in the world.

NINES seek a comfortable, harmonious, go-along-to-get-along place in the world.
THREES individuate and seek a practical and sustaining, ambitious and productive role in the world.
SIXES see a safe and secure, predictable, and certain existence to survive in the world. They straddle individuation and union in service of that agenda.

The members of this type are shut off: NINES from their own action; THREES from their own feelings; and, SIXES from their own thinking.

	TYPE NINE	TYPE THREE	TYPE SIX
Life Force	Receptive (yin)	Active (yang)	Balancing (yin/yang)
Emotional Regulation	Positive Outlook (reframing)	Competency (containing)	Reactive (expressing)
Center of Intelligence	Body (instinctive)	Heart (feeling)	Head (thinking)

Type NINE: The Peacemaker

According to Schafer, NINES have lost sight of the innate loveliness and inner radiance of all Beings – a spiritual endowment of Holy Love. They do not experience themselves as inherently beautiful, lovable, or powerful. They feel insignificant. Survival depends upon being attentive to those who have power and merging with their needs.

NINES tend toward inertia, either staying at rest (asleep) or staying busy. They may find it hard to start a task or to end one in progress. Decision-making proves challenging. Anger and resentment show up as stubbornness.

NINE’s spiritual task is to wake up and welcome discomfort and conflict. Right Action demands that they gain awareness of their own energy and internal world. They must notice with compassion their own reactivity and experience their own thoughts and feelings without judgment. Passivity can transform into active energy and allow them to reclaim Holy Love and open up to all aspects of life energy.

Type THREE: The Performer

According to Schafer, THREES have lost sight of the fact that life force unfolds naturally and creatively according to Holy Law, Harmony, and Hope without control or guidance from us. When losing this sense, they become identified with their own activity, disconnected from vital essence of the original source. With a firm belief that “everything is up to me,” they gloss over their inner emptiness with unrestrained drive and endless “to do” lists.

THREES pump energy outward in multiple directions at once. They burn their feelings as fuel for production, considering them a waste of time. They’re preoccupied with image – successful, productive, useful – and believe you can only be measured by what you accomplish. The compulsion to create and re-create themselves through action renders them prone to exhaustion. Sadly, that predisposition reflects a false stimulation of vital essence.

THREE’s spiritual task is to transform from a human doing to a human being and set aside vainglory in service of Veracity. They need to see the real self and not the produced one, thereby exposing their tendency toward shallowness and gravitation toward image. In that process, the fear of failure (“I cannot act”) can find new life as a choice (“I can not act.”)

Type SIX: The Security Seeker

According to Schafer, SIXES have lost sight of our staying power amid life’s toils and tribulations and the promise that all Beings evolve according to universal love and hope – a.k.a., Holy Strength and Faith. They view the universe as predatory and lean on caution and doubt to survive.

SIXES energies collapse into a narrow preoccupation with safety, security, and predictability. They’re constantly scanning for real or perceived threats and developing plans to address them. They don’t characterize this behavior as fearful; they believe it simply renders them prepared. While they seek authority that is steadfast, solid, and certain, they tend to mistrust it even when found. They rely heavily on mental constructs and give short shrift to direct knowing by the heart or gut.

SIXES must recognize that the doubting, critical mind doesn’t produce certainty; it enflames fear. They need the courage to Trust their own strength and believe the deepest part of Being will care for them.

Another Perspective on the Enneagram

It has been a while since I’ve written about the enneagram, a model of nine personality profiles and three instincts. But since finishing William M. Schafer’s Roaming Free Inside the Cage: A Daoist Approach to the Enneagram and Spiritual Formation, I thought I’d share his perspective on the subject.

As noted in an earlier post, there are lots of books, websites, blog posts, podcasts, and articles on the subject, along with variations on how each pundit embraces the teachings of the enneagram. For the sake of brevity, here are descriptors that I use to capture the nine types:

The Perfectionist (a.k.a. Reformer or Idealist)
The Connector (a.k.a. Helper or Giver)
The Performer (a.k.a. Achiever or Motivator)
The Individualist (a.k.a. Romantic or Sensitive Soul)
The Observer (a.k.a. Thinker or Investigator)
The Security Seeker (a.k.a. Planner or Loyal Skeptic)
The Enthusiast (a.k.a. Epicure or Generalist)
The Protector (a.k.a. Challenger or Commander)
The Peacemaker (a.k.a. Mediator or Team Player)

Schafer suggests a need to study the enneagram to integrate and balance our differentiated parts and reclaim our essential qualities. We begin life in wholeness. Infancy provides an experience of pure presence, joy, wonder, curiosity, interest, and awareness of others’ awareness. Three shocks encumber our bliss:

Loss of wholeness upon birth as we enter the physical world
Loss of emotional connection when relationships prove variable
Loss of trust when caregivers fall short of our needs and expectations

These shocks disturb the natural balance of energies: yin as retractive, passive, and receptive, and yang as active, assertive, repelling, and expansive. In a struggle to survive, our egos either give undue to weight to their yin or yang energies, or hold too tightly to a balance between them. Personality forms around this energetic imbalance.

