A Healing Balm for the Holidays

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, the day on which the holidays officially begin. (Yep – I ignored the Christmas decorations that were already going up in October!) We’ll spend time with my mother at her Memory Care facility and enjoy a (small) bite to eat while we watch a DVD together. Then we’ll share a meal with friends who were gracious enough to include us in their family gathering.

I’ll confess that I’m having trouble putting myself in an appropriately thankful spirit. On a conscious level, I am well aware of the many blessings in my life, not the least of which are family, friends, purposeful work, and the good health and resources to enjoy them. However, I’m overbooked for the umpteenth time in my life and wonder how I’ll get myself through the next few months. I can’t scan the headlines without getting a knot in my stomach.

As I was flipping through an old notebook in search of inspiration for this week’s post, I came across a poem that I first read in high school. It is timeless and good medicine for what ails me… and perhaps you, too.

Desiderata
by Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

What Do You Want To Do?

I’ve written several posts recently that speak to transitions in one’s professional life – including the transition to full- or partial-retirement. My latest guidepost in this line of inquiry is Dorothy Cantor’s book, What Do You Want to Do When You Grow Up: Starting the Next Chapter of Your Life. Ms. Cantor comes to this subject as a counselor who has worked with lots of folks in their forties through mid-sixties, and her book provides ample case studies to illustrate her main points.

The book starts by identifying the six dimensions of adult well-being: (i) self-acceptance – i.e., being at peace within oneself and one’s life journey; (ii) positive relations with other people; (iii) autonomy – i.e., thinking and acting based on one’s own sensibilities and moral compass, not in response to peer pressure; (iv) environmental mastery – i.e., competence in managing one’s life; (v) purpose in life; and, (vi) personal growth – i.e., changing in ways that reflect greater self-knowledge and effectiveness. The author believes most older adults fare well in the first four dimensions but may falter in the latter two once they leave the workforce.

The book guides the reader through a series of exercises to provide clues to fruitful avenues of exploration in the future. Key questions include:

What captivated your attention and colored your daily life from childhood through your school years?
What became your strongest, most useful asset(s) in adulthood? What did you enjoy? What did you love? Hate? Where did you display mastery? Less than stellar competency?
What good things came out of your professional life? (List 15 or more.)
What gets your juices flowing these days?

As you reflect on your responses, possibilities for future action may start to emerge. These opportunities can be evaluated through the dual vantage points of Motivators (i.e., what I want and what I need) and Activators (i.e., how I’ll get there):

The Motivators (Wants/Needs)

The Activators

Identity: Complete the phrase “I am a _______” with as many descriptors as resonate for you.

Intellectual activity to stimulate the mind

Physical activity to sustain health

Spiritual attention to the extent that it provides personal sustenance

Friendships

Family attachments

Applause and recognition to the extent that external rewards matter

Generative efforts to pass along one’s knowledge, experience, skills, and talents

Preferred level of activity

Risk tolerance

Making choices that are true to oneself

Initiating action (a.k.a., being a self-starter)

Setting reasonable goals (challenging yet attainable)

Proceeding independently

Overcoming obstacles

Changing courses as the need arises

Striking a balance between work and play, solitary and communal efforts, family and friends, etc.

Following through

Experiencing a sense of achievement

Finding pleasure in one’s endeavors

However much planning one might undertake in advance of retirement, the author identifies three distinct phases of activity:

The Honeymoon during which the individual simply revels in the break from routine that has been followed for years on end. It might include taking all those trips for which one never previously had time. It might include taking care of all those household projects that have been languishing on a “To Do List.” And it might include a lot of lazing around and simply enjoying life!
Testing New Waters during which the individual explores new terrain. Be curious. Gather information. Find people with whom to play or get assistance. Proceed by trial and error. Find a role model or mentor to encourage and inform you along the way. Follow your heart. And don’t berate yourself if an activity doesn’t turn out to be your cup of tea.
The Second Wind during which you learn to set your expectations and efforts to sustainable levels as you move forward. Let the goals be “to try new things” without worrying much about success. You don’t have to be great at everything you enjoy. Be content with “good enough” if that’s where things wind up. Combat resistance to large endeavors by taking small steps toward the larger goal. Just do it!

The author’s final piece of advice: “As you write the best story for the rest of your life, designing days that keep you growing and infuse you with an excellent sense of well-being, never forget to look for the fun in it all.”

My Football Stadium of Relationships

I was never much into football in my youth. But when I joined a co-ed, intramural flag football team in college, I got totally hooked. All of a sudden, the Saturday collegiate and Sunday professional games made sense. In fact, during the first 25 years of our marriage, my husband and I were glued to the tube on Sundays watching football while eating mass quantities of popcorn. Those were the days!

So, when I started thinking about all of the relationships in my life, it was easy for me to think about them in the context of a football stadium and all the action that takes place on the field.

My “teammates” represent the most important relationships in my life. They’re the folks who’re on the field figuring out how we’ll reach our goals and doing the work to get there. They show up week-after-week, ready-to-go in all kinds of weather. We rejoice together when we make progress toward our goals. We keep one another motivated when we have set-backs. We pick one another up when we fall. And we don’t care how much mud we accumulate in the process.

I cannot do anything meaningful, challenging, risky, or great without “teammates.” And I can’t imagine relishing life as much as I do without them.

The “opposing team” might include challengers or challenges that we intentionally place on the field to stretch ourselves and perfect our skills and strategies. They might include “teammates” who temporarily fill that role to help us become better prepared to address the real thing. And they might include adversaries and adversities that we hadn’t anticipated and for which we need effective responses.

Opposition is not a bad thing. It creates opportunities to expand our horizons while making us smarter, stronger, more experienced, and more vibrantly alive. It also encourages us to deepen connection with our teammates.

My “coaches” are experienced teachers, trainers, observers, and subject matter experts who’ve played the game and know how to succeed. They may excel at strategy, individual training, team building, or all of the above. They are passionately committed to crossing the goal line yet retain the professional detachment to render objective assessments and advice.

Having a coach is not a sign of weakness. It’s an indication that you take the game seriously and want to give yourself the right tools, training, and level-headed counsel to succeed.

In life and on the field, you need to be as adept at playing offense as you do defense. You may wind up having slightly different teammates and coaches to attain mastery in both disciplines. And these “rosters” will likely change many times over the course of lifetime.

Changes in lifestyles, circumstances, goals, shared interests, etc. have a ripple effect on everyone’s lives. If you’re lucky, a precious few will sustain key roles in your life over the years. Yet, you’ll always need to be engaged in community to attract people into your stadium (and be open to entering theirs!)

Everyone else hangs out somewhere in the stands. Some serve as a cheering squad to provide loads of encouragement during the game of life. Some occupy close-in seats so that they can keep a close watch on the action. Some sit farther afield and pay attention from time to time. Others sit in the end zone up in the second tier and spend most of their time talking to their friends while eating and drinking. They may plug in when something noteworthy occurs.

We all make varying investments in the people in our lives. And we all implicitly set expectations for how we expect folks to show up for us. We need to discern accurately where folks “choose their seats” in our stadiums and set our expectations accordingly. As such, we won’t work ourselves into a lather if someone doesn’t notice what’s happening on the field if they’ve opted to sit in the nosebleed seats and drink beer. Just bless them for showing up!

I reserve the right to deny access to my stadium. I’m good to go with constructive opposition that serves a useful purpose for all concerned. But I’ve come to a place in my life where I don’t need relationships that are chronically and incorrigibly negative. That’s my definition of a lose-lose proposition. And why go there?

As you look at your stadium of life, do you have all of the people you’d like to fill the positions you have available? If not, what are you prepared to do about it?

Are You Really Ready to Retire?

My husband joined the ranks of retirees two weeks ago. He has attempted retirement twice before. Each time, he reinvented himself a bit and then went back to work. But the early-rising, early-to-bed has gotten old. And they say the third time’s the charm… And so a new chapter in our lives begins.