A yin person manifests a lack of edge and aggression. They have a soft, resting energy that either draws us in or demands that we lose energy in order to connect. [Types 4, 5, 9]
A yang person moves out with power, force, or intensity. We may feel taken aback by them. [Types 3, 7, 8]
A reconciling person neither invites nor overwhelms. In an attempt to preserve both yin and yang, they keep their energy contained. They may be hard to read. [Types 1, 2, 6]

Each type also has a distinctive emotional energy that reflects a distorted view of a holy ideal and virtue. Rather than resting freely in the bounty of its innate endowment, the type develops habits to suppress experiences it deems unacceptable. The more skillful the avoidance, the greater the barrier to personal and spiritual growth.

Type	Holy Ideal	Virtue	Avoidance
1	Perfection	Perfection	Error, anger
2	Freedom, will	Humility	Personal need
3	Law, harmony, hope	Veracity	Failure
4	Origin	Equanimity	Ordinary living
5	Omniscience	Non-attachment	Emptiness
6	Strength, faith	Courage	Spontaneity
7	Work, plan, wisdom	Constancy	Boredom, pain
8	Truth	Innocence	Vulnerability
9	Love	Right action	Conflict

Schafer views the enneagram as a means to reclaim all the initial stages of wholeness. Working with the enneagram challenges us to invite sensations, feelings, and states of mind that we otherwise consciously avoid. Knowing one’s type is less important than inquiring within about the energies and processes that motivate behavior. We are encouraged to be observant, compassionate, nonjudgmental, and accepting in the journey. This approach provides a doorway to consciousness so that we can live freely within our types.

The next three posts will provide a deeper dive on Schafer’s teachings regarding the nine types of the enneagram. They are organized by triads, with each triad containing representations in:

The three centers of intelligence: Body (instinctive), Heart (feeling), and Head (thinking)
The three great life forces – Receptive (yin), Active (yang), and Balancing (yin/yang)
The three forms of emotional regulation: Positive Outlook (a.k.a. Reframing), Reactive (a.k.a. Expressive), and Competency (a.k.a., Containing)

Stay tuned!

How to Sustain Cognitive Health

As a follow-on to last week’s post, my husband and I finished watching Dr. Richard Restak course entitled Optimizing Brain Fitness on Wondrium. I took away a number of recommendations that I’ll put into practice to bolster my cognitive health.

He provided fair warning about technology’s destructive impact on cognition. The near-constant stream of alerts from email, text, social media, pop-ups, etc. diminishes our capacity for concentration. Hypertext links beckon our attention away from the material we’re trying to absorb. We skim and surf rather than engage in deep processing of information. We pat ourselves on the back for our capacity to attend to multiple sensory inputs at once without realizing that cognitive efficiency suffers greatly in the attempt. Depth, clarity, and cohesion of thought take time and focused attention. We’d do well to give our devices and apps a bit of a rest!

Long term cognitive health benefits greatly from building up a cognitive reserve through sustained stimulation and challenge. Folks with complex occupations that tax their frontal lobes develop cognitive reserve throughout their lifetimes. Self-education as a lifetime practice also works, especially when delving regularly into unfamiliar territory or challenging ourselves to acquire new skills. As Dr. Retak says: “People with higher cognitive reserve are better at recruiting alternate nerve-cell networks or increasing the efficiency of existing networks in response to age-related change.” In other words, we may accumulate plaque and tangles over time that block certain neuro networks, but a cognitive reserve allows us to chart new pathways to overcome them.

Dr. Restak suggests we approach retirement with an action plan to stay stimulated and engaged. Start with something of deep interest unrelated to chosen career and cultivate it as “a magnificent obsession.” Spend an hour or more a day improving knowledge and/or performance in that area. Dr. Restak chose cooking given is capacity to improve sensory perception, fine motor skills, attention, working memory, and artistry. He also admonishes us to pursue activities outside our comfort levels.