Spike’s experience is not unusual. According to Jeri Sadler and Rich Miners in their book Don’t Retire, Rewire, there are several reasons why folks “flunk” retirement:

Retired for the wrong reasons
Didn’t take the emotional side of retiring into account
Didn’t know themselves as well as they thought they did
Didn’t have a plan
Expected retirement to evolve on its own
Thought rest, leisure, and recreation would be enough
Didn’t stay connected with society
Expected their partners to be their social lives
Didn’t appreciate what they’d left behind
Were overcome with boredom

While I don’t anticipate any of these impediments this time around, I certainly understand why they crop up. Much as we all like to think that mass quantities of free time would be lovely, most of my peers prefer the notion of a meaningful life to a merely recreational one.

To that end, I checked out Ernie Zelinski’s book How to Retire Happy, Wild, and Free: Retirement Wisdom That You Won’t Get From Your Financial Adviser. Unlike the myriad of books that focus on dollars and cents, Ernie sounds the clarion call for creating a meaningful, active, joy-filled existence. He declares the four fundamentals for personal fulfillment during retirement to be:

Finding who you truly are
Recreating your life through personal interests and creative pursuits, possibly through a new part-time career
(Don’t underestimate the power of having an overriding purpose… or several of them. Find ways to build structure and community into your life.)
Making optimum use of your extra leisure time
(Minimize time spent watching TV or surfing the Internet unless the latter ties to educational pursuits.)
Maintaining physical, mental, and spiritual well-being
(Eat well. Stay active. Ensure you are constantly growing and learning. Live according to a higher purpose.)

Here are Ernie’s criteria for an ideal leisure pursuit:

It’s an area (or activity) in which you have genuine interest.
It’s challenging.
It has the capacity to provide a sense of accomplishment.
It is multi-faceted, and, hence, will never bore you.
It’s an activity for which you can become immersed and lose the sense of time.
It provides avenues for developing knowledge and skills (including self-knowledge).
It doesn’t cost much.

Ernie’s book (or one like it) should be required reading alongside the financial planning book. While you need enough money on which to retire, you also need to have some idea of how stay vibrant, connected, and fulfilled while enjoying your newfound freedom.

I’m still working part-time but have had no trouble whatsoever filling up the rest of my time with interesting pursuits. Some stimulate my mind. Some focus on my health. And some are things on my “bucket list” that I’ve always wanted to do. No doubt things will get more interesting as Spike and I consider new possibilities to do together.

Successful Entry into a Non-Profit

The past couple of posts focused on preparation for making the transition from a for-profit to a non-profit setting. Here are some tips for a successful launch once you’ve found your match.

FIRST: Immerse yourself in the organization. Get familiar with its history, its evolution, its current mission, and the programs and services that fulfill it. Get to know the leadership team. If possible and appropriate, sit in on staff meetings and/or Board meetings to understand the larger context in which you’ll be operating. Analyze the financial statements; pay particular attention to the sources and uses of funds. Learn about the general operational flows. In short: Be an inquisitive, interested, and respectful student.

SECOND: Gain clarity on your assignment: (i) what’s expected of you, (ii) when deliverables are due (and what they should look like), (iii) who the key stakeholders are, (iv) the current best thinking on how to proceed, and (v) the nature and timing of internal (and external) progress reports. Be flexible. The scope and/or timing of your work may shift over time. And you may need to wear many hats and re-purpose your skill set and experience as the organization gets to know you better.

THIRD: Build relationships across the organization. Making personal connections is crucial for establishing professional trust and respect. Schedule one-to-one and small group meet-ups during breaks or meal times. Encourage co-workers to talk about their work and why they’re committed to it. Be willing to pitch in with tasks outside your project area – e.g., assist at outings or fundraisers, clean up the break room, help with hiring or volunteer screening.

FOURTH: Be humble, open-minded, and willing to learn. If you haven’t worked previously in the social sector, you may be viewed with a jaundiced eye. Corporate types may have been disrespectful toward them in the past by deeming their operations inefficient or poorly managed. Or, they may simply resent the fact that they have toiled away for years with substandard resources at lower pay for the sake of the cause, and you’re the Johnny-come-lately who’s dropping in after you’ve had your fill of for-profit work. Any hint of arrogance or superiority could be magnified and become a barrier to the good work that you might accomplish together.

FIFTH: Be patient. Things may not run as smoothly as you’d like. Common “speed bumps” in a new assignment include:

Key resources not queued effectively – e.g., stakeholder availability, budget for planned activities, technology
Lack of process, tools, frameworks to complete the project (which may need to be developed first)
Difficulty getting decisions made given diffusion of power, availability of decision makers, impact on other parts of the organization
Changing organizational priorities/commitments – especially when key funding sources dry up or get slashed
Staff turnover

During my year as an Encore Fellow with the Oregon Community Foundation, I had the opportunity to meet with a peer group of Fellows serving with other agencies. I really enjoyed hearing about everyone else’s’ experiences and benefited from their insights on making my assignment as productive and enjoyable as possible. If you have the opportunity to participate in such a group, I highly recommend it.

Walking in a Non-Profit’s Shoes

“The social sector wants to know who you are and what you care about before wanting to hear what you’ve done or what you’re capable of.”
– Jay Bloom, Bloom Anew

If you’ve decided to make the jump from the corporate to the social sector, recognize that you’ll be walking into a very different environment. Your knowledge, skills, experience, and connections may benefit the organization, but it’s a whole new ballgame in how they’ll play out.

High Level Strategy

For Profit	Non-Profit
Goal: To achieve above average return on investment sustainably for the owners	Goal: To carry out a defined mission by delivering services in response to identified needs
Strategy may be construed using proven constructs based on market segmentation, buyer behavior, value chain economics, competitive dynamics, other factors	Strategy may need to account for issues with deep social complexity that are not solved easily
Above average returns generally proceed from competitive advantage	Mission generally advanced through collaboration across the sector

Note: In Forces For Good: The Six Practices of High Impact Non-Profits, Leslie Crutchfield and Heather McLeod Grant cite nurturing non-profit networks as one of the six practices of high impact non-profits. Such networks consist of like-minded peers who use an “open source” approach and work in coalitions to influence legislation or conduct grassroots advocacy campaigns. However, high impact non-profits also live in the tension between the need for collaboration and the reality of competing against their peers in fundraising and grant acquisition.

Governance

For Profit	Non-Profit
Senior business leaders with a high degree of organizational and fiscal expertise	Influential community leaders, program experts, funders, service recipients, etc. with varying expertise in management
Generally not involved in the day-to-day operations	Actively involved in fundraising; may be involved in day-to-day operations

Senior Leadership Accountability

For Profit	Non-Profit
Owners/Shareholders Board of Directors Government agencies (regulators, buyers) Strategic partners	Governing Board Advisory Board Funders and donors Government agencies (regulators, grantors) Politicians Partners, collaboratives Clients & their families Volunteers Community at large

Note: Non-profit leaders are more accountable to their employees than their for-profit counterparts. Non-profit employees tend to be mission-driven and passionate. They want their voices to be heard; they want to know that they are making a difference. Non-profit employees believe they could make more money elsewhere; they are less afraid of termination.

Financial Resources

For Profit	Non-Profit
Stock issuance Corporate bonds Bank loans Net profits from sales of products & services	Government grants Institutional grants (foundations, corporations) Individual donors Fundraising events Fee for service Social enterprise
Operational efficiency sweetens all funding sources	Operational efficiency may or may not influence funding

Note: Resource availability in the social sector feels the influence of shifting political sands, federal, state, and local budgetary constraints, public awareness/interest, donor fatigue, etc. Committed funds may be withdrawn at will, thereby disrupting services and program outcomes.