Companies like BrainHQ provide structured cognitive training exercises that improve our reasoning, memory, and processing speed. Video games can serve the same purpose if used wisely. They’ve been shown to improve peripheral visual attention, 3-D awareness, contrast sensitivity, hand-eye coordination, manual dexterity, reflexes, and concentration. They can also become addictive and damage health, relationships, and social engagement. To gain the maximum benefit:

Find apps that match interests, preferably devoted to individual effort; avoid violent games.
Set limits on play – 2-3 hours per week with no session lasting longer than 1 hour
“Power down” afterwards by reading dense material that forces deep concentration and slower action

Minimize time spent watching television. It’s a solitary, passive enterprise that turns the brain off. Studies have shown a link between high TV viewership and cognitive impairment. If hungering for screen time, the computer provides active stimulation and the possibility for creation and community.

In addition to cognitive stimulation, Dr. Restak asks that we monitor our moods and inner dialog in favor of healthy, positive states. Keeps things in perspective and don’t waste energy on things that cannot be controlled. Focus on what you can do even if it’s merely to adopt a forward-looking attitude. Action and feeling go together. Art and music elevate mood. Optimism promotes cognitive health. So does a good sense of humor!

Finally, eat right, get adequate, high quality sleep, and exercise… preferably with friends!

Tricks to Improve Memory

My husband and I recently watched a Wondrium course entitled Optimizing Brain Fitness by Dr. Richard Restak. He covered quite a bit of ground to which I had been exposed previously. But I took keen interest in his commentary on memory.

My professional and artistic endeavors regularly call upon me to commit substantive quantities of material to memory. I can get the job done, but it’s far from easy for me to do it. And it’s not just a function of getting older. It has always been challenging. But Dr. Restak offered several evidence-based suggestions.

FIRST: Pay attention. Concentrate on what you are trying to learn without succumbing to distraction. Focus increases with interest, so try to become engaged in material that captivates you.

SECOND: Look for ways of making the material meaningful. Try to relate it to something you know or do. See the material in your mind’s eye. Identify personal associations. In retrieval, try to mimic the experience when the memory was first formed.

THIRD: Use as many sensory faculties as possible to create memory pages. Form clear and distinct images associated with the memory. Find ways to use sounds, smells, tactile sensations, and emotions as triggers. The more dramatic the sensory and emotional associations, the more likely they will stick in memory.

FOURTH: Chunk it. Find ways to group the content into logical “buckets.” Work on memorizing each bucket independently and then chaining them all together. (Note: I typically learn “chunks” of material from the back of a speech or song and moving forward. Each time I add a new chunk, I repeat the chucks I’ve already learned as I work my way to the end.)

FIFTH: Use repetition wisely. We don’t retain content by simply jamming it into the brain by rote. We need a depth of engagement in how we structure the memory (as noted above) and how we work with it – e.g., recording it, listening to playback, writing it down, talking/singing along, etc. We also need time for the content to percolate. It’s more effective to do some memory work every day (or multiple times per day) rather than all at once. Neural networks strengthen each time a memory is stored away and later retrieved.

SIXTH: Use a memory palace to string content together. This technique calls upon us to establish a set construct that we can walk through in our minds. For example, I might walk through my townhouse and notice the following 12 items: the sofa, cabinet, and TV in the living room; the table in the dining room; the sink, stove, microwave, pantry, and refrigerator in the kitchen; the hall stairs; the bed and dresser in the bedroom. I memorize those items and the sequence in which I encounter them as I’ll be using this “palace” for many, many memory tasks. When working on a speech, I chunk it into 12 sections and attach a section to each stop on my route, preferably with a dramatic flair. (Note: For simple lists, conjure up a wild, vivid story that incorporates all the items to be memorized.)

Dr. Restak advises against using technology to solve our memory challenges. While it’s a crutch that addresses an immediate need, the resulting atrophy of our memory circuits does not bode well for cognitive health long term. Rather, we should create opportunities daily to exercise our memory even when we’re not required to do so – e.g., learn (and use) new words, practice memorizing strings of digits (and increasing difficulty over time), commit grocery lists to memory, learn favorite poems.

Stress and Illness

Stress. Most of us feel it with some regularity. We typically think in terms of difficult life circumstances – e.g., financial reversals, work-related challenges, loss of social standing, relationship issues, illness. But it can also accompany welcome life events – e.g., marriage, promotions, buying houses, retirement, vacations.

I don’t like to admit to feeling stressed. I prefer to think that I have everything under control. That whatever life is throwing at me, I’ve got it covered. And I don’t like slowing down when I’ve got a full head of stream or taking things off my plate when I’m busy. Stress can be an unpleasant wake-up call that I’m not interested in answering.