Key Infrastructure

For Profit	Non-Profit
Invests in technology, marketing, and PR at a level consistent with profit objectives	Limited funding for IT, marketing, and PR; all such investments scrutinized heavily
Impact: Investments improve operations via expanded market opportunity and cost efficiency	Impact: Employees lack proper tools to do their work; public lacks awareness of the issue area

Note: A 2009 survey by Common Impact of over 185 non-profit leaders revealed that 79% of non-profits surveyed are spending 2% or less of their operating budgets to support key infrastructure (technology, public relations, and marketing). Compare this to the average 20% that service companies – the closest for-profit corollary to most non-profits – spend on building a healthy infrastructure. Less than 15% of non-profits have staff with functional expertise in technology, public relations, and marketing. Moreover, perceived “overspending” on infrastructure affects a non-profit’s seal of approval from rating agencies.

Organization Structure

For Profit	Non-Profit
Hierarchy with clear lines of authority	Flattened hierarchy with a diverse power base
Leaders have enough concentrated power to gather input, weigh options, and make decisions	Leaders do not have unilateral power to make important decisions; they must lean heavily on their powers of persuasion, political currency, and shared interest
Impact: Relatively efficient decision-making process	Impact: Much slower decision-making process

Culture

For Profit	Non-Profit
Bottom-line results orientation Competitive (inside and out) Darwinian Risk taking Stress driven by organizational. style, competitive dynamics Legislated diversity	Mission-driven with heart-felt commitment Cooperative More protective, inertial Risk averse Stress driven by organization style, funding concerns, magnitude of issue area, suffering of clientele Inherent/intentional diversity

Note: You may experience grief/anger as you are truly present to the agency’s clientele and grasp the larger issues your organization faces every day. But as the Peace Corps motto suggests: It’s the toughest job you will ever love.

Making the Transition to a Not-For-Profit

I have a clear memory of the moment at which I decided to make an adjustment in my career trajectory. I’d spent the day in a truly awful corporate retreat and felt dejected in its aftermath. A couple of my colleagues and I decided to drown our sorrows in a nearby pub and wound up in a rather far-ranging discussion about work and life. Then one of my colleagues referred to our industry (tech) as the digital holocaust. He acknowledged that it helped corporations run more efficiently and economically; however, automation was responsible for job loss among persons who could least afford to sacrifice their incomes.

Suffice it to say, that characterization hit me like a ton of bricks. On the one hand, I had the training, insight, and experience to recognize the inevitability of cost saving measures to sustain competitive survival in the relentlessly Darwinian corporate environment. On the other hand, I lost my will to play an active part in that milieu. I wanted my efforts to be in service of more lofty ambitions.

I’ve met folks who’ve had a similar conversion experience. Others arrived there as a result of downsizing or early retirement. Some wanted to gain new skills or seek a better work-life balance (though the latter were surprised at the demands placed on resource-strapped social sector workers!) Whatever the motivation, we all face the challenge of finding a new home in a vast sector.

If you’re considering this path, here are a few steps you might take to figure out where you might fit.

ONE: Think about the issues or causes that might ignite your passion. The non-profit sector encompasses Health Services, Education & Research, Social Services, International Aid, Charitable Foundations, Arts & Culture, Religious Organizations, and Fraternal Organizations, to name a few. Most of their employees, funders, members, and interest groups will be deeply committed to the work they do. If you expect to be welcomed warmly, you’ll need to share their enthusiasm.

TWO: Think about which approach to the issue area best suits your skills and interests. Do you see yourself as an advocate or policymaker who wields influence with lawmakers, governmental agencies, foundations, and/or public opinion? Are you interested in working with organizations that provide direct service? Would you like to serve as a consultant and provide capacity building services? Do you enjoy being affiliated with a membership organization? What atmosphere and activities fill you up?

THREE: Identify skills, expertise, experience, and connections that could benefit non-profits. Consider how these assets might be leveraged to address a non-profit’s top capacity building needs:

Funding, funding, funding: Executive Directors (EDs) face significant (and growing) competition for scarce dollars – especially unrestricted funds.
Human capital: Every organization faces the challenge of getting the right people in the right roles with systems to manage them successfully. Non-profits face the added hindrance of sub-par market compensation.
Technology: Non-profits need to build a robust communications and information technology infrastructure on a shoestring budget.
Impact evaluation: Quantitative and qualitative measurements must be prepared to demonstrate short- and long-term program impact and inform continuous improvement. It’s not just “good for business”; it’s a requirement for sustained funding.
Fiscal management: Regulatory authorities, funders, strategic partners, and others have placed increased demands on non-profits to shore up their fiscal policies & procedures, budgeting, forecasting, cash flow analysis, risk assessments, financial statement preparation, and audit practices. It’s a daunting task if these disciplines are not established.
Marketing: Non-profits need a compelling brand identity and messaging to garner public support and position them favorably among their constituents. Otherwise, they risk having their issue area fly below the radar and their stellar performance become a well-kept secret.

FOUR: Figure out what kind of non-profit is right for you. Do you want to work for a start-up? A founder-driven operation? A grass-roots organization? A large institution? Would you prefer a long-established, stable organization? Do you thrive in a growth-oriented operation? Or are you best suited to throw in with an organization in transition that’s seeking a fresh infusion of ideas and energy?

You might be one of those rare individuals who can quickly rip through this list and figure everything out on your own. But, for most of us, it takes a bit of thinking, a bit of dialog with trusted associates, a bit of outside help, and a bit of dipping toes in the water to figure it out. That’s OK! Just start the journey and be open to where it leads.

The Encore Years: Passion and Purpose

Every day for the next 10 years, ten thousand Americans will reach the traditional retirement age. Like their parents before them, some will leave demanding careers to pursue leisure activities and long-standing interests. Some will continue working in their chosen fields, perhaps addressing shortfalls in retirement resources. Others may look for paid or unpaid positions that leverage a lifetime of skills, wisdom, and experience in service of others.

Marc Freedman’s book Encore: Finding Work That Matters in the Second Half of Life provides an extended argument in favor of pursuing meaningful work in one’s “golden years.” He notes:

Lives are getting longer; careers are getting shorter. As such, it pays to cultivate a second (or third or fourth)
An active lifestyle is twice as important as one’s genetic inheritance in helping individuals thrive in later life.
Extended work improves psychological and physical health.
Social connections cultivated in work and volunteer settings support successful aging.
Interacting with youth – e.g., tutoring or mentoring – helps people stay young.
Older Americans need to stay engaged in the workforce to forestall an anticipated labor shortage.

These “encore years” can be all about choice. They open up the possibility of passionate involvement in something about which individuals care deeply. They may offer flexibility in the times of years, times of day, and hours one works. And they can bring just the right amount of income to bridge the gap between income/resources and monthly expenses. Freedman refers to this period as a chance to “blend the spirit of social impact with the pragmatic need for real pay and benefits.”

To be clear, the “encore years” are not just a transitional phase between one’s primary career and retirement. It’s a new body of work that marries clear-eyed pragmatism with the determination to make the world better.

I had the opportunity to participate in Freedman’s Encore Fellows program through a placement with the Oregon Community Foundation (OCF). My fellowship focused on promoting volunteerism in Early Childhood Education (ECE). The project had the following goals:

Bring adults into children’s lives in ways that improve the children’s readiness to learn
Increase the capacity of ECE organizations to serve young children
Raise awareness of early childhood as a volunteer arena for older adults
Educate the early childhood field about how to use volunteers effectively

OCF engaged a wide array of organizations in the project through pilot programs, volunteer management audits, and funded implementations. Working individually and collectively, they explored requirements for recruiting, training, and supporting older adults in working with young children and their families. They also address orientation and training needs for program staff to incorporate Boomers into their working environments. My principal task was to capture “best practices” and create a repository of materials that could be customized readily by ECE organizations around the State.