Back in the 1960s, folks started taking an interest in the relationship between stress and illness. Psychiatrists Thomas Holmes and Richard Rahe examined the medical records of thousands of patients and correlated the incidence of illness with various life events. They published the following Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale through which the sum of change units in a given year provided an indication of the relative risk of illness. A score of 300+ suggested a high risk of illness, 150-299 moderate, and <150 slight.

Life Event	Change Unit	Life Event	Change Unit
Death of a spouse	100	Child leaving home	29
Divorce	73	Trouble with in-laws	29
Marital separation	65	Outstanding personal achievement	28
Imprisonment	63	Spouse starts or stops work	26
Death of a close family member	63	Beginning or end of school	26
Personal injury or illness	53	Change in living conditions	25
Marriage	50	Revision of personal habits	24
Dismissal from work	47	Trouble with boss	23
Marital reconciliation	45	Change in working hours or conditions	20
Retirement	45	Change in residence	20
Change in health of family member	44	Change in schools	20
Pregnancy	40	Change in recreation	19
Sexual difficulties	39	Change in church activities	19
Gain a new family member	39	Change in social activities	18
Business readjustment	39	Minor mortgage or loan	17
Change in financial state	38	Change in sleeping habits	16
Death of a close friend	37	Change in number of family reunions	15
Change to different line of work	36	Change in eating habits	15
Change in frequency of arguments	35	Vacation	13
Major mortgage	32	Major holiday	12
Foreclosure of mortgage or loan	30	Minor violation of law	11
Change in responsibilities at work	29

The system purportedly had value for folks like me who might ignore the signs of stress but rack up sufficient stressors to warrant a moment or two of consideration. Having run across this system recently, I got to thinking: Has their research stood the test of time?

An article by Cohen, Murphy, and Prather on stressful life events and disease risk provided several insights based on 70 years of research on the subject. Here are their findings:

Stressful events may arise based on the amount of adaptation or change required of an individual, the imminence of threat or harm, a level of demand exceeding resources, an interruption of goals, or any combination thereof.
Stressful events influence disease onset through a variety of mechanisms. As discussed in a prior post, excess stress may lead to hypertension, high cholesterol, disrupted digestion, bone disintegration, suppression of immune function, and neural network damage. The affected individuals may also adopt poor health behaviors as coping mechanisms – e.g., faulty nutrition, poor exercise habits, substance abuse, dysfunctional sleep patterns.
Most people exposed to stressful events do not get sick. And despite increased risk for mental disorders, stress does not necessarily lead to depression. People with greater perceived control, self-efficacy, and a generally optimistic outlook tend to be resilient.
Excluding natural disasters, stressful event exposure correlates with socioeconomic status (i.e., low status yields more events) and personality factors (e.g., agreeableness, conscientiousness, positive or negative attitude, attachment styles, neuroticism).
Stressful events may not cause disease in otherwise healthy people. Nonetheless, biological wear and tear caused by chronic stress may result in increased disease risk, and stress may tip the balance toward disease in a system made vulnerable by other causes.
Certain stressors are more impactful than others, notably those which threaten an individual’s sense of competence or standing in areas that reflect the individual’s core identity. These stressors generally fall within the domains of interpersonal problems, social status, and work difficulties. In particular:
- Stressful interpersonal events have been associated with heightened risk of depression, upper respiratory infection, hypertension, heart disease, physical disability, and premature mortality.
- Folks experiencing social rejection have shown decreased anti-inflammatory gene signaling and increased asthma symptoms.
- Unemployment and underemployment has been associated with increased risk of depression, cardiovascular disease, and premature mortality. Even a month’s worth of unemployed and underemployment increases susceptibility to cold-causing viruses.
As a rule, persistent stress and chronic intermittent stress prove more deleterious than acute stress. Acute stress proves problematic when it accelerates a pre-existing disease process or sets off longer-term trauma (e.g., rape).
Multiple events may or may not be more potent than individual ones. Studies have not done a good job accounting for multiple distinct stressors versus several events tied to a single root cause (e.g., divorce and associated changes in financial status, residence, church, social circles, recreation, etc.)
The impact of stressful events varies as a function of when they occur during a life. For example, the death of a spouse at middle age with teenaged children proves more impactful than in one’s senior years. Moreover, there are sensitive periods in life when stressors exact a higher toll, notably childhood.
Men and women respond to stress differently based on evolutionary pressures and cultural norms.

Healthy Lifestyle

Ideas to Nourish the Body, Mind, and Spirit