Suffice it to say, I learned a lot about early childhood through my year with OCF. My position included participation in Social Venture Partners Portland’s (SVPP’s) Ready for Kindergarten initiative. I spent two years on SVPP’s Grant Evaluation Committee – once as a member, and once as its Chair. I was also part of a cohort of Fellows who met monthly to explore all aspects of non-profit management and share things we learned from our varied assignments. It was a great experience through which I made a number of strong connections.

Now several years into my “encore years,” I’m still engaged part-time in my long-time career while continuing to pursue projects that deliver favorable results for my community. I really don’t think about “retiring,” per se. I expect that I’ll always seek some form of purposeful work that stimulates my brain, stretches my capabilities, ignites my passion, builds connections, and contributes to my community. And having built up my “nest egg,” I’ve earned the privilege of choosing how I’ll invest my time and talents. And that feels mighty “golden” to me!

The Happiness Curve

Have you ever heard about the U-shaped curve that predicts your life satisfaction based on your age? If you’re old enough, you’ve likely experienced it. If not, researchers tell us that it exists across all cultures the world over. And apparently, it even affects other primates (though I can’t begin to know how they measure chimpanzee happiness!)

According to Jonathan Rauch in The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better After 50, our twenties start out full of promise, opportunity, and optimism. We’re overly rosy about our prospects for good health, professional success, marital bliss, and longevity. We think bad things happen to “the other guy.” We view our lives as fun, exciting, adventuresome, and full of possibilities.

Optimism wanes as we reach our forties and fifties. We take stock of our circumstances and become resigned to what we will (and will not) achieve and who we will (and will not) become. We may feel that we have peaked professionally and personally. We dwell on the past and feel regret for the mistakes we’ve made and the chances that we’ve missed. Our disappointment may be inflamed by comparisons with peers who seem to have made so much more of their lives. And we may be sandwiched between responsibilities to our children and our aging parents.

Our youth-oriented society may have predisposed us to thinking that our elder years would be less joyful. Paradoxically, they’re not. We get happier as we get older!

Stress declines after age 50 just as our capacity to regulate our emotions improves. We feel far less regret, accepting what we can’t control and being grateful for the lessons that life has taught us. We focus on the here and now and direct our attention toward the positive aspects of life. We take criticism to heart intellectually but not emotionally. We know who we are and what we are capable of doing. A bump in the road is not a referendum of our worth.

In our senior years, we don’t narrate accomplishment in the language of achievement, competition, and keeping score. We’re far more oriented toward connection and community, investing our time and energy on issues and relationships that really matter to us. As Andrew Sullivan states: “The worldly ambition that I might have had I increasingly see as distractions from the life I really want to live.”

So, what do you do if you are in those dreaded middle years? Here’s Jonathan Rauch’s advice:

Recognize that you are not alone. We all experience a dip in life satisfaction during our middle years. It’s a natural and healthy transition from our youth to our elder years. Expect a measure of regret and disappointment. Feel what you feel without beating yourself over the head about it.

Interrupt the inner critics whether they’re taking you to task for your thoughts/behaviors or making you feel “less than” someone else. They’ll only drag you down at a time when you need to be lifted up.

Train yourself to live in the moment without judgment. Try meditation, tai chi, yoga, qigong, or the like to help quiet the mind and focus on the here and now.

Find a support group with whom you can enjoy fellowship and share your experience. Folks generally feel better when they have nonjudgmental, fact-based conversations about their midlife malaise. If you aren’t ready to take the plunge with friends, consider a trusted adviser or counselor. Avoid isolation!

Consider small steps to relieve your pressure points and let a little sunshine in. It turns out that we’re generally not good at understanding what makes us happy, and we’re rather bad at determining what’s making us unhappy. Move incrementally, logically, constructively to reduce the odds of impulsive mistakes. Change should be integrative, respecting your values, accumulated life experiences, and opportunities.

Be patient. Let time be on your side. Know that it will get better.

Finally, remember that the truest form of wealth is social, not material. Invest in life-affirming, support relationships and communities.

Career Path… or Career Adventure?

As I prepared to leave graduate school years ago, I put a lot of time and energy into mapping out my career. I identified the industry in which I wanted to work (telecommunications) – an area characterized by tumultuous change and growth, both of which spelled o-p-p-o-r-t-u-n-i-t-y for me. I decided to look for positions in sales and marketing, first with a larger company, and then at a start-up. And I envisioned movement up the ladder as my career progressed.

Not surprisingly, career planning factored into every job interview. Prospective employers asked about where I’d see myself in 5-10 years. They expected me to have a destination in mind when embarking on my professional journey. They wanted to know how the current position fit into that plan and assess the likelihood that the company and I shared long-term interests.

In the ensuing years, I remained conscious of how each position helped me progress toward my long-term goal. I occasionally took assignments for which I was ill-suited in order to gain valuable experience that would confer “street creds” and serve me in the future. I changed companies when I felt that I’d stalled out so I could keep moving forward. And I worried about how my resume was shaping up and whether or not I was keeping pace with my peers.

Then life got in the way. Doors that I expected to open remained resolutely closed. My two-career household made shifts in geography that took me away from my professional “sweet spot.” Family responsibilities impinged on my capacity to be a hard-charging workaholic. I adjusted time and again. And then the big jolt hit. I realized that the destination toward which I’d been moving all these years wasn’t a place that I wanted to go. I couldn’t see myself living there, and I didn’t want to make the personal sacrifices necessary to ensure my arrival.

I remember feeling as though I was the only person in the world to find myself in this predicament. I didn’t like the idea of getting off the path, but I didn’t want to stay on it either. I decided to take some time off to think about what I really wanted to do and consider my options. I treated myself like a project and gave myself a series of tasks to help me course-correct and set off toward a new destination. Simple, right?

Not so much…

After years of focused energy on my chosen path, I’d done a fine job of shutting down the part of me that could tap into my inner source of joy and gratification. I didn’t know what it was or even where to look for it. And, as a lifelong overachiever, I was decidedly uncomfortable foregoing the steady diet of personal accomplishments.

Venturing forth into my social circles, I was asked regularly, “What are you doing these days?” I felt as though I should have something impressive to say in response. If I wasn’t charging up the corporate ladder, I should at least be making some substantive contribution to my community or the world at large. It seemed indulgent to take time out to invest in myself.

Long story short, I didn’t “find myself” by sitting on a lily pad and contemplating my future. I found it by doing. By experimenting. I took on a variety of consulting assignments in the for-profit and non-profit communities. I got a second Master’s degree and pursued ministry in the church and hospital settings. I served as an Encore Fellow with the Oregon Community Foundation. I participated actively in two social venture partnerships. I volunteered. I got back into the performing arts. I paid attention to what “worked” (and what didn’t) and kept that in mind when seeking new opportunities.

There are plenty of social circles in which “experimenting” is a euphemism for “floundering.” A career shift is OK so long as you pick a road and take off on the next journey. Moreover, gender stereotypes conjure up the image of a woman who can’t make up her own mind. For quite some time, that kind of feedback felt shaming. It had the effect of shutting down the voice of the inner self who longed for joy and gratification. It was something I needed to overcome.

Have I found my ultimate destination? Not really. But I’m not looking for it either. In fact, I no longer embrace the notion of a “career path.” It’s too restrictive and prone to headlong pursuits of goals that may or may not make sense downstream. I prefer to think of my journey as a “career adventure.” I seek work that I find interesting, enlightening, meaningful, and energizing. I want to collaborate with folks whose contributions and companionship put a spring in my step. And I want my professional endeavors to play nicely with my personal and lifestyle goals.

I don’t regret any of the experiences that brought me to this point. I learned a lot from them and found most of my professional gigs rewarding. Through careful financial planning, I’ve given myself the flexibility to pursue things that “light me up.” I don’t worry a whole lot about whether any of my choices will move me toward the illusive “next step.” And I’m not afraid to make mistakes. After all, it’s an adventure!

If only I could come up with a great “sound bite” to describe it…

Healthy Lifestyle

Ideas to Nourish the Body, Mind, and Spirit